Femininity 7: In The Community

My grandmother playing with an iPad

When I was a teenager, I saw my mom as a housewife in charge of house cleaning, cooking, tending to our needs, and my dad's needs when he was around. This was the feminine role I grew up with. It was interesting to see my mom turned into a female politician in our town one day and we will touch on her story of how that happened.

In the photo above,  seeing my grandmother who was a dressmaker all her life playing with iPad in one of the pictures posted by my cousin in Facebook was also very interesting.

When my father was in the Philippines resting and had no work contract abroad, my mom normally worked as a municipal health counsellor and a teacher. 

She was an accounting student who worked as a maid to the owner of the college where she studied and with the additional support of my dad she graduated the course. There was a shortage of teachers, so our relative who was the principal of the school asked her if she liked to take on the job. She accepted the offer. She became a high school teacher of the nearby school teaching the Filipino language. 

One day, there was a need for candidates to run for public office. The total population of the town where we lived was about 15,000 at that time. It was a small town and not many people graduated college, so my mom was nominated as a candidate for counsellor.  

From having no experience of politics, I was introduced to the world of politics, the Philippine way.

In this blog, I would like to share my experience in seeing my mom - as a feminine, taking on the role of a female politician, getting into politics, and what I have noticed happening around me with regards to other women trying to earn a living in our small town.

My sister and I helped her in her campaign. We distributed flyers and shook peoples's hands. At home, there were always a lot of visitors from my mom's political party ticket plus ordinary people from the community asking her for help. I spent most of my time making coffee for everyone.

During that time, my dad who was usually working abroad, helped print my mom''s flyers for distribution to the public who were voters. I watched her spoke in the community. Most of the candidates were men and I remembered her as the only woman candidate giving her talks even in the remote part of our town - called barrios. 

Her feminine role started from the family and was branching out to the community. This was interesting to watch.

After the tally of votes, she emerged as the winner. She was voted as the first counsellor. 

My experience of myself and my mom changed from a family oriented existence to a public oriented existence - seeing her performing a (feminine and also partly masculine) role in the community which also impacted my life. She was mostly doing her job as a counsellor - in the community, and when she was at home, other people would come and ask her for help - either medical or  financial.

She continued giving talks to crowds after she won the election. I went with her sometimes to attend small events, but sometimes they have big community events where most of the people in the community gather. They usually have music, dancing and food. The event was held in a big hall outside the municipal building. Usually people were invited to dance and partake of the food given during those occasions. 

While walking with my mom to buy something at the market, people greeted my mom and they greeted me too. I felt there were a lot of people who knew her and me and my family after she won the election.

When I went with my mom in her monthly community visits, I noticed that there were a lot of poor people in our town. I was not aware of this before. My life revolved inside the house, outside,  playing with my friends nearby or going to my grandmother's house which was walking distance from where we lived. What I enjoyed most was walking to the beach which was 2 minutes away and taking a dip in the slightly warm water during hot weather then walking back to our house or my grandmother's house to get a 'shower'. 

During walks with my mom, I noticed housewives who lived near us whose main source of income were cooking food items to sell in the school, in the market, or having a store of their own where they sell toys and food. They survived doing those jobs.

Recently, I went to Wikipedia to look at the main income of our town and It turned out the town's main income comes from cooked food. At the economy section, I found out the foods I grew up with

• Kalamay-hati: A type of coconut jam made from coconut cream and sugar or molasses
• Maja blanca: A type of coconut pudding
• Suman: A dessert/snack made of sticky rice and coconut steamed in leaves.
• Puto: A steamed rice cake.
• Bagoong: A traditional fish paste made using fresh local/sustainable ingredients.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buenavista,_Marinduque

Somehow, this small town managed to survive with the help of the housewives who cooked and sold the food to earn some income to support their husband's income (who did mostly physical labor kind of work). 

The college graduates (who included my mom) and those with more money, ended up working in the municipality or doing business in neighboring towns, cities or even working abroad.

Continued...

War with Syria: We All Create War Through Desiring Peace

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War with Syria Series

Do we really create war?

Who else is creating all that is here but all of us who are here?

We are creating it again and again. Otherwise, it won't be here repeating itself again and agan.

I am taking self-responsibility to stop this creation in 'my within' - as the mind
recognizing the inter-connectedness of life in 'our within and our without' and
is correcting myself in my living moment by moment, breath by breath.

Here's my self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the design of fear of survival - as war  - as the body - as energy - as sound - as movement

Fear War - so Desiring Peace through using relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga exercises and other relaxation exercises like pilates, tai chi, qi gong manipulating the body to relax -believing life is about a peaceful body, mind and spirit where the body is separate from the mind and spirit and trying to unite the 3 - in separation from life, instead of realizing life is about developing an equal and one relationship with all parts of life - including all parts of the body - standing equal to the mind so one can see how one created oneself 'within and without' so one can take responsibility for all life - stopping mind participation and birthing oneself as equal to and one with life. 

Within this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Desire to have peace of mind -imagining a peaceful scene within my mind with the guru on top of my head in a certain pose blessing me and through having a savior that can save me from my sins when i was young believing that peace is about one being as superior over another being that is inferior, one giving one something that it does not have- like a relationship that exist between a victim and a savior,  in separation from each other, with me as the victim, as the one inferior that is asking for someone to save me,  asking for someone to liberate me from my own self-created limitation, bondage, ego etc. - which really is a 'cop-out' fearing failure, victimizing oneself, then Desiring to unite/'be one with' to be liberated from that self-definition within limitation, ego, inferiority, and the belief that i am in bondage within the cycle of birth and death - which in essence is fearing to take self-responsibility for the consequence that i have accepted and allowed in this world, separating oneself from pain, suffering etc. and so desiring to self-realize as an individual separate from all, leaving other parts of me limited and bound - which is fuzzy logic really - not realizing that this is self-realization within self-interest which does not align to oneness and equality as all life but just a belief that i can transcend my fear by having someone save me from sin or someone perceived to be superior (made of the same substance = dust of the earth) can liberate me from a life of self-interest/ego where i am perceived inferior

Within this, i forgive myself for fearing i am limited believing i am the ego perceived separate from all - desiring to unite to the 'supreme' self/god/guru within  expanding my mind through meditating on a 'hang so or so ham' (a secret word which is not so secret anymore, meaning 'i am all') and  singing the sanskrit word day in and day out, 'babanam kevalam' which means 'love is all there is' believing it will help give me liberation -  not even questioning this fuzzy logic, but blindly abusing words not seeing that words are equal to life as it is manifested sound as symbol as words and that defining certain words as greater than others is a way of  giving one life form/manifestation a value greater than life and another  a value less than life.

Within this, i forgive myself for surrendering myself to someone perceived 'greater than' self relinguishing being able to trust myself, to direct myself, to be self-honest, to have self-will etc. instead of realizing i am here as breath in every moment able to develop self-trust, able to be self-directive, able to be self-honest, able to have self-will.

Within this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use words and sing words separate from me defined within other words that has a perceived positive value- where love as a word was given a definition that is more than life - as a feeling that one creates within ones mind, where i imagine giving this mind energy to others perceived separate from myself imagining to fill this earth and everyone in it with this feeling i created from my mind definition of love- not realizing that this is mind energy and therefore not real love but an idea of love within my mind based on my interpretation of reality which is biased - where love is defined within hate and hate is defined within love - not realizing that the definition i give words is how i see myself, others and this world, so if it is biased, that is how i will see this world - therefore missing reality as what is here in this physical existence.

Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the poor needs to eat 3x a day and that no matter how many times i meditate, sing, feed the poor, the system of inequality will not change because it's all about money and profit and that cooperatives which was suggested by the guru will not work because it is coping, within a system of abuse based on inequality and not about REAL change  within what is best for all - creating a balanced ecosystem of money to sustain Life on earth.

So, supporting this current system  will create a cycle of abuse that i do not even see - just because of wanting to transcend the chaos in my mind which i created through the friction and conflict of polarized thinking. I believed then that being relaxed within a mind idea of peace will make a peaceful world - not realizing that i created the chaos in my mind and i am trying to create peace in my mind - where peace is imaginary peace and not real peace which is creating an idea of balance within balance in polarity, NOT REAL BALANCE in a balanced ecosystem which is life sustaining.

It is perpetually/repeatedly creating a system of abuse - creating friction and conflict 'within and without', instead of creating a world that truly honors life and walking as equals and giving the poor, the uneducated, the elderly etc. a means to have a dignified life by giving a Basic/Living Income Guaranteed from birth to death - i would settle for just giving them alms or cooking food for a select few but NOT ALL LIFE- where within wanting liberation for oneself from bondage, one becomes BOUND to ones own selfish desire to liberate oneself while all remain victims of abuse in a world of inequality. 

This is the friction and conflict that i participated in for 29 years in 'my within' as the mind' - running away from fear of death, my fear of survival,my fear of limitation, my fear of being the ego, my fear of being reincarnated as an animal or a plant, my fear of being thrown into hell, my fear of not being liberated from the bondage of life and death, my fear of not realizing who i am in this life etc. so satisfying my Desire for peace, my desire for bliss, my desire to unite with the supreme, my desire to be spiritually perfect, my desire for eternal life which is an interpretation of reality based from fear of survival in an unequal world- as it is impulsed by magazines and books i read about spirituality and by telivision shows, series, movies etc. which is being sold also in exchange for money within consumerism - which boils down to money and profit for someone or a group. So, this is about friction and conflict created in 'my within'  which  creates a consequence outflow in 'my without' as war/death/physical abuse/rape/poverty/porn which are all based on the same fears and desires.  

The same friction and conflict that arise from running away from my FEAR of survival, my fear of war, my fear of death etc. and satisfying my DESIRE to survive, my desire for peace, my desire to be relaxed, my desire for bliss,my desire for pleasure, my desire for eternal life etc. All are equally creating a cycle of abuse. 

The irony of it all is that what i was doing then was keeping myself from realizing self - as ALL LIFE within self-interest. It was about Self-sabotaging self within an idea of Liberating Self. This is the fuzzy logic of the mind,

Instead of realizing the commonsense that
i am here as the breath in every moment
moving me, directing me
as who i am, what i am, how i am, when i am, where i am
equal to all that is birthed in this world
as all consists of the same substance as the substance the dust of the earth
is made from, the same substance the body of masters and gurus are made from
and that within stopping conflict and friction in 'my within' as the mind
and stopping the creation of it in 'my without' as this world system 
moment by moment 
breath by breath
where real peace is about birthing oneself as someone 
that can be trusted to stand for what is best for all life
and creating a world that is best for all
developing an equal and one relationship with the physical/body
through movement,
 standing equal to the mind 
and standing equal to the spirit of LIFE 
which includes creating a balanced ecosystem of money
that sustains life

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 
doubt myself within a perceive split within myself 
the personality who is fearing chaos within war 
and thepersonality desiring peace
instead of realizing this is me 
within polarized thinking
instead of realizing
i am here as part of the whole that is life
therefore equal to life - as all that is birthed here
able to direct myself, move myself, stabilize myself 
as an individualized expression of the whole

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself
to blame the physical/body for being stressed
instead of realizing i created stress through reacting to the fear
and the body reacting to that
so it is me who is taking self-responsibility
in stopping mind participation

Through this i forgive myself that i have
accepted and allowed myself to have the excuse that i have
to survive as a peaceful personality
trying to satisfy my desire to be peaceful

instead of realizing this is balance in polarity

where i try to run away from my fear
instead of facing it, walking back and seeing where it all started

Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
justify the excuse that i have to survive as a personality that desires peace
believing this way i become whole
where wholeness is an idea that i created within my mind
so creating mental peace as absence of war
instead of creating and supporting the establishment of real peace

Real peace being
PE-ople as A-ll C-aring about each other as E-quals
where all are walking
as equals in this one life
and paving the way for that
where the poor, the unemployed, the elderly
or the ones who are illiterate or have little or no education
has means of getting the basic necessities they need to live a dignified life
where the resources given by the earth are nationalized
and the profit used to
create dividends sufficient enough
to cover a Basic/Living Income
creating a sustainable system
where there's a balanced ecosystem of money
on earth

I commit myself to show that real peace is possible
I commit myself to walk back and look at the origin of my fears
I commit myself to when and as i see myself desiring to do something to relax
I stop
I breath and change my starting point from self-interest
within trying to get a positive energy experience in whatever exercises i do
to that which will benefit all life - which is doing exercicises
 as the breath here