How We Create The Unequal Education System Within Our Mind:School and Punishment E1

Do we really create this world?

Who else is going to?

We are all birthed here living this life, so it is us creating this world the way it is.

We mirror 'our within' - as the mind

in 'our without' - as this world system

So i am doing self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing this and correcting myself in my living.

What is Self-forgiveness?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the design of fear of survival - as education - as time - as events - as energy

fear that i will be late so rush finishing the document i am working on
believing that if i promised something to be finished at a certain date, it has to be done
otherwise i will be damned/humiliated 

connecting this to a memory of me in elementary grades
remembering a time 
when someone came to class late 
and was punished

he was given a task to help clean the room
when others already left
to make up for the lateness

believing this is cruel  -  believing the boy suffered humiliation and  dishonor 

so desires to finish on time
within fear of being punished
believing that
there is a time limit to what i do
and that i am not allowed to do things slowly
and express myself freely

believing that i have to rush whatever i do
to be able to finish it

believing that the more things i finish in a day the better i become

the evil me
using tasks to make myself better than others within self-interest
in  the mind realm
separate from physical reality

believing that if i finish on time
i will be better than my classmates
instead of seeing and realizing
i am expressing here in every moment
within space and time
as breath in every moment
where i can direct a decision
taking all in consideration
then within that decision 
act in awareness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of a picture
of me multitasking
doing one task then another
the evil me
having a relationship with time and sequences of events
where time
TIE-s me
and Events become
E-nergy v-ENTS

becoming impatient when
things do not happen according to how i planned it
the evil me doing actions as the ego
reacting in impatience
to evolve the impatient personality
as the alternate version of me
in my mind reality
which i believe is real

instead of seeing and realizing
i can birth myself as patience here
through not reacting
but rather
assessing the moment
and everything and everyone within it
looking at people in this physical world as who they are
expressing themselves here
and together we walk this life as equals
as our bodies are birthed here
and making a decision
to act in awareness

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
Fear being bored
desiring entertainment
using my relationship with time and sequence of events
to entertain me within my mind
instead of being here as breath in every moment

Through this, I forgive myself
that i have accepted and allowed myself to
have a thought of a picture of me
playing candy crush feeling entertained
within winning
and passing many levels in a day
believing that the more levels i finish
i become better in winning
beating the computer so many times in a day
making me feel greater than myself
believing that if i win so many times in a day
i become superior to others
using winning to transcend my fear of being inferior
within an illusion of superiority in my mind

instead of realizing that
i am balancing polarities
living my fear of being inferior within an illusion of superiority

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
imagine and evolve this picture within my mind of me doing many things
beating time
believing that if i do more things
i become better 
instead of seeing and realizing that
this is an illusion of greatness that has no basis in physical reality

charging my mind in an illusion of expansion
within the amount of work i do
and feeling good about this - within  an illusion of winning
fearing having nothing to do
believing that if i do not have anything to do
i am useless, powerless and hopeless
like a bum

connecting this to a memory of poor people in the Philippines where i grew up
who does nothing all day but stare at passersby
having succumbed to poverty - feeling useless powerless and hopeless

charging my mind through imaginations
which i then act out
recharging the energy battery of polarity 
within my mind

the evil me
delaying work to come to a point of overwhelm
believing that when i am overwhelmed by too many things to do

i can show the greatness of me
beating the odds within fast movements
doing sequence of events faster than i normally do - and faster than others

having a relationship with time and sequences of events within my mind
to survive 
within fear  
of survival

having an illusion of power 
as work - as deeds
competing with time

the evil me
not seeing and realizing that i am competing within my mind
never really here
in this physical reality
where real people suffer
because of poverty

instead of realizing that i have to take self-responsibility
in assisting to birth a world where all can live

where we take time to breathe
and express ourselves
as who we really are
within doing what we 'love' to do
and not what we were pushed to do

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
connect fast body movement
and fast movement of information and knowledge
to intelligence and mental acuity
believing that many finished tasks in a day is better than staring on the wall
connecting slow body movement
slow speech, slow movement of information
and slow writingo
as inferior

connecting this to a memory in the past
of when i saw our maid BT
moving slowly and speaking slowly
believing that people who talk and walk slow
like him are poor and illiterate
and so  inferior

connecting fast movement and talking fast
to a memory of my mom
always out of the house and talking with people
being a counselor in our municipality
which i connected to popularity and mental acuity or intelligence

where within this  i charge my mind  - the biological chip within me
to a point where
i am directed by it
acting out the feelings and emotions
as my behavior

instead of seeing and realizing that i can reprogram
the biological chip 
by releasing its charge through 
forgiveness and self-correction in every moment

discharging the charge 
or releasing the charge

to birth me here as a real physical human
that is self-directive 
as i move in every moment in this physical existence
deciding in awareness
rather than interpreting what i see, hear etc.
within my mind and connecting it to memories in the past
where i was never here
stable as the breath within this body

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
have a backchat of
'i do not know how i can organize all these tasks'
'i have done everything i know'

within this,
being self-dishonest because i have not really given it my all
as one part of me is in the mental realm
time travelling within my mind
reacting in impatience

Instead of realizing i am abusing words within my mind
using it within giving up
before i even start looking at
how i can walk this in the physical
where i list all the tasks i needed to do
and do it without being side tracked by other tasks
where when i see something in the environment
that i believe will give me a positive energy experience
give up the task i am doing that i perceive is difficult
give up the task which i perceive i do not know
that requires for me to push myself to learn
giving up on myself believing it is boring
believing it is something that makes me uncomfortable
within judgment - within impatience
and take on that task which i perceive is easy
to get out of a perceived negative experience
believing if i do a task for a continued amount of time that i do not like
i perceive myself losing that happy personality
who i believe is who i am  - so believes i have to shift tasks
within impatience
living the punishment memory of the past in the present
procrastinating on that which will assist me to
correct myself here and express myself
as who i really am as the breath
within my physical body

So, i commit myself to stop and breathe
remain here
taking myself by the hand - as patience
unconditionally assisting myself
in whatever i do that supports my birthing process - within self-intimacy
as a physical birthing process of/as patience
never giving up on myself
as patience
until it is done

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that if i shuffle from one task to the next
i will do a lot of tasks in no time
instead of realizing the common sensical fact
that i end up wondering at the end of the day
why i have not done my assignment which is what i intended to do for the day
ending up with so many tasks left undone
experiencing overwhelm, frustration and regret
believing i failed
getting apathetic about it all
and just taking it easy
blaming the physical for not creating more time in a day

It is to realize that i am projecting what i wanted done within my mind onto physical reality
instead of walking it in the physical
by doing tasks as sequence of events
without time travelling within my mind
and projecting it in the future
but remaining here stable as breath in every moment until i
have done what i set out to do in that moment


To be continued