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Friday, April 8, 2016

Jealousy Is About Me Not About My Partner



Jealousy is not about our partner, It is about us. 

We 'JEAL' (or feel) LOUS-y because we defined ourselves as incomplete being alone or without a partner - therefore, inferior. We enter a relationship thinking that our partner will complete the lack within us - having an illusion that we will become superior within that. So, when we see our partner calling another, looking at another etc., we fear we can loose him - thereby also losing that 'complete us' that is now in a relationship which we defined will make us complete. We believe that if our partner keeps looking and calling another, this false sense of completeness will be lost and we will end up being alone.  This is us fearing being incomplete when we are alone - without a relationship.

I am looking at Jealousy here as an embodiment. I have memories of it when I was a kid where It all started. In my relationships, I can see this character in little things that i think about or do and an interview reminded me of it.

I am writing Self-forgiveness statements as a way of saying 'I am sorry' to myself for creating unnecessary stress in my body whenever I get jealous.


Self-forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious when i see my partner smiling to another.

When and as I see myself becoming anxious when I see my partner smiling to another, I stop, I breathe. I realize that this is me trying to keep my partner for myself like a possession instead of seeing and realizing he is my mirror of myself. So, I commit myself to assist myself to see that who I am is a part of life - and that value does not decrease of increase when i have or not have a partner.
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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious when i see my partner looking at another.

When and as I see myself being anxious when I see my partner looking at another woman/man, I stop - I breathe. I realize that the focus of attention of my eyes is my partner and not myself. So I commit myself to focus my attention on who and what i am in every moment and bring myself to stability by living the words  'stability', 'beingness' and 'completeness'.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious when my partner calls another.

When and as I see myself getting anxious when my partner calls another, I stop - I breathe. I realize that this is me traveling to the past in the present - with a memory of my mom being asked to dance by another man and me resisting the idea of her dancing with another man in an event where I hold onto my mom so she cannot dance with this man believing that this man is going to steal my mom from me instead of seeing that dancing with someone is not about possessing the dance partner but rather 2 people with bodies moving in harmony dancing with the music - and remind myself also that when my partner calls another, he is exchanging insights with another. So i commit myself to live my redefinition of the word call  - to connect with someone using the phone to communicate or share insights with one another as me.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious when my partner shows  affinity with someone.

When and as I see myself becoming anxious when my partner shows affinity to another, I stop - I breathe. I realize that affinity with another is about seeing the other as oneself so I should bring it back to myself. So, I commit myself to have affinity with myself and show affinity to my partner as myself and see him as me showing affinity to someone when i see him with another.

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