WHO AM I?
Stepping Out of the 'I Don't know Who I Am' character
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This is the start of more blogs on the 'i don't know' characters i defined myself within/as.
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The 'I Don't Know Who I Am' Character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i don't know who i am' character -as i desire the positive energetic experiences of the character - within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive energetic experiences in
searching - desiring the
excitement of finding out who i am - as the
'I want to know' character - where i go inside my mind - an alternate reality where i have an alternate version of who i am - where many characters are given life by me which i can at any given moment become - as the main character in a movie i directed produced and scripted. This place is my movie house - and it is where i get entertained - by me - an alternate reality where i can enjoy the 'moreness' of me - fearing the demise of me as the
'i know therefore i am special' character fearing the negative experience of the
'i don't know who i am' character in a world of inequality where those that know succeed and those that do not know do not succeed - defining myself within success and failure - through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure - believing that when i fail i will be miserable because then no one wants to be with me - through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i will be miserable when i fail - defining myself within being miserable and not being miserable - within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within being miserable and not being miserable - where i connected being
miserable to not living - so within this perceived split, i doubt myself - i become uncertain of who i am - i spite the physical - blaming it for me being in a world where i don't know who i am - through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite the physical -existing within blame -
believing that i don't know who i am - through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i don't know who i am- living in a world where people live to survive in an unequal monetary system - which became my excuse- that i have to survive as the character that i have become - justifying my existence as the character that desires positive energy experiences from searching information about who i am -
and as i become hungry for more information and knowledge about who i am - i become excited when i hear new information and knowledge - which fills me up and then another question will pop up again - as i encounter more questions about who i am - which needs an answer - which goes on and on as i search for information and knowledge about who i am.- which happens in my mind and requires influx of energy -coming from substance/body/physical - consuming it again and again - and so i searched from christianity, then transcendental meditation, then ananda marga meditation, scientology, soto zen, vipassana etc. until one day - aware that i am one of the atoms in the universe, inside the plants etc. - within/as my mind - about to proclaim me as the enlightened one- i realized it is a separation awareness . From unknowing to perceived knowing - believing separation awareness - is real awareness -not seeing/realizing and understanding that who i am is what is here as real awareness of me as who i have become as the character - seeing how i created myself - as the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind - and seeing the beliefs, judgments etc and what i defined myself within/as that character - forgives myself for living that alternate version of me as the character i have become - and commits to correcting me breath by breath, moment by moment - to birth the real character in flesh acting, writing, talking in a way that is what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i want to know' character believing that when i know who i am i have more chances of survival and when 'i don't know who i am', i have less chance of survival- also
more power over others - not realizing that i exist in a world based on inequality - and that is why i have to assist in creating a new system based on equality - where i do not need to know to survive - because the basic necessities i need will be given to all - so we do not need to fight for survival -in a world that truly honors life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i know, therefore i am special' character.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within power and no power
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation awareness is -real awareness - not realizing that separation awareness is my awareness as the alternate version of me within and as my mind - in an alternate reality separate from physical reality.
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Self-commitment
I commit to when and as i see myself defining myself within the 'i don't know who i am' character - i stop - i breathe - and realise that this is 'like a cat chasing its tail'. I say to myself, ' i am here' - as the breath in every moment. I stabilize myself as breath - and see this as a platform of learning about what characters i will write about related to this that i can stop and direct.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself desiring positive energy experience as
excitement from searching new information - i stop - i breathe. I bring myself back to here - and stomp my feet to the ground - reminding myself i am here - and assist myself to be here as breath.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself defining myself within the 'i want to know who i am' character - i stop - i breathe. I bring me back here - by stomping my feet and saying 'i am here'.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself defining myself within the 'I know, therefore i am special' character - where i believe that people who can explain how this world was created - are special - i stop - i breathe - and use this a platform to assist myself to learn about myself - investigate what i am running away from and direct it - seeing/realizing and understanding that this world is in a mess and KNOWING is not the answer- to instead assist in establishing a world based on equality - where all life will be given value equal to life.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself defining myself within being miserable and not being miserable - i stop - i breathe. I realize that i have to assist myself in stopping this character by redefining the word 'miserable'.
I commit myself to assist myself to transform knowledge into a platform of learning who i am - taking knowledge as me and using it in/as my database of tools to support me in my process of self-perfection - investigating the patterns i created - as who i am as the mind - deconstructing and reconstructing who i am as life through self-forgiveness and commitment to correction to birth me here as life.
I commit myself to writing, self-forgiveness and commit myself to correction - as i assist myself to stop the 'i don't know who i am' character - through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application - and stop the definition -as pictures, desires, memories, experiences etc. within and as myself.- and let go of the separation within and as myself as desires etc. and stand with the physical in every breath that i take.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself believing separation awareness is real awareness - i stop and breathe. I bring myself back to here and change my starting point.
Backchat:
'I have to go find the information i need'.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat to desire positive energy experiences - within searching, finding and having the knowledge and information that i need
I commit myself to when and as i see myself using backchat to desire positive energy experiences - within searching, finding and having the knowledge that i need -i stop - i breathe. I realize i have to assist myself to - instead of searching, finding and having the knowledge and information that i need - look at the simplicity of who i am - as the body - as the breath - within self-trust - by being aware of me as breath here in every moment - stomp my feet on the ground and say 'I am here' and correct my starting point.
Body movement:
sitting, eyes closed, eyes looking at the left side, neck tilted to the left
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as the buttocks' siting on the couch manipulate myself to be blank within/as my mind
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the buttocks' sitting on the couch manipulating myself to be blank within/as my mind - i stop - i breathe. I assist myself to bring me back to here by stomping my feet on the ground and saying ' i am here'.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as the eyes' closed manipulate myself to be blank -within/as my mind to not see what is here.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the eyes' closed manipulating myself to be blank - within and as my mind to not see what is here - i stop - i breathe - and stomp my feet on the ground and say, 'i am here' and wash my face with water and dry it - then continue writing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as the eyes' looking at the left side manipulate myself to be blank within/as my mind
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the eyes' looking at the left side manipulate myself to be blank within/as my mind - i stop - i breathe. I bring myself back to here - by stomping my feet on the ground reminding myself 'i am here' and splashing my face with water - drying it up and continue writing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as the neck' tilted to the left manipulate myself to be blank within/as my mind
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the neck' tilted to the left side manipulating myself to be blank within/as my mind - i stop - i breath. I stomp my feet on the ground and stand up - stretch my feet and splash water on my face - dry it up and continue writing.
