7 Days Without Group Support Investigation Day 7 Realization

Realization:

I can assist myself and all as myself

 in or out of a Group.

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I am the breath here.

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Let's see how this unfolds in the physical. 

I will blog and sing about the different changes that i can see within Birthing Heaven On Earth - through fashion, education, food etc. 

I will then look at other blogs and songs etc. and see how they echo what i stand stand as....

The Accident Part 1: The Breath

The Accident Part 2

                            http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-theres-something-wrong.html

The Accident Part 3

                                http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-3-how-will-i-survive-this.html

 We had an accident last December 17 2014. It was raining and  Leon was driving. A car showed up from the intersection and there was not enough time to stop according to Leon, who was the one driving - so the accident. I am writing what went on in my mind during that incident as a mind pattern. I will focus on breathing in this blog. I had difficulty breathing after the accident so I am forgiving and correcting myself here.

                                                       'I can't Breathe' Mind Pattern
                                                      >That's Leon shouting
                                                      >what just happened?
                                                      >There was an accident!
                                                      >I can't breathe even if I try to
                                                      >let me try again
                                                      >I still can't breathe
                                                      >what is going on?
                                                      >calm down and be here
                                                      >do not try to force it
                                                      >Oh, I can breathe now

Here, I was forcing myself to breathe which is me separating myself from the breath.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

Writing Self-forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to the memory of how to breathe and so force myself to get into that experience i have in my mind, rather than move myself in that moment and work with what is here - as who I am as the breathe in this body.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of me as breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself to breathe to survive rather than be here as breath in every moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself unaware of physical reality as I go inside my mind when an accident happen, I bring myself here as who i am as breath

I commit myself to accept and allow me to develop a equal and one relationship with/as the breath.

I commit myself to redefine the word 'breath':

From a mind definition
The process of taking in and expelling air during breathing

To
the process of inhaling and exhaling as an expression of myself in this body in every moment

Solution Blueprint Update: Assignments: Realizations: 12th Day: Day 173: SF Oct 1 2012

 

                 

 

About Writing/Blogging

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Store

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SOLUTION BLUEPRINT

Related Blogs I Have Done :

http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-late-character/

21 Days Breathing Blogs

http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-21-days-breathing/

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I started doing a solution blueprint for the 'late or procrastination' character - for me to have a look at what i am doing in separating myself from the task at hand and time itself - and instead go within my mind and do other tasks that i desire to do creating a positive out of an initial negative - when i am bored and sleepy.

In my solution blueprint - where i jot down daily what i was doing on a daily basis, i found out that the mind gets in the way of me applying myself practically in doing my DIP assignments daily - where i would automatically think about things i have to do and stand up and do it - leaving my assignment unfinished .What i found is working is really applying me in the physical writing and doing my assignment and not giving in to the mind, so i am doing my assignment daily.

I started initially by starting my day doing my assignment but then there's a time when there were other tasks that needs to be done early on the day - so then i started doing these tasks  instead of my assignment and pushed my doing my assignment later in the day - whenever i have time - but making sure i do it - but i forget if i have done it or not. So within this, there is the 'unknowing' character - as i play this one when i try to get out of taking self-responsibility.

I asked myself a question - did i do my assignment today? and the answer is - I am sure i did but i cannot remember when, and then i go into a sense of being overwhelmed. So, here i can see that i am being overwhelmed when i am not here as breath doing my assignment. This is clearly me as the mind character - the 'overwhelmed' character.

I have looked at this character - but i have not blogged about it.

I realised it is not just doing the assignment but BEING HERE AS BREATH WHEN DOING IT.

These are points i will direct in blogs to come:

*Redefine the Word Time
*Blog about Unkowing and my experience as the mind character within that and correct myself  and birth me as the real character as the breath in every moment here
*Blog about being overwhelmed and my experience as the mind character within that and correct myself and birth me as the real character as the breath in every moment here.
*Redefine The Word Assignment
*Look at how i charged the word 'here'

So, i am also writing down the task that i will do for the day and instead of me writing a to do list or not writing one - which i tried before, i am writing down the amount of time i allocate for each task that i do daily - but i will not hold myself to the time i scheduled daily and will not restrict me to do other tasks when i am finished with the task..

Here is my self-forgiveness and self-commitment for this blog :

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate - and define myself within the 'procrastination' character  - where i stop what i am doing - like making my assignment - when i think of something that i have not finished to do that i need to do - where i am hoping that in doing that task it will give me a positive experience - with the thought that i actually finished something- leaving the task i have to do unfinished and sometimes forgotten -when i come back to the task that i was doing - not realising that this character i  have given life to for a long time - and so i am directing myself to stop and physically assist myself to do it. Clearly, this is me as the mind, directing me to do any task that i think about, react, imagine etc.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself procrastinating and defining myself within the 'procrastination' character - where i become bored and sleepy when i do not clearly understand what is being conveyed in the assignment - I ask myself what word i do not understand and assist myself to be patient with me to really assist me to look up the meaning of the word or symbols or numbers  and redefine it to something i can live as my expression - based on who i am as equal to all parts of life.

I commit myself to put the assignment  within and as myself and see who am i within this assignment - what am i in doing this assignment and why am i doing what i am doing in making my assignment

I commit myself to when and as i feel sleepy and bored and having a mental blank -when i am making my assignment  i stop - i breathe and say, 'I am here'. I clap 2x to wake myself up and stand up and splash water on my face  or take a shower - whichever is practical to wake me up - then assist myself to get back in front of the computer and finish what i am doing.

I realise that when i am not doing my assignment or when i procrastinate - i think about those unfinished tasks during the week and become overwhelmed when thoughts come up about doing and finishing the task - so i commit myself to assist myself to be intimate with me as who i am as breath here - as the physical sensation of what i do - as the movement of my physical body - as the presence of who i really am - and to instead of entertaining thoughts, backchats, reactions, pictures, sounds, or desiring to finish an unfinished task in the past - to tell myself to stop - and tell myself that i will put that in my list of tasks to finish - allocate time to do it  - and finish what i am doing in that moment - and if there is a 'call of nature' that i really need to do something to assist the body or the physical existence, i tell myself to stop and tell myself to start another task - and to slow myself down and not be caught up in that - where whatever i see i connect to something that i have not done - to not do that - to instead finish that part of the assignment i am working on according to the time i allocated for that task - breath by breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being controlled when doing an assignment - because i do not like sitting and doing the same thing for a long time and so desires freedom by doing something else - where i have thoughts of getting some nuts/fruits, sweeping the floor, folding the clothes, preparing food etc. - and entertain me as the mind - and imagine that i will feel good by getting up of the chair for a minute - creating an alternate reality within/as my mind where i imagine and think about things i can do to make me happy separating me from the task at hand  - and time - desiring to get up and do something else - justifying it by saying 'i can do my assignment later after i feel better' which is from fear of control - not realising this is me as the mind character that i am giving life to and not who i really am as the real character - equal to the task at hand and the accumulation of my breaths here as time.

I commit myself to stop the fear of being controlled when doing my assignment - and stop the memories as pictures, desires etc. - within and as myself and let go of the the separation within my mind where the task at hand becomes a negative experience and desiring  another activity or task for a positive energy experience and assist myself to bring the task within and as myself - and express me within the task and whatever i create within that practical movement breath by breath as freedom as who i am here in my expression.


I Had A look At The Things I Have To Do Daily and In The Next Blogs I Will Come Up With The List of Things I Have To Do Daily, as My Daily tasks!

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Journey To Life  Blogs  

 The Creation of Heaven On Earth

A World That Truly Honors Life

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Learning From The Animals

WAIT: Prove That You Love Me Day 169 SF Jealousy : My Dad: Happiness Character

Animals:

 http://juneroca.com/animals/5556-2/ 

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Journey To Life  

 The Creation of Heaven On Earth

A World That Truly Honors Life

===

 

About Writing/Blogging

===

Store

===

SELF-FORGIVENESS

===

References:

My 21 Days Breathing

Daily Blogs

http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-21-days-breathing/

 The 'Late' Character

http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-21-days-breathing/the-late-character/

This is a Continuation of this Blog

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-word-wait-connected-to-word-love.html

The Mind Character's Narrative

My 'Experience' Of The Word Wait

In this blog i am opening these characters and in the next blogs i will direct them using self-forgiveness and self-commitment to correct myself within self-corrective application breath by breath moment by moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ask people to wait for me - connecting someone waiting to that person loving me - believing that the reason why someone is waiting for me is because i am special - defining myself within the

 'wait for me - you love me don't you? - if you do you'll be patient - i desire to be special and superior - because i feel normal and inferior -manipulation' character 

-  where when i was in college i asked my ex - husband to wait for me for hours when we were scheduled to have a date - defining me within the 

''stand and wait for me while i beautify myself to entertain you - because you were so illusive in the past - making me suffer - and now that i got you - you have to suffer also - so we're even - competition in relationships- winning as happiness' character

 -during the courtship stage - and asked him to wait for me downstairs - when i was living in a dormitory - while i chat with my friends upstairs - defining myself within the 

'I am important - let him wait and suffer - while i entertain myself - as the blaming him for my suffering when we were in high school - as the blame' character 

where - only when he arrived and the intercomm lady tell me that he's there -  will i start having a shower - not wanting to take a shower and wait  - for fear of him not arriving - so not having a shower early - to save me from shame - and then redeeming me from shame - by making him wait - enjoying that positive energy experience of making him suffer - and at the same time being guilty of what i was doing - not realising it was what i made  me believe within/as my mind - as what i created as the alternate version of me and him within/as my mind - and the characters i play in relationship to one another - like a movie - where i always win as the main character -where the consequence is - making the physical suffer for that energy fix - as the mind needs energy from the physical to survive - defining myself within the following characters:

'let him suffer - happiness' character

'I do not like to wait because he might not come - as the shameful, inferior, doubting' character

'I will make him wait instead - as he made me wait when we were in high school - as i was attracted to him then - but he did not really pay that much attention to me at that time - as the vengeful, spiteful, blaming' character

'I enjoy it when someone suffer and wait for me - as the love is suffering and waiting - spiteful' character

 - him still standing outside the door when i go down - as he did not like to come inside and prefers to stand outside to wait - where after an hour or so i come down and him asking me what movie i want to watch - defining myself within the

'You have proven your love - you are patient - you are the kind that will die for me - you are my kind of man - i love you - i want to marry you - please ask me now - i like to be married with you - happiness' character

- believing that that was love - not realizing that i made it all up within/as my mind - thinking that feeling and emotion is who i am as the physical - not realizing that i manifested my ideas and beliefs within the physical - where i become an animated illusion - defining myself within the

'love is doubt and manipulation - competing with another -playing the game to win - as the winning in competition - happiness ' character

 - believing that him doing that is him loving me - because he proved he is patient and that we can have a lasting relationship together - defining me within the 

''show me you are patient by waiting for me and prove you deserve my love - so i can bear your kids - live ever after - relationship - eternal happiness' character 

-  believing that when he will not wait for me and become impatient and angry when i come down he is not worthy of my love - defining myself within the

 'if you become angry and spite me - i will spite you back  - as the blame, spiteful' character 


so let's have a look at a similar event that happened when i was a child

 -  where when my mom is not home and i don't know where she went -  i chose to wait for her to arrive home - and while waiting i criticized her for not telling me where she went  yet cannot tell her  what i observed - when she arrived home because she will get upset - defining myself within the 

'i am scared to tell her - she will get upset - suppression - fear of anger' character 

- where when  she disappeared for the whole day and i do not know where she went - i become upset - yet when she's home  and as she cooks dinner - cooking my favorite food - where upon tasting the food, i  suppressed the anger i felt  - and blamed her  -  defining myself within the

 'i am angry and i am blaming you for making me angry because of what you did - blame- spite - eating tasty food you made - blame turned to love - happiness' character

 - believing that she made me feel unimportant and inferior than her when she did not tell me where she's going - defining me within the 

'you made me feel unimportant and inferior - blame' character 

- believing that when someone does not tell me where one is going  - and what she's doing - i feel that something is being hidden from me -   defining me within the 

'where are you going? - what are you doing? - suspicious - you are hiding something - blame' character

- not realizing that within me  suppressing me i validated what she did -  accepting and allowing it as okay -  her cooking my favorite food - which i equated to her loving me - defining me within the 

'i will not say anything - just give me food and make me happy - to make me forget what you did - entertain me - happiness' character

- not realizing that what i am doing is accepting and allowing her to be the 'wandering not taking responsibility for letting others know where i am' character - which i now have accepted and allowed me to become - within the pattern that i live - as i make others wait when i do not do my assignment as i let my ex-husband wait - where this pattern remains unseen by me as i was not looking and blogging and not using self-forgiveness and self-corrective application - so i am taking self-responsibility here - writing , looking, self-forgiving and correcting me breath by breath moment by moment.


Let's look at my childhood - where i feel controlled when my dad tells me to ask permission before i go out and tell him where i am going - defining me within the 

'ask permission before you go anywhere and tell me where you are going - i am your dad and you are my child - possessive - superior- controlling' character  - where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee  -  where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee - defining me within the 

'serving my dad coffee - i am a good child - suppression - inferior - i like to preserve peace - fear of anger and punishment' character 

while he stays in the living room working on a big table drawing his house plan - being an engineer designing our house at that time 


Let's bring the memory of my mom always telling my dad 'you have no house that is finished. They are all unfinished' - where my mom is referring to my dad designing our house and then building the concrete house with a second floor but then only finishing the first floor and not finishing the second floor - where he made another house in the corner of lot in another location in that same town - and it was also unfinished - until we sold it to my grandmother - and the house that he built near the city which is in another suburb - he also did a 2 story house but left the second floor unfinished with part of the first floor unfinished - where when i heard my mom say this all the time - i had a backchat, 'it's okay because that's the way he is and besides the house can be sold and you can make money from it - so why complain - just take it as it is and not say anything because when you say something - he will be upset and there will be an argument' - where within this, i accepted and allowed me to say yes to procrastination - where i gave life to that same character all my life - without seeing and realising the outflow and consequence of that acceptance and allowance 

- and where i can see my fear of having disagreements showing up here - where i am suppressing myself to speak up about what i see - because i fear saying something that will upset someone who like me -defining myself within the

'fear of disagreements - fear of not being liked - fear of pointing out what is not best for all - i like peace and agreement - passive - suppression - happiness' character 

- believing that when we will have a disagreement that person will end up not liking me - so i end up suppressing me


Let's look at another memory here - where i feel controlled when my dad tells me to ask permission before i go out and was told to tell him where i am going before i go out the door - defining me within the 

'ask permission before you go anywhere and tell me where you are going - i am your dad and you are my child - possessive - superior- controlling' character  - where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee while he stays in the living room working on a big table drawing his house plan - being an engineer designing our house at that time 


and looking at my relationships in the past where i have waited for the man to ask me to  marry him - defining myself within the 

''i am waiting for you to ask me to marry you - hoping that you will ask in the near future - successful - relationship - do not ask me to wit too long because when i become impatient i will leave you for another one - blame' character

- first being asked to be engaged with him and then eventually being asked to marry him - where within this desire for the man to ask me for marriage - i became a character that he will like  doing what he likes and him doing what i like so we both become the mind characters that we  play out - where i strive to be the right woman for the man - manipulating myself to be an alternate version of me within/as my mind - so that he will end up asking me for marriage - hoping that i will end up with someone living happily ever after - defining myself within the 

'i like you - i love you - i cannot live without you - i want to  marry you - relationship - special someone - eternal happiness' character


Let's have a look at my relationships in the past - where when i was married to DSS -he was asking my permission when he wants to attend events and i made sure that i was also with him when he attends events at work  - as i also wanted to know that he does not flirt around with other females in those events - protecting our relationship - with the intention to make an eternal - lasting relationship with him - defining me within the 

'i am watching you - do not flirt - i am here to protect this relationship - i make sure you don't step out of character - suspicious - controlling - relationship - eternal happiness' character 

- so when i attended these events i watch the way he interact with the female co- workers and see if there is any flirting going on and when i saw this woman who's skin is darker than most Filipinas - let's call her DBE - skin colored dark brown - i felt jealous looking at the way she talks to my ex-husband believing that when a woman talks to a man in an extra friendly way - where she can make my ex-husband react with a smile and laughter - she is having an effect on her when she asked my ex-husband if he needs his cigarrette lighted, got my ex-husband's cigarrette and lighted it by putting it in her mouth and lighted it with her lighter

- where i connected her putting my ex-husband's cigarette in her mouth as her telling me she can get my husband and be intimate with him as i connected her putting his cigarette inside her mouth as putting a body part of him inside her mouth - so i am getting angry within me - but suppressed the anger - defining me within the 

'i am angry - but i will not show you i am - suppression - anger' character

so i can be' civil' as i believed i have to act nice when attending events - as i believed people who quarrel in events are ill- mannered - defining me within the 

'i am not ill mannered  - i have good manners - suppression - i am good - morality' character

and looking at the 'jealousy' character - where when he comes home late - i smell and look for lipstick marks on his shirt - defining myself within the 

''you can be cheating on me - i don't know - so i am spying on you - smelling - finding lipstick mark - doubt - suspicious - jealousy' character 

and when he's talking to someone on the phone - i eaves drop - defining me within the

'you could be talking and flirting with another woman - i am spying on you - eavesdropping - as the doubt - suspicious - jealous' character

where when her sister spoon feeds him when she's eating something she wants him to taste - i also get jealous



 - where my backchat is 'she is jealous of me and is competing for his attention' - defining me within the 

'i am jealous but i will not show it - suppression - as the  competition, jealous' character






and where when this happens - i hold my breath - 




suppressing myself from making my jealousy visible - not wanting her to see because that will mean i lost the competition - defining myself within the

'she wants to get him and i am here to protect her from doing that - i hate her guts - competition' character

 - where i am manifesting a mind reaction within the physical body transforming substance to energy.

- where i do not like waiting on people - believing i will be less than them if i wait for them - 
defining me within the

'i don't like to wait - i want everything according to how i planned it in my mind - no stepping out of character - suspicious - manipulation' character 

Let's bring a memory back here - where when i was a child my mom left to study in the city and my dad went to work abroad leaving me and my siblings under the care of my grandmother - 
where they made me wait for them for a long time - where i felt inferior than my dad and mom - and my backchat was 'they do not care for me ' - defining me within the

 'if you let me wait - i will blame you - inferior - spiteful' character

where i believed  my grandmother cares - believing that my grandmother cares for me and loves me more - defining myself within the 

'my mom and dad left me - my grandmother took care of me - she's always there - love is being here always - fear of being left alone and waiting for someone' character - 

Let's look at my past relationships with a man - where i hated waiting for the man - defining me within the 

'if you let me wait - i become suspicious you are cheating on me - suspicious - angry - spiteful' character 

I commit myself to stop giving life to these characters using writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application

Self-forgiveness for the different characters will follow

Desire To Go To Picnics: Philippine Picnics Day 167 21 Days Breathing Day 2

Animals:

The Elephant

 http://juneroca.com/animals/5556-2/ 

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Journey To Life  Blogs  

 The Creation of Heaven On Earth

A World That Truly Honors Life

===

 

About Writing/Blogging

===

Store

===

SELF-FORGIVENESS

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References:

My 21 Days Breathing

Daily Blogs

http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-21-days-breathing/

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This is a continuation of this blog

Me, The Elephant, Nature Rice, Banana Leaf, Jesus and Mahjong Part 1 

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-story-of-nature-rice-banana-leaf.html

I am working on the first Fear here:

The Different Characters 
The Fears and Desires

FIRST FEAR : 'fear of a difficult life - desires to go to picnics to be happy' character 


'fear of being poor- desires to earn money and go to picnics  to be  happy' character
'fear of having no money to buy food for picnics so desires to have money to buy food for picnics to be happy' character
'fear of not having fun with family and friends - desires to go to picnics to have fun with family and friends ' character
'happy-go-lucky, does not want to work in an office so desires to be self-employed and earn money to go to picnics to be happy ' character
'desires to be self-employed  to get money for picnics to be happy' character

 

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'fear of being controlled with eating food using spoons and fork so desires to eat with hands to be happy' character
'fear of being controlled with eating food on plates so desires to eat food on a banana leaf to be happy' character
'fear of being bored with eating rice cooked in an aluminum pot so desires freedom in eating rice cooked in banana leaf to be happy' character
'fear of eating ordinary, easy to prepare food like fried fish so desires to eat special, difficult to prepare food like rellenong bangus to be happy' character
'fear of eating ordinary fried bangus or milkfish - so desires to eat special daing na bangus, or milkfish marinated in vinegar and garlic in picnics to be happy' character
'fear of being bored by staying in the house always so desires to go with family and friends for picnics to be happy' character

  

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Self-forgiveness and Self-commitment:

'Fear of a difficult life - desires to go to picnics to be happy' character 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear a difficult life - as i saw the maids in our country and the poor people struggle to get food on the table and get an education which gives them very little chance to survive - so instead of looking at this fear - i just desired to do something to make me forget this fear. 

When i walk back and i ask myself some questions

*what will happen if i will have a difficult life?
I  may not get food and shelter and die 

*what will happen if i do not have food and shelter and die?
I do not know 

I can see the fear of not knowing what will happen after death - this is my main fear which is really fear of not existing

I will use self-forgiveness and self-correction here -

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within  the 'fear of not knowing what will happen after death' - where because i do not know anything about it - i become uncertain about my life and perceive myself split into 2 - the living me and the one who can die any time -  and so fears death and within that  blame existence within spite and give up on myself and just desire that which will make me happy - to feel whole about myself. Obviously,  this is not what is best for all and not best for me because my fear is still within me and will be directing me to desire many things to make me happy - and most of the time be addicted to it. So i commit myself to when and as i see myself desiring something to make me happy - avoiding facing myself within fear - i stop - i breathe. I am assisting myself to accept and allow me to not participate in fear of death and see that i can stop the mind by not participating in my fear and within that see who i really am when i stop my mind - realizing that i am here - made from the same substance all are made of  and simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist.

The Royals, The Pope and The President: Happiness' Character: Fear of Suffering: Origin: Maids Day 166: ' 21 Days Breathing Part 2

Animals:

The Elephant

 http://juneroca.com/animals/5556-2/ 

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Journey To Life   

 The Creation of Heaven On Earth

A World That Truly Honors Life

===

 

About Writing/Blogging

===

Store

===

SELF-FORGIVENESS

===

References:

My 21 Days Breathing

Daily Blogs 

http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-21-days-breathing/

===

This is the start of my '21 days Breathing' Part 2

I was doing my agreement course assignment when i came face to face with the 'I expect you to drive me' character. In this blog i am looking at how i come face to face with the 'fear of a difficult life - desire for happiness' character and its roots back to when i was a child having maids in the house growing up - which came to present itself  as i was doing the assignment. 

I am sharing this here as this is the character that i started with in the 'fear of a difficult life - desire for picnics' character i blogged about, before i finished the first part of my '21 days breathing - part 1'. I am starting part 2 with the possible origin point of this character.

I will look within and see.

I am starting my self-forgiveness for the 'i expect you to drive me' character and the mind narrative that unfolds which will be directed using writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application

The Mind Character Narrative

Stopping Through Writing, Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective application

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i expect you to drive me' character - where i desire for others to drive me - desiring the positive energy experience of riding the car without having to look at where i am and how to get to where i am going and deal with the problems presented by other drivers on the road - defining myself within the 'i cannot be bothered - 'please let someone else do this'  - 'i am the master - you are my slave' - happiness' character

 - where when i was young - we own a vehicle, a jeepney 

and we employed a driver named Nick' - who i called 'Mang Nick' - where i  believed he was less than myself - defining myself within the 'the driver is less than the owner of the jeepney/car- superior - more money - happiness' character - where i judge people who earn little as inferior - defining me within the 'less money is inferior and more money as superior - happiness' character those that earn more as superior - so  looking at a point in my childhood where - we had a male helper, let's call him BEAT - where i also looked at him as inferior and i am superior - defining myself within the 'BEAT is my maid - elite - happiness' character -  knowing that he's employed by my mom and dad and that he receives very little money - yet he is being given free food and a roof over his head -  defining myself within 'employer  - we have a house and food to eat and you don't - elite - superior - happiness' character - where Mang Nick, the driver studied up till high school, i guess BEAT did not finish elementary grades and the laundry woman, let's call her ES - who also did not have a lot of education and is also poor - defining myself within the 'poor - inferior - i am superior - having a house and money - elite -happiness' character - where my fear of being poor comes to present itself - defining myself within the 'fear of being poor- sad' character - where within this also the fear of not having money to pay for education comes up - defining myself within the 'fear of not having money to pay for education - sad' character - and where the fear of not having money comes up - defining myself within the 'fear of not having money - desiring to survive - sad' character - where the fear of not existing also presents itself - defining myself within the 'fear of not existing - no money - no education - poor - not surviving - sad' character believing they are inferior and i am superior as my mom and dad employs them to serve the family - defining myself within the 'inferior - no education -i am superior - having education and money - my parents  - elite - happiness' character. I commit myself to stop defining myself within the ' having money -superior ' character.

 -where when in the house i would ask them to get me a glass of water even if i can reach for the glass and pour water in it myself - defining myself within the 'lazy - i have money food and education - you are my slave - superior - dependent - happiness' character - where within this is me fearing a difficult life - and wanting an easy life  - defining myself within the 'fear of a difficult life - desire for an easy life - happiness' character - 
where when i did yoga and meditation - i believed that i am one with the poor so i tried to compensate the inequality by treating them 'right' - defining myself within the 'tantrik yogi - oneness - elite - good to the poor - happiness' character - and another woman who's past her 50's who worked for my family as a maid when i got married - she did not finish high school also - , let's call her ML, - where within all the people who worked for us as a maid - a common denominator is that they did not have enough money to survive and have very little education so that they can only survive by working as a maid for us - in our household - where the justification is that we're treating them well compared to other employers who are not treating them well - defining myself within the 'i am good compared to the bad ones - morality - happiness' character - and this lady who became my maid , ML, we were playing mahjong with family and we asked her to get the 'fruit salad' inside the refrigerator - and she started asking us if we want it heated - so we looked at each other and laughed mocking her - because salads are normally refrigerated or frozen - but never heated - defining myself within the 'salads are to be heated? lol - you're stupid and i am not - laughter - i know and you don't know - superior' character. I forgive myself for defining myself within the 'i know and you do not know - information - superiority - happiness' . I commit myself to stop defining myself within the 'i know and you do not know - information - superiority - happiness' character.

Looking at driving again and my looking at my fear of accidents - let's bring a memory back here when i was young where i heard my younger brother at 7 years old tried to drive our vehicle - the Jeepney from the garage to the street in front of our house - and heard my mom saying the gate was wrecked -  when my mom told us the news - where i experienced fear of  using a machine that i do not know how to control - having the backchat 'he wrecked the gate he will be in a lot of trouble - defining myself within the 'fear of being in a lot of trouble when i have an accident' character - where my fear stops me from learning how to drive - defining me within the 'fear of accidents - not wanting to learn how to drive' character

 - where i basically asked JW to drive me around - defining myself within the 'i expect you to drive me JW - you love me don't you? - prove it - manipulation' character and expecting MX to drive me around - defining myself within the 'I expect you to drive me MX- you love me don't you? - prove it - manipulation' character - expecting  RD to drive me around - defining me within the 'i expect you to drive me RD - you love me don't you? - manipulation' character - expecting  ZB to drive me around - defining me within the ' i expect you to drive me ZB - you love me don't you? - prove it - manipulation' character - expecting GL to drive me - defining me within the ''i expect you to drive me GL - you love me don't you? - manipulation' character- expecting  LP to drive me around - defining me within the 'i don't have time  - i have to do a lot of stuff- - overwhelmed - procrastination' character-  like a 'queen being driven around by my subjects' - defining me within the 'drive me around - superior- happiness' character - not seeing and realizing that it is my fear of not facing who i have become - defining me within the 'i do not want to face me - i am driven by my fear of driving - fear of accidents - i don't want to face my fears ' character. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the  'i do not want to face me - i am driven by my fear of driving - fear of accidents - i don't want to face my fears ' character. I commit myself to stop defining myself within the  'i do not want to face me - i am driven by my fear of driving - fear of accidents - i don't want to face my fears ' character.

 - where after my relationship with RD i enrolled in a driving school, took the written test and when i passed the theory test i felt happy - defining me within 'i passed - superior - happiness' character - then took the practical test and when i failed because i turned late in an intersection i felt inferior -  defining myself within the 'i failed in the practical exam - driving - inferior' character -  i blamed the instructor for not passing me - within spite - 'defining me within the 'you failed me - driving -blame ' character -believing that he's a Filipino and he hates me to succeed because i am a Filipina - defining me within the 'i hate my own kind - jealous - spite' character - believing that he was so strict - defining me within the 'he's strict - driving blame' character -when he could be lenient with me - because i am a Filipina - defining me within 'i favor you as you have the same nationality with me - i love my own kind - separation from all life' character and because i felt inferior that i failed - defining me within the 'i failed - inferior' character - i stopped trying to do it the second time - because of shame - defining me within the 'i am ashamed that i failed - inferior' character. I forgive myself that  have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i am ashamed that i failed - inferior' character. I commit myself to assist myself to accept and allow me to instead of definining myself as the 'i am ashamed that i failed - inferior' - to instead express me as life breath by breath moment by moment.

Looking at my expecting someone to drive for me again - seeing that within this - in the world system - i created the superior characters having a driver to drive them around like the royal family - having slaves to dive them around and slaves to cook for them - 

- the president being driven around

- the pope being driven around

and looking at me having maids to cook for me to please me - and me cooking to please others - where i created inequality in my world and created the world system being a mirror of 'my within' as my 'without'- having a look at the world system where the royal family has cooks

 - the president has cooks 

- the pope has cooks 

- where what humans cannot see is that nature is being mined for food and profit - and animals and plants are being consumed for food and profit - within the food industry - and that inequality is the name of the world game of characters - the same character that i play out - which is coming from our collective fears of suffering and a difficult life and our collective desire for an easy life and happiness - the same desire that i am giving life to - so i commit myself to stop.

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Stopping the Mind Narrative

Self-commitment Script

I commit myself to when and as i see myself fearing driving because of fear of accidents - i stop - i breathe - and bring myself back here and assist myself to accept and allow me to express me within driving.

I commit myself to stop my fears and learn how to drive and stop expecting others to drive me.

I commit myself to assist in establishing a world that truly honors life based on equality -where nature will not be mined for profit and animals and plants will not be consumed in the name of money - and as we stop the mind - and stop the characters that we play out - birth a world where we can live without the need to mine the earth nor slaughter animals and plants for food and profit.

I commit myself to work in the world but not of the world as we establish a new system based on equality.