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Monday, November 5, 2012

The Body: Spiritual Sex :Day 200: 'Desire', 'I Don't Care' Character





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In this blog, i am looking at who i have become as the 'I don't care' character  in my mind, within wanting to have 'eternal happiness' in sex, not caring about the consequence of having that desire within my mind -  in the physical/body /substance - to through writing, self-forgiveness and commitment to correction, assist myself to apply myself in my breath by breath, moment by moment living to correct myself and birth me here as life  - equal to all that is here.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 
separate from what is here 

so became 'unaware' of what is here in this physical existence

through having thoughts

imaginations

backchats

reactions

within my mind 

where i have 'no awareness' that i am living here

in this physical body 

in this actual physical reality

that is in fact aware of my physical relationship to the whole

'not aware 'of 

and 'does not care about'

the very 

 physical body 

that i use to move around

that i use to express me here

where i instead of seeing the physical body in equality and oneness

abused the physical body 

where the evil me

 use the mind to manipulate 
the physical body

to justify my desire for the 'positive energetic experience'

within spiritual sex

wanting to learn and experience

 'tantric sex'



and 'taoist sex'



desiring 'eternal happiness'

and in that desire for 'eternal happiness within 'sex'

use the physical body 

to satisfy that desire

not realizing that the consequence of that 

is that the body is being resourced by the mind

 for energy, where sustenance the body needs to survive 

 is being transformed  to energy

for the mind to exist

so i can experience my idea of what 'eternal happiness' is

not realizing that the 'positive always comes from the negative'

as within that 'positive experience' 

the mind will have to transform the nutrients in the body to energy

for it to exist/survive

and experience that 'positive energy experience'

not realizing that sex is a physical act of 

 interacting with someone 

in an agreement

with someone 

as oneself

birthing self here with someone 

as an equal

both physically expressing here

and birthing a world that truly honors life

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                                                    Commitment to Correction


                            I commit myself to when and as i see myself not being aware

                  that i am living here in the physical body in this actual physical reality

                                                      as i participate in thoughts,

                                                                  imaginations, 

                                              backchats/internal conversations 
                                                                        
                                                wanting 'eternal ecstasy' in 'spiritual sex'
                                                             
                                                           within my mind

                                                   as i desire 'eternal happiness'

                                                            within my mind 

  coming from fear of not existing, fear of pain,  fear of suffering, fear of sadness etc.

                                            where i use the mind to manipulate the body 

                                              to justify my 'desire for eternal happiness within sex'

                                                                            I stop 
                                                    
                                                                         I breathe





I change my starting point

from 'desiring within my mind separating from all that is here'

to equalizing with the physical/substance/body

and 

assist myself to see, realize and understand the 

 simplicity of 

 living as 

who i am here 

writing

where i can look at what i am participating in within my mind

realizing this is not 'who i am'

'separate from all that is here'

in an 'alternate reality' 

where i am 'an alternate version of me separate from all that is here'

always 'trying to win'


directing myself to write

  forgiving myself  

 in an intimate way


for separating myself (as the mind)

 from myself (as the physical body/substance)



from not realizing i can actually help myself 

and then release myself 

and set myself free

from the burden of my past in my mind that is hunting me

where i acted in separation from all that is here 

in my mind

directing myself to 'take my power back'

to change myself 
(as an individual in self-interest )

 for myself
 (as an individual standing for what is best for all life)


and correct my starting point in my living application


being aware of who i am as the body

equal to the substance

equal to the body of nature 

equal to the the body of animals 

equal to the body of plants 

realizing i am made from the same substance all are made of

walking on the face of the earth with all that is here

as 

All Life

to instead of desiring 'eternal happiness within spiritual sex'

enjoy the expression of the physical body within an agreement

as i physically interact with my partner

as myself 

enjoying the

 real sensation

aware of my movements and his movements

within that physical interaction

seeing my partner as an equal 

and expressing myself 

within that standing

within physical interaction

redefining 'desire' 

as dissing/releasing the 'I' in relation to energy 

separating from the whole - as life, 

 as DIS-s the 'I' in R-elation to E-nergy

the physical/body interacting with another body 

made of the same substance as itself 

as i interact with my partner 

realizing the body of my partner

is equal to my body

realizing my body

is equal to the body of nature

is equal to the body of plants

is equal to the body of animals etc.

as all are made from the same substance all are made of

and as i  birth myself  in this physical existence

birth life on earth

and birth a world that truly honors life

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