Eating Part 2

 

Forgiving Myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to copy my mother's way of eating - without investigating why she eats the way she does and why she cooks the way she does - which is due to the fact that i am only interested in eating what she cooked because my mind is thinking of how good the food she cooked taste and the pleasure I will get from eating them - not really interested in investigating the body and how it responds to food 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that investigating how my body responds to my food choices require a lot of time and effort and since i have so many things to do it's justified

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify the excuse that i do not have time to learn about the effect of my food choices to my body

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mother is my leader and that since she is my leader, it goes without saying, that i am her follower - so i should follow the way she prepares food because we follow the leader - forgetting that we can investigate the starting point of our parents in why they do what they do so we can understand them more, opening the door for correction

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because i am financially dependent on my mother and grandmother as a young kid that i should not question why they eat what they eat and why they prepare food the way they do  - because they will be angry and that will create a disagreement

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning my mother, father, relatives and friends about their food choices within the belief that there is no use in asking about it since they will not want to change their eating habits anyway because they had been eating the way they do all their lives - so it is me that needs to change - and if i change the way i eat, they will ostracize me from the group and i might have to eat alone - which will lead to me leading an isolated life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ostracized from the group - within the belief that if i will be ostracized, and i will not be their friend, i will be their enemy and as such i will fight with my family - losing their support, which i need the most to survive 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the community will look down on me when they see that i am having a disagreement with my family regarding food choices - believing that we need to keep the family members happy and if there's disagreement, not only will i be ostracized by my family but also by the community - thinking  that family members talk to other people in the community

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted in the community i belong - and within that, fear not having family and friends to support me and rally by my side - just because i do not eat the food they eat

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing my eating habits and within that resistance, resist change in the world food system

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be confused - where in one hand want to change the world because i see so many people suffering but on the other hand, i resist changing my eating habits because correcting that will take a lot of sacrifice and suffering and i am not ready for that - because that requires time and effort and constant self-support

Commitments

When and as i see myself  copying my mother's way of eating without investigating why she eats the way she does and the commonsense behind it, i stop - i breathe. 

I realize that i copy my mom's eating habits and that i am not looking at why i eat the way i eat - and because of that, i do not see what is really required of me to change my eating habits and how it will play out - where my prediction about what will happen when i change my eating habits is very different than what will really happen 

I commit myself to investigate why i eat the way i eat and see the commonsense behind it all - correcting as i go