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Sunday, March 9, 2014

Self-forgiveness For Mental Health: Disease Part 1

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What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath. 

Why do we fear disease, illness and death?

Why do we blame the bacteria?

Why do we run away from our fear of disease?

Why are we running after health instead of looking at where this fear started and how it is resourcing energy and creating stress in the body?

I recently had a small skin infection which reminded me of how i see myself when i have an illness.

In this blog, i will write self-forgiveness statements as if to say i am sorry to myself for connecting memories to fear of disease which leads to my interpretation of reality in 'my within' as the mind and so create consequence, in 'my without' like the health care industry and all the abuses in it which if we look closely, is our fear of disease becoming the fuel that gives life to this industry.

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the collective mind design that i have to cope in a world where survival is not guaranteed for all, so fear surviving, seeing health, disease, and the bacteria as threats to my survival where health becomes my ticket for survival in a world of uncertainty

Through this, i forgive myself to fear the bacteria, believing that it will give me disease which will eventually lead to death instead of realizing that it is part of the whole that is life and it is to realize that i connected memories of suffering and pain i witnessed/others witnessed in my environment to fear which i associated with a memory from the past - where i saw the following:

1. Seeing the old woman at the town where i grew up, who stayed at home because of psoriasis - all her skin peeling off and her skin rosy and tender, a woman who i judged as suffering some form of emotional pain from being separated from the community, believing that because she cannot go out and be with other people she is ostracized from society, in essence blaming her disease and judging her as ugly which i believed is one of the reasons she stopped herself from being seen in public.

Psoriasis (pronounced /sɵˈr.əsɨs/; from Greek ψωρίασις, meaning "itching condition" or "being itchy",[1] from psora "itch" and -sis "action, condition"; also termed psoriasis vulgaris),[2] is a common, chronic relapsing/remitting immune-mediated skin disease characterized by red, scaly patches, papules, and plaques, which usually itch.[

2. Seeing another person who is a distant relative with tumors all over her body who i judged as ugly which i associated with fear believing that proteus syndrome is a disease that  makes one suffer and be ostracized from others.

Proteus syndrome, also known as Wiedemann syndrome (named after the German paediatrician Hans-Rudolf Wiedemann), is a congenital disorder[1]:554 that causes skin overgrowth and atypical bone development, often accompanied by tumors over half the body.[2]:776

3. Hearing my grandmother said i was in the hospital after birth when i was diagnosed with a disease called neonatal jaundice. She said there was a cockroach coming very near me trying to sniff at me. She said she was very angry to see that my life was in danger yet that cockroach was not helping the situation, rather, making it worse. So, she said she ran after the cockroach to kill it then she prayed to God 'to either take me away to free me from suffering or to heal me'.

4. Seeing the poor people in the Philippines who cannot afford health care who stare in the sky hoping one day someone will come and save them from poverty.

5. Seeing a neighbor when i was young, that had tuberculosis. He was poor, thin and he always had a cough. I rarely go near him because i fear that i may be contaminated by the disease.

These are memories that keep coming back when i have an illness where i live the past in the present, thinking about suffering and uncomfortableness as i connect them to my fear of illness and death disabling me from living here in every moment because i am in my mind.

Investigating the disease showed me the memories and the fears i attached to them.

It assisted me in looking at what I accepted and allowed myself to fear.

Facing them  makes me see where it started, so i  can stop fearing and start living and heal 'internally' and 'externally' as i release the fears etc. through self-forgiveness and bringing myself back here as breath, living moment by moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the cockroach within the thought, ' in the past it endangered my survival by coming near me to bring some bacteria and viruses into my life', instead of realizing it was just a story that is fueled by my grandmother's fear of disease and so what is commonsensical to do is forgive myself for my fear of sickness, disease and death and correct myself in my living by using food to nourish the body for optimum survival and not accept and allow fears to direct me because it leads to psychological stress which in turn lead to physical stress or dis-ease .

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the bacteria is my enemy, separating myself from it, instead of realizing that the bacteria is birthed here in this world, just like me, and that we are walking this one life, therefore, we are equals, and it is for me to see that it can also be used to culture food that can assist the body and that it is here to wake us up and make us aware of what we accept and allow in our mind when we get sick - so we can forgive, stop and 'heal' ourselves 'within and without'.

Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear disease and instead of facing it and look at the origin of the fear, desire and pursue health instead where i judge some food items as good and some food items as bad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one diet is good and another bad, instead of realizing that i am deciding from a starting point of fear of having dis-ease rather than from a starting point of what is best for all life - where plants and animals give their life to support the body to survive so it is for me to realize that if i stick to looking at objective reality, i will see that there's nutrition in both and it is not about pushing one food item and deifying another but it is about me looking at what food really is

I commit myself to show that food is about providing the body nourishment and not about judging one food item as good and another as bad and in the process separate myself from some food items that is part of the whole that is life, not realizing that i am creating a consequential outflow that is not best for the body, as i create psychological stress when i say, 'I should eat this, I shouldn't eat that' which leads to physical distress or dis-ease

Word Web
Any solid substance (as opposed to liquid) that is used as a source of nourishment.

I commit myself to show that food is here to support our body to have energy to move and to survive

Word Web
Any substance that can be metabolized by an animal to give energy and build tissue

I commit myself to show that food can be misused, and it is for us to realize that our misuse of the nourishment we give the body to energize the mind within our polarized interpretation of reality within bias can cause psychological stress which can lead to physical stress or dis-ease.

Word Web
Anything that provides mental stimulus for thinking

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