21 Days Mind Investigation on Sugar
Physical Support
Awareness of How Much Sugar We Take: The Sugar Log Project
Physical Support
Relationship Support: Blogging with Partner
Financial Support
Life Support
Living Principles
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PRESS
Bringing the memories back here to forgive and correct myself
START
Pattern number 1
The Mind of A Meat Eater
>I accepted and allowed to be here in a body
>birthed from the merged DNA of my parents
>who chose them to be my parents?
>what if i want someone else as my parent?
>This does not make sense
>Observing my parents, i know they frown sometimes and smile sometimes
>they are talking using words that has positive and negative energies
>they like some things and not like some things
>they smile when they like something
>and shout and get angry when they do not like something
>the tonality of their voice goes up when they are angry
>and goes down when they are relaxed
>I smile when i like things and get angry when i do not like some things
>this is good people respond to me
>i can move this body so let me copy the tone of their voice
>when and what they eat and their behavior
>I know there's something wrong in this world but i cannot tell them about it
>because they seem to enjoy themselves within all these
>I fear surviving in this world seeing all the poverty and how the poor suffer
>while the rich live a comfortable life
>even if my parents are taking care of me
>I still am not secure because if my dad or my mom lose their job we will not be able to make it in this world
>we will be left with no food and will starve
>when my mom see me crying, she comes and offers me food that i like
>she wants me to smile
>they are always cooking and eating food
>and feeding me the food they cooked
>I like the taste of these foods
>my favorite is that meat dish that tasted sweet and sour called 'humba'
>i like the fat in the pig knuckles
>it gives me this happy satisfied feeling, really delicious
>this 'humba' ( pigs knuckles in a sweet and sour sauce) tastes good
>i will tell my mom to cook this dish for me
>i think life is enjoyable
>because my mom asks me what i like for her to cook and she cooks it for me
>she spoils me just like my dad
>although sometimes she's critical of me
>this makes up for that
>i also love those coconut milk dishes eaten with rice
>and best of all
>the turon (banana and jackfruit in sugar wrapped with a flour wrapper and then fried)
>the guinatan (banana, taro and sweet potato in coconut milk)
>haleya (taro in coconut milk, condensed milk and evaporated milk)
>it is a different story when my mom is not there
>when she attends conferences in other cities
>my dad feeds us this small fishes fried in oil and rice
>this is the only thing he feeds us
>and he runs us like he's the general and we are just cadettes
>he's a dictator
>it's good that i am his favorite daughter
>otherwise i cannot stand him
>i will just do what he says when he's here
>that way he will not be getting angry with me
>because i fear him when he's angry
>i saw him punish my brother
>and i don't want to be punished like him
>that is painful
>my mom does not punish anyone, i like her
>i know my mom cooks my favorite foods because she loves me
>although my life will of course be complete
>if i have plenty of money, love, food that i like, the perfect man
>and knowing who i am and where i come from and how i can have eternal life
>that is when my life is really complete
>one day i will have all that
Pattern Number 2
Mind of a Vegetarian
>Story 1: my grandmother was telling me that when i was young, she was so angry to see a cockroach
>very near me while she was watching me
>as I was sick and dying in the hospital
>that happened when she was ' praying to God to save my life
>at the same time imploring him to take my life and not let me suffer
> if it was not meant for me to survive'
>she loves me
> I was scared to know that i was at one time in the past dying
>Story 2: When i was about 7 -8 yrs old, i felt weak, as i was lying down on bed
> in the house of my grandmother, having a flu
>hating the 'bad taste' of the medicine she gave me
>Story 3: When i was in high school i was having heart pains
>I was told by a doctor that i have 'angina', a mild form of heart disease
>which the 'specialist' dismissed as 'nothing' after he tested my heart
> He advised me to just play outdoors'
>but in my mind i still had this fear of getting sick and fear of death
>which i kept to myself suspecting that those heart pains mean that
>there's something going on in my body
>which i am not aware of nor they are aware of
>Backchat: I heard the lecture
>about yoga and meditation being able to relax the muscles
>i heard the heart muscles get stiff when i am stressed
>so i guess relaxation techniques will release the stress
>Backchat: I better learn about this diet that that they were talking about
>where the lecturer said that the 'sentient vegetarian diet'
>a vegetarian diet without onions, garlic, mushroom and eggs
>was a healthy diet
>this is the same diet they were talking about
>when I was invited to a sentient vegetarian dinner
>this can stop my heart pains
>I better try this 'sentient' cooked vegetarian diet
>the lecture said that food like mushroom, garlic, onion, meat, fish etc.
>has 'negative energy' in them'
>and that generally it is good to eat
>vegetables, fruits, nuts, milk, butter etc.
>because they have positive energy in them
>I guess that is what the guru said
>and it maybe so
>he knows better
>he said he is 'taraka brahma' or god
>Backchat It is a challenge cooking a 'tasty' vegetarian diet
>but I believe that the vegetarian diet is 'better than' a carnivorous diet
>because it is a 'healthy diet'
>I can use vegetarian seasonings and veggie meat so it will taste good
>I am really enjoying the taste now
>but i am still seduced by the smell of pork barbeque
>let me try just one
>i am having a flu because i tasted that pork barbeque
>now i can say that vegetarian food is better than carnivorous food
>because i did not have the flu when i was eating vegetarian food
>I will ask everyone i meet to try this diet
>besides, this is what the yogis eat
>so this must be the diet of spiritual or highly evolved beings
>the guru who is enlightened eats this food
>this must be the best diet
Pattern Number 3
The Mind of a Vegan
>I attended a vegan get-together and saw a film
>where the doctor took solidified fat inside a man's artery
>in the hospital there's lots of suffering people that are experiencing pain
>being operated on is painful, as i had a memory of being operated on in the past
>being in the hospital makes me unable to move around or work
>which is like stopping life
>why should i suffer the pain when i can avoid it by taking care of my health
>sickness is unnatural, like a negative energy
>i definitely don't like to die as i have a lot of things to do on earth
>I do not like that bland taste though
>The vegan cake tasted bland
>i better just take that bland taste because that will make me healthy
>i know i can make that vegan food taste good
>I really don't like to get sick nor go to the hospital
>according to the doctor in the film milk can clog my arteries
>i better turn vegan and adopt a vegan diet
Pattern Number 4
The Mind of a Raw Foodist
> I wanted to go and eat in a raw food restaurant as i had viewed some videos about it
>which said raw food is tasty
>one day i went and visited a raw food restaurant
>i tasted some raw brownies that are chewy and that dissolves in my mouth
>and raw ice cream that is creamy but has no sugar
>drizzled with chocolate syrup that has no sugar
>wow, that is delicious
>I wanted to try and prepare raw food
>I don't have money for an expensive blender and a food processor
>I can try cooking food under the sun
>this tastes good
>i want to really learn how to make raw food taste good
>let me watch videos online and learn
>the raw burgers are really good
>i miss the rice but i can make a raw rice and let it taste good
>I can make a youtube channel
> so i can document my journey and get people to watch me
>Backchat: the chocolate croissant in the corner store looks delicious
>I should not really eat one because i am happy with raw food
>but hey who cares?
>no one can see me
>it's easy i just buy the croissant and eat
>i have just cheated
>i feel guilty about eating it
>but why feel guilty
>I know that cooked food is poison yet i still eat it, that's bad
>I will put on weight, i know
>i will look ugly if i eat cooked food again
>i will look old and wrinkly and my boyfriend will see it
>i better get back to raw food again
>this switching to cooked and back to raw
>can be the cause of me having tumor/cancer
>Backchat: i really feel good and look good
>when i eat a 100% raw food diet
>I believe that the 100% raw food diet
>is 'the best diet in the planet'
Pattern Number 5
The Mind of a Liquidarian and A Sun-Gazer
>I saw a man in 'youtube' who survives from drinking liquids and gazing at the sun
>he looked healthy and serene
>maybe because he was just surviving on liquids
>that can make one look serene - because there's not much desire for food to deal with
>and gazing at the sun, i can get nourishment from the sun
>the source of life energy, it can give me additional life force
>he said when he did this diet
>he is being monitored by doctors from the scientific community
>I assumed that because he was being monitored by doctors
>he is doing the right thing, it is reliable because it is backed by science
>let me try gazing at the sun tomorrow
>the video said to start gazing at the sun for 10 seconds in the beginning
>Backchat: Can this damage my eyes?
>there was a document that said it was dangerous
>and can damage the eyes
>but yesterday i felt good gazing at the sun
>I felt happy after that
>let me try this again for a week and see what happens
>i really feel happy after i gaze at the sun
>this is the best thing i have done
>this is very simple to do
>this gives me peace and serenity
>it's amazing that this simple thing can make me happy
Pattern Number 6
The Mind of One Who Juice Feasts
> My raw food friends started juice feasting
>i have this very tiny lump the size of a small bead in my right breast is growing bigger
>can this be a tumor?
> No, this is nothing
>this can really be a tumor
>I am scared, but i shouldn't be
>this will go away if i take healthy food
>these are just toxins
>maybe coming from me eating cooked food sometimes
>when i should be eating 100% raw foods
>I should have just stick to 100% raw food diet
>then i will never get sick
>i have to detoxify
>i have read that juicing can detoxify the system
>they are juice feasting so i should juice feast with the people in the internet
>it is very difficult to just take juice because my body will feel so hungry
>and crave solid food
>but this lump is getting bigger
>I better not think about this
>this is nothing really, tomorrow this will be gone
>Backchat: I will look really young when i juice feast
>and get rid of the small lump
>that will be really good
>but what if it does not stop growing and it becomes breast cancer?
>It will not
>just be positive
>Backchat: I crave solid food
>This juice feasting is tough
>maybe i will just do smoothies
>they are more tasty
>and there's more variation i can do too
>it is still in liquid form so it's okay
Pattern Number 7
The Mind of a fruitarian
> Memory1: I saw a man in a youtube video surviving just eating fruits
>Wow, i'd also like to do that
>That will be cool to be able to just survive on fruits
>My digestive tract will be really clean
>and i will look like a young innocent girl
>thin and petite
>that is really exciting
>i will have a peaceful mind free of desire for tasty cooked and raw foods
>Memory2: My dad had an illness so i visited him one day
>I was surprised to know that he was just eating fruits
>he looked 10 years younger his age
>that is amazing
>and he's healed himself from his illness
>wow, the fruitarian diet works
>it healed my father
>he looked good because he just ate fruits
>his body became so clean
>bacteria and viruses cannot invade it
>Backchat: i might as well just eat fruits
>heal myself and let this small lump disappear
>and at the same time look young
>i will feel good and will look good
>since my husband is younger than me
>this will not make me look old when i am with him in public
>i guess i have to eat a lot of fruits and eat always
>but that is difficult to do because i will still cook vegetarian food
>for my husband
>I will be tempted to try his food
>and I also like to eat the foods that taste good
>but i have to do this because i have a small lump
>i will not tell my husband about the lump because he might panic
>before he knows it
>i will be able to make it disappear
>then i don't have to deal with his negative reaction
>Backchat: my mind is finding it difficult to focus
>I feel too light
>I fear that i will not be grounded
>I can't do this
>my head feels so light
>I can easily tip over or fall
>This is too difficult
>but this is the only way i can stop this lump from getting bigger
>I think being a raw foodist again is okay
>because i will also eat fresh fruits, vegetables and nuts
>it is not as good as being a fruitarian
>but raw food is better than cooked vegetarian food
Pattern Number 8
Mind of a 2x Raw Foodist
>but the lump in my breast is getting bigger
>there's an itchy nagging feeling inside my body
>let me see the doctor even if i do not believe in them, for the lump to be examined
>because it grew very big
>he said i have breast cancer according to the mamogram and tests
>can i die? i have too many things i have to do - i cannot die
>but just in case i die, what will happen to me, go and talk to the portal? I don't know
>i felt i need another diet that is lighter than raw foods
>so i can deal with the burning, nagging, itchy sensation in my body
Pattern Number 9
Mind of a 2x Juice Feaster/ Cancer Patient
>when the doctor told me i had breast cancer, i was not surprised as i have seen the tumor grow
>I hid it believing it will stop growing and magically disappear
>i hoped that through good nutrition and a healthy diet i can fix this
>it is now obvious this does not work, it can make me feel light or heavy
>but it does not heal the cause of this
>i wanted to know the cause of cancer
>i have to do research myself
>i will search the internet and see what they have in terms of cure
>some uses baking soda in their water
>some go and check in - in expensive health resorts that give them a healthy diet
>some juice wheat grass
>some cleanse their blood through oxegenating it
>but how do i know what really happened to them
>how do i know the ins and out of what they went through
>I am confused
>I still do not know what works
>all i know is that i have to take on the mind, see the mental cause of this
>i will use self-forgiveness for that, i have used it for a year - it's difficult but it makes sense
>it is me that is forgiving myself so i know i am doing something for myself for real
>and then i will take on the physical part which is, assist my body to survive
>this is a big thing, it is difficult because this does not allow me to even feel sad about this
>i have to be here and look at the physical body and what will commonsensically help
>this is a big job
>but if i transcend all these
>i will be stronger and know more about myself
>and I will not be scared of death anymore
>i'd like to transcend this
>i have tackled many problems in my life and i am still here so i know i can do this
>I just have to pull myself together
>it is very difficult to look at the practical side of things when i have fear of death
>the doctors just do what they do like a robot of the system
>and the information in the internet does not help me to decide what to do
>i wish i will find something that will tell me what to do exactly
>what is the cause of this
>and how to survive this
>i have to see the commonsense of all these myself
>These doctors cannot be trusted
>the medicine they give is full of chemicals which even cause side effects
>i do not like medicines
>i do not like nurses
>i do not like hospitals
>i guess i have to do self-forgiveness for my fear of all these
>i heard Chinese herbs work
>i will investigate everything that can help me because i am alone in this life and death situation
>this Chinese doctor, she just does what she normally does
>she does not really care if i live or die
>that acupuncture made me relax a bit, but not much
>but i did not see any change in my body, or should i see any change?
>i know she will give me a list of herbs to buy and cook
>the taste of these herbs is horrible
>i tend to feel like i want to vomit when i take them
>but i will take them hopefully this will heal me and make me survive
>they are very bitter and cost a lot of money
>illness also cost money
>what other things work?
>i remember my friend bought a radionics machine in the US
>let me contact him
>he said to send him a strand of my hair
>and he will see what kind of remedy will match
>let me buy this remedy
>i hope this works because in a week's time i will have my surgery
>i feel that something is being squeezed from within, i do not know what is going on
>but the tumor is still big
>i do not really have any option but surgery
>this is too much to deal with
>what will happen to my kids if i leave
>i guess they will still survive as they have survived in the past
>even with me abroad
>i do not have much to lose if i die as i do not have much possession and ties
>but this life is important for me as i would like to do many things in this life to assist people
>i don't know how yet
>but i will
>given more time
>my mom is here again trying to help me and assist me to drink the mushroom capsules
>she wanted me to take
>it's supposed to work
>because she said it worked for her
>she's nagging me
>and it irritates me
>i noticed i get irritated immediately now
>this itchy nagging feeling inside my body is stressful
>added to that is - people around me are more scared than me of cancer and death
>this is ridiculous, lol
>i even talk to them that i am allright - and talk to them about their fears
>I am grateful that i have learned self-forgiveness
>I am grateful that I learned to correct myself
>I don't know how i can battle this disease without self-forgiveness
>somehow i can feel the release in my body when i forgive myself
>but now the lump has grown to the size of a small melon
>i need to also look at the physical side of things
>and find out what to do with my body
>I don't even know what caused cancer
>i can't eat much because of this burning itchy nagging feeling inside me
>these juices will help me feel light
>solids make me feel heavy
>heaviness and that burning itchy nagging feeling that is there constantly is too much for me
>I will make juices - of fruits and herbs throughout the day
>I have my mom to help me
>but i hope she will not nag me
>because that in itself is stressful
>the surgeon told me i have to get chemotherapy and radiation
>he said if i don't, it will be nasty that even my family will not want to visit me
>fuck, how can he scare me when i am ill?
>t is difficult to decide which way i am going
>but i am the only one that knows my body well enough
>this suggestion is to have radiation to collapse the tumor
>then have chemotherapy to kill the cancer cells
>but with that burning itchy nagging feeling here all day plus weakness due to chemo, i will die
>it is just too much for me to take
>and he said there is no chance of survival
>so let me have another opinion from another doctor
>he said that radiation can work but again , no chance of survival
>they diagnosed me as having stage 4 breast cancer
>let me talk to another yogi friend, also a surgeon
>he said that my chances in surviving if i opt for surgery is not much but anything is possible
>i think that when that throbbing burning itchy feeling is gone when the tumor is gone
>i will be okay because i will feel comfortable
>he said if they remove all of the tissues in my breast and that's hard to do - there's a chance
>i opted for surgery only
>refusing chemotherapy and radiation
>i still have to make decisions even when i am ill?
>This is ridiculous, but what can i do? I am the only one who i can trust to decide for me
>this surgeon is in the operating room so let me request him to remove all breast cancerous tissues
>he said he will try, but he did not really like my decision to not have chemo and radiation
>even my oncologist shakes his head with my decision and does not want to look at me in the eye
>he did not like that i went against his advise - to have radiation and chemotherapy
>even my surgeon does not like my decision - it is not what he advised me to do
>now i am awake from the operation
>my left front thigh is bandaged as they grafted my thigh skin to the breast
>it's difficult to move my legs
>I am wondering why there's no pain
>I did not take drugs either after the operation
>I feel okay
>It is interesting that the yogi friends that came over
>were sad when they came
>i had to even make the yogi teacher feel better
>I am thankful that self-forgiveness is here
>It assisted me in releasing my fears
>the burning, itchy, nagging feeling is gone
>but my body is deformed
>what will my husband think of my body?
>how will he survive without sex for about 3 months
>I am worried that he will cheat
>I am scared of wounds and blood
>yet they wanted me to nurse my breast wound myself
>this is scary
>and they also wanted me to change the dressing of the thigh wound, are you kidding me?
>but it's good to know that i am still here
>i only have myself and self-forgiveness, nothing else, when i faced death
>self-forgiveness works
>i am grateful
>I am also thankful that i saw my desires and fears about how i look
>how can i not know that i have fear of my body being deformed
>until now, after surgery?
>I did not know i had fear of death until now, that i faced death in the face
>I really thought i did not have any fear of death nor being deformed
>my thigh has changed
>i have only one breast
>that's sad
>i am just glad that my husband has a good health care coverage that covers both of us
>the treatment bills cost $30,000
>i will be fucked without this insurance
>I am grateful that he works in a good company
>how will my husband react to these changes in my body, i wonder?
>that remains to be seen
>I hope he does not mind these changes
>I really do not know what he is thinking so I know he will not
>but at the moment all i care about is that i am alive
>i am really grateful that i am alive
Mind Pattern Number 10
The Mind of a 3x Raw Foodist Investigating Breatharianism:
>I decided to eat raw foods again because i find my body really likes it
>This man is breatharian and teaching personal fitness
>he said he does not eat nor drink for a year now. wow, he's still alive
>he runs fast and works as a fitness trainor? Is that real, but how?
> it has to be true otherwise people will find out he's lying so he must be telling the truth
>first thing i want to find out is where he’s getting all that energy?
>if he’s not eating and he still has that energy
>there must be another source of energy other than food
>it must be from the life force
>wow, then this is the way people really live
>what if our real diet is really raw?
>shit that means all of the healthy eating facts are not facts but are not true
>that is scary
>that means that the scientists do not really know the body
>i want to see if that is really true
>i want to experiment and see if that is really possible
>to live without eating and drinking?
>man, that is crazy but what if there is some truth in that?
>but i can’t try that because it is too difficult not to eat
>i can get hungry and die
>I wanted to know if the body still has energy even when i do not eat food
>i have investigated most of the healthy diets around so it is really something i want to find out
>in the internet, i read that there is a cell that does not require nutrition
>there are even scientists who are practicing inedia/not eating
>not only that, there are about 100 people employed in normal businesses
>who are practicing inedia
>and one of them is the scientist that discovered this cell that did not need nourishment
>when i researched about inedia and breatharianism in the internet i found out
>there is really a cell that can survive even without nourishment
>the proponent of inedia is Lao Tzu
>i researched and what i found out is that he just diappeared from the palace
>and there were accounts that the last time they saw him
>was when he was riding an animal
>he must have diappeared and became immortal
>this is very interesting
>i really want to investigate this diet myself
>because this can be the way to immortality
Pattern Number 11
The Mind of a 2x Meat Eater
>I have to see if meat is really not bad for me, as the interview revealed
>now I am eating meat i do not have any reactions
>before, just a little bit of meat and i get sick
>I do not understand this
>I gained weight, meat makes me fat
>my desire for all those meat dishes i ate before i became vegetarian came back
>it's good i can forgive myself for my desire for these tasty food
>otherwise i will be addicted to the taste of 'adobo', fried fish and 'sinigang na ulo ng salmon' (Filipino food)
>and then i will not stop eating them
>then i will get really fat
>i cannot have another relationship when that happens
>what will i do?
Pattern Number 12
The Mind of a Breatharian
>Where i worked, they started a weight loss contest
>competition is not good
>but i have to put my name in so i can show them my process and tell my workmates about it
>I did not want to sign up but i did sign up, let's see if i will lose weight
>I wanted to lose weight and plan to not eat and drink sometimes once a week for a start
>i did the fasting when i was doing yoga so i can do this
>i will be ahead in the competition if i do this
>but i should not compete because this is mind participation
>I will gradually do this until i am able to not eat nor drink for 3 1/2 days
>this fasting without water nor food once a week is okay, it is doable
>then i will gradually do the 'not eating nor drinking twice a week',
>I will fast 2 1/2 days a week and then 3 1/2 consecutive days
>this is tough, i feel like i am dying and this is just the first day
>this is amazing, i expected my body will be really tired today the second day
>but the body is slowly adopting to NOT eating nor drinking
>this is something weird
>let's see what happens when i stop eating nor drinking for 3 days
>fuck, my body is adjusting to not eating nor drinking - the body likes it
>I can run fast
>what is happening? I am supposed to be run down by now and dead
>I feel so light - lighter than when i was eating
>I can run so fast, i have never run like that before
>and where does this energy come from?
>when i do not get food to give my body energy
>so all these talk about food being a source of energy is not true?
>or am i missing something?
>i am confused
>I am mesmerized by these new found 'feats'
>if majority of people eats food and i do not eat nor drink
>they should have more energy and i will be dying by now
>but i am alive and energized in a way that i have not felt before
>I must investigate this
>aside from my skin being dehydrated everything is okay
>i do not have a big shit, my shit is like a bird shit
>so this is what happens when one does not eat nor drink
>my body feels energized with just 2 hours of sleep
>and does not want to sleep more
>i have more time to do things i need to do
>that is something that i never felt with all the diets that i had tried
>one has to be very brave and superhuman to try this diet
>first because the hunger is unbearable the first day
>that is tough
>i felt i was going to die
>I felt slowly losing my strength
>and if someone will give up in the first day
>one will not see that the next days after that
>the body adjusts
>that is awesome to see that
>I fear being breatharian completely though
>because whatever happens i will not be supported by any one
>i am scared that i will be alone in this
>and when something happens to me
>no one knows what to do or how to treat me
>because there's not much research done yet about this
>I might die
>I better stop because the man who calls himself 'the beast'
>said this is energetic bullshit
>i don't know why but I will find out why, one day
Pattern Number 13
The Mind of a Mixed Eater
>I better just eat everything and stop going from one diet to another
>because i tried different diets and still i cannot understand
>why i feel good in each diet i choose
>breatharianism/not eating made it more difficult
>to see what is best for the body
>because eating and not eating are opposites
>and if i accept both as right it's not logical
>if eating is good then not eating is bad
>and if not eating is good then eating is bad
>what i found out is
>when i was eating different kinds of diets
>i feel it is the best diet
>until i listen to someone saying it is not good
>so change into another diet
>or read something
>that said he/she feels good and looks good because of a diet he/she is in
>so change my diet to whatever diet he/she is in
>I will stop doing that
>i will try this suggestion by this person, 'the beast'
>who is knocking down all diets i had been in
>saying it's the mind behind all these
>so i am going to eat all kinds of food
>i know the body will not like this
>because i know it likes raw food
>but my body feels right with breatharianism too
>in fact i know it is the natural diet of the body
>i was just scared to continue on
>i know my body was so dehydrated
>when i did not eat nor drink for 3 1/2 days
>not one moisturizer worked
>it was only when i put butter on my face and body before having a shower
>that my skin was partly moisturized
>i don't know why this is
>why is butter the only moisturizer my skin responds to
>there's no scientific investigation done on breatharian's skin
>i guess because it contradicts what science stand for
>and science cannot experiment on this
>there's this man who claims he has not eaten for 70 yrs
>who lived in caves
>who was asked to go to a hospital to be tested by doctors and they proved he was not eating
>but is that all they proved?
>Why are they not investigating if people can live without eating?
>i will stop asking questions
>i am just going to eat whatever my body likes
>but how will i know that that's what the body likes ?
>how do i know when it is the mind deciding what i eat?
>I will just see as i go
>I will be able to direct myself within this, i know
>I am getting fat!
>i will just let it be
>i will just let it hang loose
>and not worry about how i look
>because i already did a blog about fear of getting fat
>i have never reached 155 lbs all my life
>this is a disaster
>but that's just the mind
>i know this will happen if i let the mind loose
>because i will eat and eat whatever i like
>i can blame food, fat etc. but that will not help
>I am not taking self-responsibility
>i have to stop this
>this is my fear of taking self-responsibility
>i will just blog and do self forgiveness
>for my desires, for my thoughts etc.
>and correct myself every time i see i am doing that >I can also do a food log
>let me do that
>I do not know how to do an E-book
>but I can learn how to do that
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I saw the 'desire to be early' and 'fear of being late' during the day, so as i was doing self-forgiveness and self-correction here as part of my 'Late' character Solution Blueprint for the 'Late Character' - this narrative unfolded. 
When i have a look at this fear - i can see that this is something i am not in control of, the mind within/as me is driving me - so instead of facing it - i gave up on myself - defining myself within the 'i give up - fear of anger- suppression' character - and instead manipulated myself through praying to God or Mary - defining myself within the 'get out of fear of anger - pray to Jesus- manipulation' character and the ' get out of fear of anger - pray to Mary - manipulation' character
