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Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts

Friday, April 20, 2018

Day 19 MAN 21 Day Cancer Word Journey


The Word

MAN

Sounds...

M-e   AN-t
(me as equal to the ant)

Looking at the letters within the word...

M  Matter
A  All
N  Nature

Meaning
An adult human male,  that is part of the whole - that is life




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DAY 18 WOMAN 21 Day Cancer Word Journey



The Word

WOMAN

Looking at the sounds within the word...

WO-r-M      AN-t

(The worm is equal to the ant - dust to dust)

Looking at the Letters...

W  We
O  One
M  Matter
A  All
N  Nature

Meaning
An adult human female, that is part of the whole - that is life





Support BHOE Support All Life

Websites

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Sex, Gender, Identity and Money Part 1: Masculine





"Your sexual identity should not define who you are.”
...

It is an expression that you are living for a moment in this lifetime.

but it shouldn’t be more or less than simply just that.







My previous blogs about 'femininity' (links below this blog) brought a lot of things out. I realized I cannot face the word 'feminine' without facing the word 'masculine'. 



In this blog, I want to look at the word 'masculine'. When I look back, the one person that opened up this word for me was my dad. 



Since I was a child, I looked at my dad as the symbol of masculinity. 



Here are some of  the characteristics I found I defined as masculinity as per what I saw my Dad as,



He had more defined muscles, and more money.  He had authority to say 'something had to change' or 'something should not change'. 



I defined my dad as masculine, I saw him as someone wearing pants and shirt, and someone wearing a male undergarment like a 'male brief'. This of course was influenced by the media ads i watched on tv giving messages on what a male wears. Mostly, this is motivated by money as most ads are made to make money.

If my dad wore a dress, will I judge him as gay?  
Yes. But that was my limited perception of the word 'masculine' in the past.

Let us create a scenario here:

What if that is the only garment available because everything was lost in a fire? 

The limited definition I gave to masculinity needs to expand. So I have to look at the definition that is commonsensical. 

Dictionary:

A male is someone who produces sperm cells. 

A male is not defined within what he wears according to this definition.

My dad contributed to my genes having given my mom his sperm to unite with her eggs. His spermatozoa helped create this female body I have now. 

The body is hosting me - as the breath here in this body I am in.

Though my definition of  the word 'male' is associated to some physical part of me, I also associated it to a mind definition of him and his moods - strict, conservative, reserved etc. - that constitutes some of his masculine personality traits which is part of my computation of what a masculine personality is. 

This is of course unreal because who i am as that personality was created by me in an alternate reality - my mind - but let me open this up here so it can be opened for correction.

I saw him as a person who had the right to get angry and saw him as someone who had the right to punish 'wrongdoing'. This is my perception of him in my mind.

Both of us have equal rights as humans living this one life.

But my perception of him having more money than me in my mind lead to me defining myself as inferior to him which of course led to me suppressing  my self-expression

I associated his rough skin, short hair, skinny but muscular thighs and low calm voice as part of his masculinity which I defined as exclusive to men. 

He had very little hip movement when he walks which contributed to how i defined him also as having masculine body movements.

What if he had a situation in his life where he had hip bone problems or movement problems that make him sway his hips more? 

Will he still be considered gay? 

No. This is using commonsense - not ideas and beliefs I connected to what masculinity means.

Another idea that I had of him was that,

I believed that he was someone who had the right to tell us what to do, where to be and how to behave.

I know he  did not know how to cook tasty meals, but meals are here to provide nutrition not pleasure. 

Enjoyment for me is awareness of the physical sensations in my mouth when I am chewing food without judgment and experiencing it going inside my body. But we are usually not aware of these physical sensations because we are usually thinking about whether that food is tasty or not. that's the limit of our (mind )awareness. 

I remembered one day my mom went to a convention and he was left to cook for us for 3 days. I must have it mixed up in my memory . It was not as if he did not cook us some food. He cooked us some food - something very easy to cook - he fried small dried fish and cooked us steamed rice for 3 days. That was all we ate. 

I forgot that food is not about taste. It is about nutrition. Dried fish has nutrition too and so does rice.

One that i cannot deny is that he was the one who gave my  mom money so she can buy what the family needs - food, pay for our education, etc.

Let's change the scenario for a moment,

What if we all have money coming our way every month just by virtue of being born in this world (let's just say for example, from corporations who profit from natural resources given to all of us by the earth) - for guaranteed survival, where we also get additional money if we work.

 Will this change my perception of my dad? Yes for sure.

This paves the way for expanding my self-expression. 

I do not have to ask money from my dad to spend in going to school. 

Not only will this change my perception of my dad, but my perception of myself - from inferiority (asking money from my dad) to an equal and one relationship with him.

This will pave the way for my dad and me to walk as equals on earth. 

This will also pave the way for me to stop defining him as having more money than me.

Finally, we both can see each other for who we really are - as equals. 

Another benefit is that the equal amount of money coming every month will guarantee both our survival even if we work or not work for some 'valid reason.'

The fact remains - we are both here on earth living this one life  to express and expand ourselves .

This is what living a meaningful life means to me.
===

Links To My Previous Blogs
Femininity
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Check out the blog site: atransgendersjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Birth Control Pills, Health, Jokes, and Pregnancy In The Community




Related Blogs
Femininity
1 Copied
2 My mother, grandmother and great grandmother
3 Cooking
4 Nurture
5 Filipina Mystique: Maria Clara
6 School, Dance, Music and Movement
7 In The Community
===

In this blog, I want to explore the birth control pill and its role in women's lives referencing my experience when I was growing up.

The women in our community visited the municipal health office when they have a problem with health care issues. When they get sick or any of their family members get sick, they get free medicine from the health office.  Sometimes, the supply was limited so the women were unable to be treated. They do not have any health care coverage insurance or anything like that since they were not employed. It's worth mentioning here that even those employed did not have it.

Most of them also visited the health care center to get some birth control pills. My mom was a municipal health employee and I came with her sometimes to visit her office. She gave these women some birth control pills to keep them from getting pregnant. Most of the pills being distributed at that time came from the government. Most of them contained estrogen, the female hormone. Sometimes she gave them IUD (Intra Uterine Device) and with the help of her uncle who was the municipal health doctor, they tried to advice the women to plan the number of children they want to have.

When I got married, I also found myself searching for birth control pills after 3 kids. I accepted the 'pill culture ' without questioning the role of the pill or the chemicals in it like estrogen being introduced in my body which can affect my overall health.  I only became aware of my irresponsibility while talking to someone recently who wanted to take estrogen to soften ones skin. I pointed out that the body will be affected by this and as I was saying these words, I remembered myself using the birth control pill that has estrogen in it when I was having unplanned pregnancies. Like him, I too did not look at how it will affect my body's overall functioning. I was humbled by the realization and forgave myself.

The role of birth control pills in our community was only to prevent pregnancy so that men and women can partake in sexual pleasure - that could potentially stop boredom and anguish in an uncertain world. They hoped this will stop them (rich or poor) from being lonely or 'feeling alone' in a relationship. The pill will also release the 'burden' of taking responsibility for financially supporting kids after birth. This was accepted as if this was the 'solution'. It was as if sex had no other purpose other than to satisfy a desire for pleasure.

Sex as physical interaction of 2 bodies without desire for pleasure but is being used to support the physical body - was unheard of.

In the absence of money, tv, movies, etc., what do you do at night when there's no electricity, to entertain yourself?
Have sex and make babies.

Is that logic or fuzzy logic?

That is fuzzy logic, yet it was accepted and allowed in the form of jokes. In this small town where I grew up, no one dared to ask. It just became a part of our community jokes. I heard many people including my mom and grandmother say this joke over and over again. I ended up saying it and everyone in my family started saying it. So, I interpreted this as if it was okay to make jokes out of problems and just laugh it off rather than provide an effective solution that will benefit everyone in the community. There were no factual answers given nor was there a resolution to end the problem. The easiest way for them to solve the problem is for them to give birth control pills to the women in the community.


But if we look at the common sense behind it, we can pinpoint the problem and educate the women about the role of sex, how many children one can plan to have in a family that will be mutually beneficial for the family and community. Developing businesses which can assist women and men in the community to get income so they can support the family can also help. But what can really help is a basic income guarantee that will provide monthly income - as unconditional guaranteed support for everyone including children who will be born in this world from birth to death that is currently being looked at in other European countries like Sweden and Norway.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Femininity 7: In The Community

My grandmother playing with an iPad

When I was a teenager, I saw my mom as a housewife in charge of house cleaning, cooking, tending to our needs, and my dad's needs when he was around. This was the feminine role I grew up with. It was interesting to see my mom turned into a female politician in our town one day and we will touch on her story of how that happened.

In the photo above,  seeing my grandmother who was a dressmaker all her life playing with iPad in one of the pictures posted by my cousin in Facebook was also very interesting.

When my father was in the Philippines resting and had no work contract abroad, my mom normally worked as a municipal health counsellor and a teacher. 

She was an accounting student who worked as a maid to the owner of the college where she studied and with the additional support of my dad she graduated the course. There was a shortage of teachers, so our relative who was the principal of the school asked her if she liked to take on the job. She accepted the offer. She became a high school teacher of the nearby school teaching the Filipino language. 

One day, there was a need for candidates to run for public office. The total population of the town where we lived was about 15,000 at that time. It was a small town and not many people graduated college, so my mom was nominated as a candidate for counsellor.  

From having no experience of politics, I was introduced to the world of politics, the Philippine way.

In this blog, I would like to share my experience in seeing my mom - as a feminine, taking on the role of a female politician, getting into politics, and what I have noticed happening around me with regards to other women trying to earn a living in our small town.

My sister and I helped her in her campaign. We distributed flyers and shook peoples's hands. At home, there were always a lot of visitors from my mom's political party ticket plus ordinary people from the community asking her for help. I spent most of my time making coffee for everyone.

During that time, my dad who was usually working abroad, helped print my mom''s flyers for distribution to the public who were voters. I watched her spoke in the community. Most of the candidates were men and I remembered her as the only woman candidate giving her talks even in the remote part of our town - called barrios. 

Her feminine role started from the family and was branching out to the community. This was interesting to watch.

After the tally of votes, she emerged as the winner. She was voted as the first counsellor. 

My experience of myself and my mom changed from a family oriented existence to a public oriented existence - seeing her performing a (feminine and also partly masculine) role in the community which also impacted my life. She was mostly doing her job as a counsellor - in the community, and when she was at home, other people would come and ask her for help - either medical or  financial.

She continued giving talks to crowds after she won the election. I went with her sometimes to attend small events, but sometimes they have big community events where most of the people in the community gather. They usually have music, dancing and food. The event was held in a big hall outside the municipal building. Usually people were invited to dance and partake of the food given during those occasions. 

While walking with my mom to buy something at the market, people greeted my mom and they greeted me too. I felt there were a lot of people who knew her and me and my family after she won the election.

When I went with my mom in her monthly community visits, I noticed that there were a lot of poor people in our town. I was not aware of this before. My life revolved inside the house, outside,  playing with my friends nearby or going to my grandmother's house which was walking distance from where we lived. What I enjoyed most was walking to the beach which was 2 minutes away and taking a dip in the slightly warm water during hot weather then walking back to our house or my grandmother's house to get a 'shower'. 

During walks with my mom, I noticed housewives who lived near us whose main source of income were cooking food items to sell in the school, in the market, or having a store of their own where they sell toys and food. They survived doing those jobs.

Recently, I went to Wikipedia to look at the main income of our town and It turned out the town's main income comes from cooked food. At the economy section, I found out the foods I grew up with

  • Kalamay-hati: A type of coconut jam made from coconut cream and sugar or molasses
  • Maja blanca: A type of coconut pudding
  • Suman: A dessert/snack made of sticky rice and coconut steamed in leaves.
  • Puto: A steamed rice cake.
  • Bagoong: A traditional fish paste made using fresh local/sustainable ingredients.


Somehow, this small town managed to survive with the help of the housewives who cooked and sold the food to earn some income to support their husband's income (who did mostly physical labor kind of work). 

The college graduates (who included my mom) and those with more money, ended up working in the municipality or doing business in neighboring towns, cities or even working abroad.

Continued...

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Femininity 6: School, Dance, Music & Movement



Picture of Males and Females Dancing a Filipino Folk Dance

Femininity

Part 1 Copied
Part 2 My Mom, Grandmother and Great Grandmother
Part 3 Cooking
4 Nurture
5 Feminine Mystique
===

When I bring my childhood memories back here, what stands out was my experience of dancing in school during convocations or class presentations. My eyes light up whenever I get selected to dance as part of a group or alone with a male partner. The school dance performance became the platform where I was able to move my body with my partner in tune to the music and express my interpretation of a certain event in time. 

It was a reenactment of an event using movement and music which was taught to us - by our choreographer. It was not really me directing the dance. I was a willing and able participant.

The dances I participated in were mostly Filipino Folk dances. One specific dance that was easy and fun to do was one with an accompanying music called 'Magtanim Ay Di Biro' - translated, 'Planting Rice Is Not Easy'. This music and dance routine depicted the life of rice farmers who worked from very early morning to sundown, planting rice. They were being paid by the land owners to cultivate and plant rice in their land. They divide the money from the sale of the rice between themselves with the land owners sometimes paying the workers money or in kind (rice) or both.



Picture of children about to dance as part of a school presentation 
YOUTUBE VIDEO:



At a young age, I did not know that the dance I was doing was about the difficult life of farmers. All I know was that when I was in that dancing costume with my classmates and co-dancers, I was in a jolly mood. Somehow while wearing the costume, I imagined stepping into a new world that was all about 'f-u-n'. 
The costume was made and bought for me to use in the presentation by my grandmother or my mom. In my mind, the new multi-colored costume, the music, plus the audience watching us perform, all come together to create a new feminine experience of  'myself'.  This feminine experience was enhanced by having a boy as my partner. They do not wear skirts. They wear pants. Their dance movement is what we normally call 'male dance moves'. As a female, I was asked to hold my skirt a certain way and create flowing movements left and right while the males move to show how rice is being planted in an up and down fashion. We can see through the dance movement, the feminine and masculine roles of each gender in the community. 

In general (there are exceptions), the girls depicted the role of the women (cleaning the rice and possibly cooking it) and the boys depicted the role of the men (planting rice and possibly getting paid for their labor).


Real people planting rice under the heat of the sun 

Planting rice was real hard work. This was far different from having a costume and dancing with the 'Magtanim Ay Di Biro' music.

I realized that dancing with those flowing movements using my whole body allowed me to form an idea that those body movements were my feminine expression. I was not fully aware that those movements were taught to us by our choreographer - even if that was the case.  So it was me acting out the ideas the choreographer had on how feminine expression should be expressed in a particular dance given the parameters handed down from generation to generation.

The audience were the  people (as parents and teachers) who  were giving everyone feedback regarding whether or not this was worth the time and effort - in the form of an applause.

No one was assessing the significance of this in our cultural perception of ourselves and how the gender roles are learned in school with the parents and teachers playing significant roles in shaping our social construct on gender and movement.

Continued...




Friday, August 21, 2015

Femininity Part 3 Cooking


===

I enjoy food preparation, cooking and eating.

When we were young,  my mom, my grandmother, and my great grandmother were the ones who cooked for us (my extended family). They were the ones who asked us what food we wanted to eat and they prepared, cooked, and ate it with us.

My great grandmother was the one who made those coconut sweets that I liked to eat when I was in the elementary grades. It was square shaped, chewy, sweet and had a hint of lime peels in it.



She had a store in front of our school and during recess, I went to her store and eat whatever I liked too eat. I had memories of drinking soda in glass bottles and eating some Philippine made biscuits which were mostly made of flour, sugar and milk. The one I particularly remembered was the round cookie that had a red food color outside and the 2 flaky, crispy cookies called 'romano' and 'aglipay' which was named after 2 religious groups in our town. How did it get its name? I do not have a clue.

Recess was not only a 'pleasure trip' to my great grandmother's store. It was also a trip to the back of our school where housewives sell 'goodies' in their baskets to earn a little bit of money that will pay for the food they prepare for their family.

I did not learn cooking though until I was married. I learned to cook to be able to feed my family.

Cooking became part of my feminine role not because I chose to but because our culture was set up in a way where women played a big role in feeding and taking care of family member's needs on a daily basis - which included cooking food.

Philippine pork adobo with rice

My great grandmother and my grandmother had a stone stove (like the one in the picture below). 
This was where they cooked our food with the help of housemaids using cut wood as fuel.




Continued...


Thursday, August 20, 2015

Femininity Part 2 My Mother, Grandmother and Great Grandmother



Femininity
Part 1
Copied
Part 2 My Mom, Grandmother and Great Grandmother
Part 3 Cooking
Part 4 Nurture
Part 5 Feminine Mystique
===


I realized my femininity is a set of roles I copied from my mom and other females around me when i was growing up which our community validated as feminine roles. 

One of the roles I learned from watching my mom is putting make-up on my face.

When my mom went to a community event, she would put on a color coordinated dress/clothes or if it is slacks, she would wear them with a colorful shirt. She will go to the mirror, put on some lipstick. Then, she smacks her lips together so the red color will stick to her lips. She puts on foundation which has a light tan shade. The next thing she puts on is some blush-on and a blue gray shade of eye shadow. 

She had many different kinds of shoes so she usually picks one that will match her clothes. She puts it on and picks up her bag which is also color coordinated with her clothes.


My mom (wearing black) on the right


What I had a strong memory of was that she liked to buy new clothes or bags, shoes, and necklace  for her or for us to wear during family or community events. 

My grandmother also did the same 'feminine' add-ons. 

While my mom beautified herself when she attended community gatherings and meetings related to her role as a town counsellor, my grandmother beautified herself before she went to church almost everyday by putting on a red lipstick.




 What I remembered about her was that she liked putting small red peppers on her hair or sometimes she puts Jasmine flowers (Philippine variety) or Ylang-ylang on her hair. I used to smell the flowers on her hair and enjoy its aroma. 

She used a natural shampoo made from the bark of a tree and she would rinse it off with lime flavored water. Her hair's aroma had a hint of lime. I used to enjoy smelling her hair when she came out of the bathroom after she had a Philippine shower which was not really how we wash ourselves in the shower here in the US. 

She used a container in the past, puts the water there with some lime juice and then rinse her hair and body with the flavored water using a small container to scoop the water out of the bigger container on to her body and hair.





Continued...

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Femininity Part 1 Copied






Blogs
Femininity 

Part 1 Copied

Part 2 My Mom, Grandmother and Great Grandmother

Part 3 Cooking

4 Nurture

5 Feminine Mystique
===

Feminity had been given a positive connotation specifically in the media.

In my culture, I am biologically female - having the female organ. I believed I have to do what other females do, so I took on the female role.

I have seen that my mom is a female taking on a feminine  role in our family, so I did what she did. I copied what I saw her do without questioning why I was doing so. I noticed it was being done by women in our community.  so I also took on feminine roles like cooking, cleaning, etc . This was an automated behavior that I learned from our culture.

When I saw her cooking for the family, I believed I had to do that too. When i got married, I saw myself also cooking for my family.

I was a feminine nurturing my kids and ex-husband and that made what I did valuable in my mind.

I did not look at what food is all about and what cooking is all about. I did not ask myself what role I played in all these. I forgot to look at how food affects each one of us in many different ways knowing we have different sets of DNA's.

When I saw my mom wearing dresses and feminine slacks, I believed that wearing fashionable clothes were part of the feminine expression. I believed that to be valued in our community, I had to wear fashionable clothes too. This decision was of course directed by the media through advertising and marketing which I allowed to influence me. I did not realize that I was becoming part of a social design that I had accepted and allowed.

I saw my grandmother wear clothes that had colorful prints and patterns. I figured this was the way feminine personalities dress up in our community. So, I started wearing clothes that  were acceptable to the majority within the feminine design.

But is this really what femininity mean?

Of course not - No.

This is not as simple as it may look. This has a history behind it.

I will continue in the next blog.

Check out the blog site: atransgendersjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Sexuality: The Female, The Male, The Gay and The Lesbian Gay 256




===

Self-forgiveness Statements


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate  in the design of/as 'fear of survival
- as sex-  as information and knowledge

fear homosexuals
believing they are lost and confused
believing that lesbians have a vagina like me
believing they want to call themselves lesbians rather than females
believing that gays are males with penis
believing they want to call themselves gays rather than males
desiring to be a normal female
believing that lesbians and gays are not honest about their sexuality
believing that they are pretending to be another sex
believing that they want to call themselves something which they are not
lost and confused which gives this world confusion

having a memory of a friend when i was in elementary
writing me
that she is attracted to me
not knowing why she's a girl wanting another girl
confused about what that meant

doubting who i am
uncertain what homosexuals
really are
whether they are females or males

blaming the physical
for creating lesbians, gays, females and males
not seeing and realizing
that i am the one giving them definition
within my mind
defining  what it means to be female, male, lesbian or gay

giving the excuse that i have to survive
as a female separate from a male
as a female separate from a lesbian and gay
and justifying that by saying i need to be whole
i need to be able to have a definite identity
as a female
===

Commitment To Correction Script

I commit myself to
when and as i see myself
desiring a definite identity
as a female opposite a male

I stop
I breathe

I realized that this is me fearing
not having a definite sexual identity
desiring to have a definite identity

believing i am secure when i have identity
believing i have to have a definition
that makes me different from everyone

fearing to be equal and one
to all that is here

fearing equality
not seeing and realizing
the body of a male consist of cells which consist of atoms consisting of substance
the body of a female consist of cells which consist of atoms consisting of substance
the body of a lesbian consist of cells which consist of atoms consisting of substance
the body of a gay consist of cells which consist of atoms consisting of substance
equal and one
to the body of nature
the body of plants
the body of animals

Realizing that
lesbians = Life
gays = Life
females = Life
males = Life

and that the value of all that is here is equal to the value of/as Life




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