Public Speaking: Giving an Impromptu Speech: Self Forgiveness for a Mind Pattern

I saw a mind pattern here  that I want to correct and share with others. I did not prepare for the talk yet said 'yes' when asked, so I was thinking of the possible subjects and structure  of the talk in my mind before the talk.

I Don't Know What To Talk About' Mind Pattern:
>I did not know I am going to talk
>I want to push myself to talk
>but I do not have the outline of the talk
>If I have the outline I can work from that
>but I don't
>this is scary
>why did I say yes
>Maybe I should not have said yes

What I saw In This Mind Pattern:
There's fear of not knowing what to talk about. I am pushing myself to talk - which is a form of manipulation  - acting out my fear. There's also fear that I do not have the outline of my talk and fear of speaking in the moment. There's a belief that I can only talk if I have an outline. There's a belief that I will be scared if I speak without an outline. There's self-blame for saying 'yes' to speak without an outline. There's doubt that I can pull it together.

Self-forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to talk about before my speech creating conflict within myself and in so doing put the body in a state of stress instead of realizing that I can allow myself to be uncomfortable, forgive myself for creating conflict within myself by figuring out in my mind whether 'I can or I can't'.   I commit myself  to after writing self-forgiveness, correct my living by physically giving the speech as I  communicate who I am and my story of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to transcend my fear by acting out my fear - which is a way of manipulation, through giving a speech in a trembling voice and body instead of realizing I can stabilize myself by bringing myself here in physical reality, breathing in a stability and then giving the speech. I commit myself to identify the fear, forgive, correct and do the speech.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that not having an outline of my speech believing that through the outline, I can have a mental reference of what I will talk about so I can draw on that when I am speaking instead of realizing that  I do not need to go inside my mind when I am speaking. I commit myself to speak about what I see is the problem in this world and provide some solutions that worked for me aligned to what is mutually beneficial to all - humans, plants, animals etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking in the moment, believing that the structure of the speech should be known before I speak instead of realizing that this is what I learned from others and therefore this is information that was not tested by me. So, I commit myself to speak about something that I walked and tested where I give a message - my story of how I changed - that is aligned to what is mutually beneficial to all concerned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having an outline is better than having no outline - within an idea that a structured speech will be better understood by others rather than realize that understanding is based from knowing the nature and meaning of something within my own living - where they can observe how I live the words I speak and how i align it to what is best for all - which others can truly understand as inherent in my nature as a human lies the nature of other humans. So I commit myself to speak about the problems and the solutions I have applied in my life that worked for me in my speech.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be scared if I speak without an outline - having heard others say this instead of realizing that a speech is me communicating my own story of change to others. So I commit myself to talk about what I have walked, what I saw and how I changed - realizing that since I walked this, I can draw on my experience whenever I decide to - as this is an integral part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for saying 'yes' to speak - believing that because it is an impromptu speech, I can ran out of things to talk about, and when that happens, I will be shamed and will be disliked by the audience instead of realizing this is me projecting my own fear of being shamed and fear of being disliked to others. So, I commit myself to forgive and release these fears and when I see myself blaming myself within my mind for saying 'yes' to giving a speech - I stop, breathe and bring myself back here in physical reality, forgive and correct myself, then give a speech when I am stable and clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I can pull an impromptu speech together believing that I am not good enough to deliver a speech in front of lawyers and educated people fearing that they will judge me as inferior instead of realizing that this is me projecting my own fears to others. So, I commit myself to forgive judging myself, correct and breathe through the perceived discomfort and push myself to give an impromptu speech.