Redefining 'I Am That'
'I Am That' Connected To 'I Am Not That'
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Me As The 'Tantrik Yogi' Character
Continuation
What is Self-forgiveness?
http://juneroca.com/home/my-process/self-forgiveness/
http://juneroca.com/home/my-process/self-forgiveness/
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mantra is charged with spiritual energy by the guru - defined within the 'mantra' character - believing that repeating the sanskrit word 'hamsa' which i sounded as 'hang so' within and as my mind - will 'expand my mind' to one day unite with 'supreme consciousness' - perceiving 'consciousness' as more than me and me less than myself - not realizing that 'CONsciousness' is the presence of character as memory - and so defining myself as the 'hang so' character - giving my power to this sanskrit word with 2 syllables - which i defined as special - not realizing that i am charging these words with a positive value -perceiving myself separate from these words - believing the mantra 'hang so' is special - where i believed it has the power to expand my mind- defined within the 'words have power' character to later unite with the 'supreme consciousness' - to attain liberation from bondage of the ego - an illusion i lived - meditating on the words 'hang so' - synchronizing the sound of these words with/as my breath - where as i breath in - i hear 'hang' within/as my mind and as i breath out - i hear the word 'so' believing that this is my 'ista mantra' - or who i am that i have to realize - within/as my mind - believing that what i say within/as my mind is real - believing that a mantra is a word that can expand my mind - perceiving myself separate from the word mantra - manipulating myself to manifesting the belief that the mantra is special because it is supposed to be only just for me - and was told to promise to keep it secret - where i defined myself within the ' i have a secret and you don't know what it is' character - where i judged the word secret as more than myself and me less than myself - where when i am the only one that knows something and others do not know about it - i am special - defining myself within the 'i am special' character - not realizing this is a word - and i use words as an expression of who i am - so there's nothing special about it - not realizing I AM HERE - as flesh, as blood - as the substance/physical - equal to all that exist - as we all came from the same substance all are made of .
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'initiated to spirituality' character - where i believe that my initiation to meditation means that i am now more special than others - who are not initiated in the path of 'tantra' - as the 'tantric' character - where i specialized 'tantra' as more than me and me less than myself - believing that my guru is the reincarnation of Shiva and Krishna - where i judged the guru, AM as more than myself and me less than myself -where i believed he was 'taraka brahma' or god himself in physical form - judging him as more than me and me less than myself - believing that he is a sadguru - judging him as more special than a guru - believing that when i follow the 16 points - i will be liberated from bondage - believing self-realization and selfless service are my passport to liberation - defined within the ' i desire liberation' character - believing that me receiving the name 'Janaki' upon initiation - Janaki meaning 'mother of the universe' - i will one day be that -desiring to have a positive experience from having the name 'Janaki' - as the 'Janaki, mother of the universe' character - not realizing I AM HERE as breath in every moment - equal to all that exist - as all came from the same substance all are made of - as all Life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the 'tantric yogi' character - where i take a shower in the morning and in the evening, recite the bath mantra as i look at the light in the ceiling of the room - believing my body will be energized by reciting the mantra and looking at the light - defined as the 'bath mantra' character - and sit in lotus pose in the morning upon waking up - defined as the 'lotus pose' character - then i close my eyes - defined as the 'closed eyes meditation' character - proceeding to withdraw my attention from this real world - from this real reality - to go to an alternate reality within/as my mind - where i transform physicality/substance to mind energy to have a positive energy experience - where i imagine a light coming from my toes going to the head then down to the heart area - which i call the 'anahata cakra' - defined within the 'anahata cakra' character - and then start repeating my mantra 'hang so' - which i translated as 'i am that' - defined within the 'hang so' character - the mantra 'hang so' i synchronized with my breathing - doing that for about 20- 30 minutes or more - then do the yoga exercises - defined within the 'yoga posutre' character and then eat a 'sentient meal' also known as a 'vegetarian meal' - defined within the 'sentient food' character that uses no onion nor garlic - believing that onion and garlic are 'tamasik' - defined within the 'i don't like tamasik food' character - and at night before eating- taking a shower again, reciting the bath mantra again and then sitting in meditation again - where after meditation i do the yoga postures again and then eat a 'vegetarian sentient meal' again - like a battery operated machine - where i diminish myself as who i am as life - not defined by energy - within self-sabotage - sabotaging my own self-realization by being a mind character desiring positive energy experiences as the 'moreness of me'.
Not realizing I AM HERE as breath in every moment.
Dharma Cakra
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'dharma cakra' character - where i attend group meditation every week - where we first sing kirtan or chant 'babanam kevalam' meaning 'love is all there is' - accompanied by guitar or tabla - where the men form a line or group usually at the right and the women form another line or group at the left - or gather around a table where the picture of the guru is - defined within the 'i love baba/guru' character using words and music to - get a positive energy experience in an alternate reality within/as my mind - in a mind reality - as an alternate version of who i am - and then to make the positive energy experience expand - meditate on the mantra to get more positive energy experience within and as my mind - defining myself within the 'i like bliss' character.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'pratik' character
- believing that the pratik is a powerful symbol charged with spiritual energy of the guru - perceiving myself separate from the pratik - judging it as more than myself and me less than myself - not realizing that we give meaning to symbols equal to who we are - equal to all that exist.- where the symbol usually appears together with the picture of the guru - in the jagriti/yoga house - the picture and the pratik in front or in the middle of the circle where we all gather - as we sing in unison 'love is all there is' or 'everything is a manifestation of the supreme consciousness' as babanam kevalam' - not realizing i am singing in essence 'fear is all there is' - as people all over the world is in fear like me doing something to mask that fear in the name of 'love'- as i defined myself within the 'babanam kevalam' character - not realizing and understanding 'love' is fear of myself - and in that fear of not existing/ fear of me as the ego/ fear of not existing eternally - i desire to love myself and others - defined within the 'i love others' character - perceived separate from me - and believe i will attain liberation through this - desiring to exist eternally - and within/as my mind believe that i will attain moksha or liberation or salvation - not realizing that believing in attaining moksha/liberation from the bondage of the ego just by myself - is done in self-interest - where i perceive me separate from all - as self is all life - where through yoga and meditation - we consume the physical/substance to transform it to energy to - within/as the mind use this energy to enjoy the positive energy experience of what we do - which we believed and defined as positive and blissful - and when after doing 'self-less service' or giving poor people food - defined within the 'self-less service' character - feeling good about myself - in self-interest - being self-dishonest that it is being done without me gaining something from it - not realizing that the 'positive energy experience perceived gained' is there - the 'bliss' or positive energy experience when i do kirtan/chanting - which is 'heightened' in meditation - as we do dharmacakra or group meditation - where i experience a 'surge of bliss' within and as my mind - separating myself from what is HERE - as the physical/substance - equal to all that exist - and consuming the physical/body/substance and transforming the substance to energy which the mind use to experience 'bliss' - a positive energy experience within/as my mind - an alternate reality where i exist as an alternate version of me - believing it was me as self - in self-dishonesty and self-sabotage.
Note: To be continued
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