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Sunday, November 1, 2015

Feminine and Masculine: My Dad and Mom's Story

Mom Meeting Dad 

My mom's story about how she ended up marrying my Dad is interesting.

So, let's start,

'When she was 18, while having a school vacation in the country where my grandmother lived, she was invited to go to an island nearby. She was invited to attend a fiesta/feast for 1 week.

They rode a small boat and there were big waves in the sea. So, they went to a small island to avoid the big waves.

When they arrived, they went to town. That same night, my mom attended a basketball game where my dad was also present.

My mom said my dad was looking at her.

The next day she met my dad in the fiesta/feast again when she went there.

On the 3rd day they met again.

After 5 days, my father sent all of them an invitation to have food with him where he worked. 

She and the rest of the group went to where my dad  was. He made makeshift huts and invited them all to stay for a day.

He was the engineer that managed the mine in that town so he made sure they were fed and had roof over their head.

According to my mom, food was abundant for everyone to enjoy. These included different kinds of fruits available in the island. There were also baskets of eggs and chicken.

When they were about to go home, my father, hired a small boat and went with my mom and the group in my mom’s town.

My father stayed in my mom’s town and stayed in one dormitory that belonged to my mom’s aunt.

He sent my grandmother gifts, like food stuff daily

My grandmother cannot say 'no' to that. She was a single mother surviving as a dressmaker.

He introduced himself to my grandmother and visited my mom every night. He stayed in my mom’s home town for a month

He was 19 years older than my mom at that time.

He introduced himself to my grandmother and visited my mom every night. He stayed in my mom’s home town for a month.

He asked my grandmother if he can marry my mom.My grandmother accepted and she asked my mom to marry him.

My mom said my dad asked my grandmother but my grandmother did not ask my mom to marry my dad.  My grandmother decided for her in her behalf.

They got married and then my father made a house in town for them to live . It was the house I grew up in with one brother and one sister.'

That was the story my mom gave me.

When I was growing up I heard stories like this over and over again which gave me the impression that love means there is a man like my dad waiting to save me. I believed it was real and I believed that a 'fairy tale' like my mom and dad’s story happened.

Talking about Fairy Tales, I associated their story with the story of Cinderella.

That made me really believe that fairy tales do happen in real life. 

I did not see that I associated the words 'father', 'mother', 'men' , women, 'fairy tale', 'love' and 'real' together in  a word matrix - in my mind.

This is why it is difficult for me to see relationships as what it is. Imagine defining the word 'relationship' within the word, 'fairy tale'. I was searching for the Prince to have a 'good relationship'. 

Let's play with phonetics for a moment,

It is like 'to be able to 'RELAT-e' to someone, I need to wait for my ideal man before I can board as the 'I' 'ON' a 'SHIP' to be complete.'

I am expanding the meaning of the word 'RELATIONSHIP' to mean 'RELAT-e' to 'I' as the ''O-ther' 'as 0-N-e' as 'S-elf 'as my other 'HIP'. 

This means I see the other person i am with in a relationship as a mirror of me and as an equal walking this life with me. 

His misgivings are the same misgivings i have within me, so I can use that as a reference point of what i need to work on. 

The plus points that I see in him are what I should give to myself.

I then stop defining myself within lack constantly trying to complete myself by having a man  in a relationship. 

I learn to see him as my mirror and being that, I do not run away from him the moment we have a problem. 

As you can see, words can be used to expand ones understanding oneself and in the process, expand ourselves to our utmost potential.

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