'The MANTRA': Initiation and Convincing Others To Get A Mantra SF and SC The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 5 Day 127

Life Tools

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Self-forgiveness

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Redefining 'I Am That'  

 http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/redefining-statement-i-am-that-day-120.html

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About Writing/Blogging

Me As The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character

Mantra

This Blog is A continuation of These Blogs: 

Who Am I? The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character 

Self-correction SC: Stepping out of The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 1

Miracles: Stepping Out of The 'Tantrik yogi' character part 2 

The Secret Mantra: Stepping out of The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 3 
The Mantra: Initiation: SF abd SC: The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 4

Self-Correction: Self-Commitment

I commit myself to when and as i see myself separating myself from the word 'mantra' by giving it a 'positive or negative' value - i stop - i breathe. I realise that the word 'mantra' is equal to/as all words - as all words are symbols. which we give meaning to/as - to express who we are - so i assist myself to stand clear within and as myself before i speak the word.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself  charging the word mantra with a positive value - i stop - i breathe. i realize that i have to assist myself to speak this word without  any charge - seeing the word as it is - standing clear within/as myself before i speak or write the word.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself charging the word mantra with a negative value - i stop - i breathe. i realise that i have to assist myself to speak this word without any charge - seeing the word as it is - standing clear within and as myself before i speak or write the word.

Self-forgiveness Statements and More Self-commitment Statements

Self-forgiveness : Me Getting the Mantra Through Initiation

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  desire to get my own 'mantra' and become so  'excited before initiation' - believing that who i am will 'change for the better' when i have my 'own mantra' - as i can achieve samadhi or  union with the 'supreme consciousness' when i meditate or repeat the mantra i will be given - seeking the 'moreness of me' within having a 'mantra' - not seeing or realizing that i am here as the breath in every moment - and that i am equal to all that exist - as i came from the same substance all are made of . I am here.

Self-correction: Self-commitment:

 I commit myself to when and as i see myself believing that who i am will change when i get/meditate/repeat a mantra or any word - believing through the use of the word  i will achieve 'samadhi' or 'union with the supreme' - i stop - i breathe. I realise that the mantra is just a word - so i assist myself to stand equal with the word - and redefine the word by giving it a meaning where i can use the word as an expression who i am.

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Self-forgiveness: Me Getting Others To Get a Mantra

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others have to get their own mantra -  talking to them and making them interested in getting their 'own mantra' - believing that 'they too should experience the bliss' so that 'they too will be blissful' - when they repeat the mantra within/as their mind - not seeing/ realizing and understanding that i am leading these people to participate in their mind - which in the bigger picture is - consuming substance/physical/body flesh to transform the nutrients of the body into energy so that we can all abuse our body and the physical - which is not what is best for all.

Self-correction: Self-commmitment:

I commit myself to when and as i see myself believing that others have to get their own mantra - so they can 'experience bliss like me' - i stop - i breathe. I realize that i am coming from 'fear of not living eternally' -or 'fear of not existing' - so desiring to have a mantra - to have a  positive energy experience - believing the mantra can expand my mind so much that i will unite with the 'supreme consciousness' -  which i considered so big - defining myself within small and big space  - so believing that the combined effort of everyone to 'make the space bigger in our mind' - will make us all 'unite to that big space which contains everything' - which i believed to be the space of 'supreme consciousness- so assisting myself to realize that the space is equal to who i am - i am creating a consequence for myself  - to in remaining to be the 'mantra' character - and wanting others to be 'mantra' characters - so we will all remain as animated illusions  -not seeing /realizing and understanding that i am leading these people to participate in their mind - an alternate reality which has no real physical existence to eventually consume the body/substance to transform into energy just so i can have an energetic experience. I bring myself back to the physical - assist myself to physically wake myself up by stomping my feet and say, 'i am here'. 'I am not going within my mind for an energetic expeirience'.

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The Word 'MANTRA' Connected to 'SAMADHI' Day 126: The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 4 Enlightenment

Life Tools

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Self-forgiveness

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Redefining 'I Am That'  

 http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/redefining-statement-i-am-that-day-120.html

'I Am That' Connected To 'I Am Not That'

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/i-am-that-connected-to-words-i-am-not.html

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About Writing/Blogging

Me As The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character

Mantra

This Blog is A continuation of These Blogs: 

Who Am I? The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character 

Self-correction SC: Stepping out of The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 1

Miracles: Stepping Out of The 'Tantrik yogi' character part 2 

The Secret Mantra: Stepping out of The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 3 

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In this blog, i am doing self-forgiveness for connecting the word 'mantra' with other words - which i connected/defined to/within other words - where i gave a positive value to the word mantra - as i connected it to the word 'samadhi' (dictionary meaning - union with the 'supreme consciousness') and other words - charging it with a positive value and other words which i connected it to charging it with a negative value. This stops me from seeing the word mantra as what it is - as a word - as a symbol - just like any other word/manifestation - equal to/as all. So i am redefining the word and use it to express who i really am in my next blog.

Self-forgiveness Statement for Separating with the Word 'Mantra'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word mantra by giving it a positive value

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word mantra by giving it a negative value

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Self-forgiveness for Charging the Word 'Mantra' with A Positive and a Negative Value:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word mantra with a positive value

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word mantra with a negative value

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  Positive Connections/Definitions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word expand

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word expand

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word passport

I forgive myself thati  have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word passport

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word infinity

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word infinity

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word enlightenment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word enlightenment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word samadhi

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word samadhi

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word secret

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word secret

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word guru

I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word guru

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word pratik

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word pratik 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word silent

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word silent

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NegativeConnections/Definitions

Self-forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word reveal

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word reveal

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word effort

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word effort

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word repeat

i forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word repeat

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word study

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word study 

i forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mantra to the word fear

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word mantra within the word fear

To be continued

Stepping out Of The 'Tantric Yogi' Character : SC :Part 1 Day 124 : The Guru, Surrender and Miracles

Life Tools

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Self-forgiveness

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Redefining 'I Am That'  

 http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/redefining-statement-i-am-that-day-120.html

'I Am That' Connected To 'I Am Not That'

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/i-am-that-connected-to-words-i-am-not.html

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About Writing/Blogging

Me As The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character

This Blog is A continuation of These Blogs: 

Who Am I? The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character 

Stepping out of The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part2

 

 Self-commitment Statements:

I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'fearing me' - as who i have become - 'desiring to know who i am' - i stop - i breathe. I realize that who i have become as the mind character -'driven by fear of looking at what i have accepted and allowed' - as the mind - and 'doubting who i am and becoming uncertain of who i am' - i 'fear me' - desiring to know who i am - and instead of looking at how i created this mind character within and as my mind - and birth me here as life - i 'searched for myself' outside of myself - and BELIEVED that 'there must be more than me, that there must be more than me as here' - searching for the 'moreness of me' and separating myself from/as who i am - as the flesh - as the blood - as the physical/substance - equal to all that exist. I bring me back here as the breath and see that- I am here - to only accept and allow that which is what is best for all life.

I commit myself to delete the 'i want to know who i am' character which shows up also as the 'i want to understand who i am' character - as the desire to 'want to know who i am' and as the   'wanting to understand who i am' - as pictures etc within and as myself - and let go of the separation within and as myself - as desire, as pictures within and as myself - and bring myself back here - standing with the physical as the breath in every moment.

i commit myself to when and as i see myself fearing not existing eternally - i  stop - i breathe. I realize that this 'fear' is created by me - within and as my mind - an alternate reality that is not real - i bring myself back here and see who i am as the breath in every moment - and realize that who i am is not what i defined myself as - and assist myself to see/realize and understand that when I stop my mind, I remain.

I commit myself to delete the 'i fear not existing eternally' character - stopping the desire as pictures within and as my mind - letting go of the separation as desires, as pictures etc. - within and as my mind - and bring myself back here - as who i am as - as the substance/physical - equal to all that exist. I remain.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'wanting to be perfect' - i stop - i breathe. I realize that i have to assist me to see that this  comes from the starting point of  fear , where i 'fear being imperfect' and within this fear - 'desire to be perfect '- so to have to look at who i have become - which i defined as imperfect - within and as my mind - and to look at how i created this character - and birth me here - using self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. i stomp my feet and say, 'I am here'.

I commit myself to delete the 'i want to be perfect' character - as the presence of character as memory, as pictures, as desires etc. within and as my mind - and to use self-forgiveness and self-corrective application for  separating myself from all life - to stand here - equal to all that exist as the physical/substance - as the breath in every moment.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself giving up - and not  taking self-responsibility for myself - i stop - i breathe. i realize that i have to assist me to be patient - and look at all points, all patterns that created me - as the mind character - by accepting and allowing fears, desires etc. to exist within and as myself - so to stop participating - and only accept and allow that which is best for all life. I let go of the separation within and as myself. I bring myself back here - as the breath in every moment.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself - 'surrendering to a guru' - because i believe 'i do not know who i am' - believing that the 'guru knows' - so 'surrendering my power to him' - 'giving up on myself' and 'giving my power to someone' who i defined as more than me -  i stop - i breathe. i realize that i created this within and as my mind - not realizing the guru is equal to who i am - equal to all that exist - as the guru came from the same substance i came from - as all came from - not wanting to look at who i have become as the mind character - my conscious thoughts, backchats and body movements directed by the mind - abdicating my self-responsibility - to instead use self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to birth me here as life - and love myself unconditionally - assist me to stand for who i am - as self-trust - self -directive and self-responsible . I bring myself back here. i stomp my feet . I am here.- as the breath in every moment..

I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'wanting a miracle' - i stop - i breathe. i realize that this 'desire' comes from 'fear of difficulty' so 'wanting the easy way out' - within a belief that guru as AM is beyond physical laws and consequence - not realizing that i am equal to the guru -as i am equal to all life- and assist myself to realize that within this equal and one standing as life - no one is special - nor beyond physical laws and consequence - and that specialness will mean acceptance and allowance of inequality - which is contrary to the principle of/as life. I bring myself back here - as the breath. 

I commit myself to when and as i see myself judging the guru as more than me - where i believe that 'i do not know everything about life' and the 'guru knows' - i stop - i breathe. i realize that this comes from the starting point of 'fear of taking self-responsibility for who i have become' - to instead of  judging the guru as more than me and me less than myself - i assist myself to see/realize and understand that i am equal to all that exist - equal to the guru - as all came from the same substance all are made of - and see that this came from comparing myself to the guru - and believing i am less than the guru - judging him as more than me because he talks about the 'supreme entity' that i do not know of -  perceiving myself separate from knowledge and information defined within 'knowing and not knowing' - not considering the fact that inequality is a point of self-forgiveness - and the 'fear of not knowing' defined within knowledge and information separate from who one is - is a point of self-forgiveness - for accepting and allowing mind participation in separation of/as life/ substance. I correct myself  - to  commit myself to correct myself breath by breath - moment by moment. I  bring myself back here.

To be continued in Part 2.

Who Am i? The 'Tantric Yogi' Character Part 1 Day 123 Surrender : Guru: Soham: Mantra: Enlightenment: Pratik: Self-less Service

Life Tools

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Self-forgiveness

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Redefining 'I Am That'  

 http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/redefining-statement-i-am-that-day-120.html

'I Am That' Connected To 'I Am Not That'

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/i-am-that-connected-to-words-i-am-not.html

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About Writing/Blogging

Me As The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character

Continuation

Stepping out of The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 1

Stepping Out of the 'Tantrik Yogi' Character Part 2

What is Self-forgiveness?
 http://juneroca.com/home/my-process/self-forgiveness/

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i fear me' character - where i fear myself - as who i have become - as an alternate version of who i am - as the mind characters - within/as my mind - fearing myself as i know i have abdicated responsibility to/as who i am as all life - perceiving myself as more than or less than who i am - based on the participation in positive, neutral and negative energy experiences - which i defined myself within  - perceiving myself as that which is 'split between the ego and the self' - so I became doubtful as the 'i don't know everything about  who i am' character  - believing that the ego is the limited version of me and that self is the unlimited version of me -where i judged the ego as less than myself and the self as more than myself - based on my experiences of how i am - defined within positive, neutral and negative experiences of myself - within a negative experience of 'uncertainty and doubt' believing that 'i do not know everything about who i am' - believing that i have to know who i am as the 'i want to know who i am' character - asking questions as the 'i want to understand who i am' character - asking, 'Who am i?' ''Where am i?' What am i?' - asking Where did i come from?' 'Who created me?' 'What is my purpose in life?' 'When did creation happen?'  'Who's God?' 'Who created God?' 'How did life begin on earth?' 'Why are spiritual texts in conflict with one another if there is just one God?'  'Why are there so many names of Messiahs and Prophets?' 'Why did God hide all this from me'? 'Why am i born with my father and mother and not someone else as my mother or father?' 'Why am i born in the Philippines and not in USA?'  'Why is my skin color brown and not white nor black?' 'Why doesn't anyone know all the answers to these basic questions?' 'Why can't i control myself from lying?' 'Why does some have more  and some less than others?' -   where in that uncertainty  and fear of not existing as the 'i fear not existing' character - i desire answers - as the 'i will not stop until i know who i am' character- searching for the 'moreness of me' as the ' there must be more than me, there must be more than me as here' character - and within this quest - i separated myself from all that exist - by processing all these questions and analyze the answers within/as my mind - in an alternate reality - where i am an alternate version of myself- as the mind character - with no real physical existence - spiting the physical/substance -within blame - not realizing i am here as flesh, as blood- as the physical/substance - equal to all that exist - as all are made from the same substance all are made of - with the excuse that i have to exist as the ' there must be more than me' character to survive in this world - justifying my existence as the mind character in a mind reality - that is not even real - believing if i find the answers to all my questions i will be whole - not realizing I AM HERE - equal to all that exist as i came from the same substance all are made of - so from the starting point of fear, i defined myself within the 'i fear not existing eternally, as the ego, as the imperfect one, so i want to be that perfect one, desiring to live eternally' character - desiring to be perfect -as the 'i want to be perfect' character- believing that i can be perfect without looking at what i have accepted and allowed - without looking at how i created my mind as the conscious, subconscious and unconscious - believing that because it is too much to look at and direct the evil that i have become - as the 'i give up taking responsibility for myself' character - believing the guru knows what this world is about  - defining myself within the 'i don't know, the guru knows' character - and believing that by just doing what he tells me to do or say - as the 'i surrender to the guru' character - i can burn my evil deeds and lies and be liberated from it all - just like a miracle - defining myself within the 'i want a miracle' character - believing i can transcend physical laws and consequence - defining myself within the 'i am impatient so i want things fast ' character - believing that doing it that way will  be easier -  defining myself within the 'i fear difficulty so i want the easy way out' character - believing that gurus are beyond the laws of this physical existence and beyond consequence - defining myself within the 'the guru is more than me' character - believing i cannot do it myself - defining myself within the 'i am less than the guru' character- where i essentially judged the guru as more than me and me less than myself - believing what the guru says - defining myself within the 'the guru knows everything ' character believing that i will be reborn or reincarnated on earth as a plant or as an animal and suffer the consequence of my evil deeds, actions and inaction if i do not have a guru - as the 'i fear pain' character - fearing rebirth - defining myself within the 'i fear taking self-responsibility' character - abdicating my responsibility and letting someone to do it in my behalf - defining myself within the ' let someone else suffer the consequence to my actions' character - so i decided to 'surrender everything to the guru' - believing that surrender is the way out - as the 'there is a way out' character - believing that i incur positive and negative karma in everything i say and do - believing that those who get out of 'action and reaction' or consequence is special - defining myself within the ' the guru is special' character - believing that  i cannot take self-responsibility and correct myself on my own - defining myself within the 'i cannot do it' character -believing that looking at what i have accepted and allowed in this world as my words and deeds is 'too much to handle' because'i am just human' - defining myself within the 'i am just human' character - believing this is too much to do - defining myself within the ' this is too overwhelming' character - so i decided to surrender 'my positive and negative karma to my guru' - defining myself within the 'i surrender myself to the guru' character - and in return i followed everything that he told me to do - defining myself within the 'i will do whatever you say' character because he will liberate me from the ego -  defining myself within the 'i hope the guru will give me liberation' character - and when i don't do what he says - i feel guilty - defined within the 'i fear i will not get liberation' character - and within this 'surrender' is a contract that i will follow the 16 points -  to in return get 'liberation from bondage of the ego' - believing that as i have bliss in meditation i will attain eternal life by  meditating and just dying while meditating attaining moksha - as the 'i am enlightened' character - believing that i will  'unite with the supreme consciousness' to never reincarnate again and have eternal life -defined within the 'i desire eternal life' character - not realizing that that's a belief - manipulating myself to live my beliefs - as if it was real - defined within the ' manipulation' character.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mantra is charged with spiritual energy by the guru - defined within the 'mantra' character - believing that repeating the sanskrit  word 'hamsa' which i sounded as  'hang so' within and as my mind -  will 'expand my mind' to one day unite with 'supreme consciousness' - perceiving 'consciousness' as more than me and me less than myself - not realizing that 'CONsciousness' is the presence of character as memory - and so defining myself as the 'hang so' character - giving my power to this sanskrit word with 2 syllables - which i defined as special - not realizing that i am charging these words with a positive value -perceiving myself separate from these words - believing the mantra 'hang so' is special - where i believed it has the power to expand my mind- defined within the 'words have power' character to later unite with the 'supreme consciousness' - to attain liberation from bondage of the ego - an illusion i lived - meditating on the words 'hang so' - synchronizing the sound of these words with/as my breath - where as i breath in - i hear 'hang' within/as my mind and as i breath out - i hear the word 'so' believing that this is my 'ista mantra' - or who i am that i have to realize - within/as my mind - believing that what i say within/as my mind is real - believing that a mantra is a word that can expand my mind - perceiving myself separate from the word mantra - manipulating myself to manifesting the belief that the mantra is special because it is supposed to be only just for me - and was told to promise to keep it secret - where i defined myself within the ' i have a secret and you don't know what it is' character - where i judged the word secret as more than myself and me less than myself - where when i am the only one that knows something and others do not know about it - i am special - defining myself within the 'i am special' character - not realizing this is a word - and i use words as an expression of who i am - so there's nothing special about it -  not realizing I AM HERE - as flesh, as blood - as the substance/physical - equal to all that exist - as we all came from the same substance all are made of .

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'initiated to spirituality' character - where i believe that my initiation to meditation means that i am now more special than others - who are not initiated in the path of 'tantra' - as the 'tantric' character - where i specialized 'tantra' as more than me and me less than myself - believing that my guru is the reincarnation of Shiva and Krishna - where i judged the guru, AM as more than myself and me less than myself -where i believed he was 'taraka brahma' or god himself in physical form - judging him as more than me and me less than myself - believing  that he is a sadguru -  judging him as more special than a guru - believing that when i follow the 16 points - i will be liberated from bondage - believing self-realization and selfless service are my passport to liberation - defined within the ' i desire liberation' character - believing that me receiving the name 'Janaki' upon initiation -  Janaki meaning 'mother of the universe'  - i will one day be that -desiring to have a positive experience from having the name 'Janaki' - as the 'Janaki, mother of the universe' character - not realizing I AM HERE as breath in every moment - equal to all that exist - as all came from the same substance all are made of - as all Life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the 'tantric yogi' character - where i take a shower in the morning and in the evening, recite the bath mantra as i look at the light in the ceiling of the room - believing my body will be energized by reciting the mantra and looking at the light - defined as the 'bath mantra' character - and sit in lotus pose in the morning upon waking up - defined as the 'lotus pose' character - then i close my eyes - defined as the 'closed eyes meditation' character - proceeding to withdraw my attention from this real world - from this real reality - to go to an alternate reality within/as my mind - where i transform physicality/substance to mind energy to have a positive energy experience - where i imagine a light coming from my toes going to the head then down to the heart area - which i call the 'anahata cakra' - defined within the 'anahata cakra' character - and then start repeating my mantra 'hang so' - which i translated as 'i am that' - defined within the 'hang so' character - the mantra 'hang so' i synchronized with my breathing - doing that  for about 20- 30 minutes or more - then do the yoga exercises - defined within the 'yoga posutre' character and then eat a 'sentient meal' also known as a 'vegetarian meal' - defined within the 'sentient food' character that uses no onion nor garlic - believing that onion and garlic are 'tamasik' - defined within the 'i don't like tamasik food' character - and at night before eating- taking a shower again, reciting the bath mantra again and then sitting in meditation again - where after meditation i do the yoga postures again and then eat a 'vegetarian sentient meal' again - like a battery operated machine - where i diminish myself as who i am as life - not defined by energy - within self-sabotage - sabotaging my own self-realization by being a mind character desiring positive energy experiences as the 'moreness of me'.

Not realizing  I AM HERE as breath in every moment.

Dharma Cakra

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'dharma cakra' character - where i attend group meditation every week - where we first sing kirtan or chant 'babanam kevalam' meaning 'love is all there is' - accompanied by guitar or tabla - where the men form a line or group usually at the right and the women form another line or group at the left - or gather around a table where the picture of the guru is - defined within the 'i love baba/guru' character using words and music to - get a positive energy experience in an alternate reality within/as my mind - in a mind reality - as an alternate version of who i am - and then to make the positive energy experience expand - meditate on  the mantra to get more positive energy experience within and as my mind - defining myself within the 'i like bliss' character.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'pratik' character

- believing that the pratik is a powerful symbol charged with spiritual energy of the guru - perceiving myself separate from the pratik - judging it as more than myself and me less than myself - not realizing that we give meaning to symbols equal to who we are - equal to all that exist.- where the symbol usually appears together with the picture of the guru - in the jagriti/yoga house - the picture and the pratik in front or in the middle of the circle where we all gather - as we sing in unison 'love is all there is' or 'everything is a manifestation of the supreme consciousness' as babanam kevalam' - not realizing i am singing in essence 'fear is all there is' - as people all over the world is in fear like me doing something to mask that fear in the name of 'love'- as i defined myself within the 'babanam kevalam' character - not realizing and understanding 'love' is fear of myself - and in that fear of not existing/ fear of me as the ego/ fear of not existing eternally - i desire to love myself and others - defined within the 'i love others' character - perceived separate from me - and believe i will attain liberation through this - desiring to exist eternally - and within/as my mind believe that i will attain moksha or liberation or salvation - not realizing that believing in attaining moksha/liberation from the bondage of the ego just by myself - is done in self-interest - where i perceive me separate from all - as self is all life - where through yoga and meditation - we consume the physical/substance to transform it to energy to - within/as the mind use this  energy  to enjoy the positive energy experience of what we do - which we believed and defined as positive and blissful - and when after doing 'self-less service' or giving poor people food - defined within the 'self-less service' character - feeling good about myself - in self-interest - being self-dishonest that it is being done without me gaining something from it - not realizing that the 'positive energy experience perceived gained' is there -  the 'bliss' or positive energy experience when i do kirtan/chanting - which is 'heightened' in meditation - as we do dharmacakra or group meditation - where i experience a 'surge of bliss' within and as my mind - separating myself from what is HERE - as the physical/substance - equal to all that exist - and consuming the physical/body/substance and transforming the substance to energy which the mind use to experience 'bliss' - a positive energy experience within/as my mind - an alternate reality where i exist as an alternate version of me - believing it was me as self - in self-dishonesty and self-sabotage.

Note: To be continued