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Showing posts with label buddhist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label buddhist. Show all posts

Thursday, September 25, 2014

It's All About Me: Awareness Verse




Sharing Some Verses of When We Attended a Workshop

It's All About Me

Words I Speak
Talk About Who I Am
The Sound of My Voice
I Hear Silence and Noise

Resonating and experiencing me 
I Come Face to Face with Myself
Self-forgiving The Charge
We Put Into Words 


Releasing The Self-Imposed Limits
I Expand and Redefine Words
Stretching The Boundary
I Embrace Me

Exposing and Forgiving 
I create from nothingness
As the Creator and Created 
I See Its All About Me





The Earth Is My Plate: Awareness Verse






We attended a Mindfulness Workshop at a Center here in Dallas and we were asked to write verses. 

To The Readers, I am Sharing These Verses I Wrote ,


The Earth Is My Plate

Eating from the earth,
I walk with the plants
that populate the land

Walking with the animals
Roaming in the fields
Realizing they sacrifice their lives 

In gratitude I bow 
For the nourishment they provide

Monday, October 1, 2012

Solution Blueprint Update: Assignments: Realizations: 12th Day: Day 173: SF Oct 1 2012




 
                 


 

SOLUTION BLUEPRINT

Related Blogs I Have Done :
21 Days Breathing Blogs
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I started doing a solution blueprint for the 'late or procrastination' character - for me to have a look at what i am doing in separating myself from the task at hand and time itself - and instead go within my mind and do other tasks that i desire to do creating a positive out of an initial negative - when i am bored and sleepy.

In my solution blueprint - where i jot down daily what i was doing on a daily basis, i found out that the mind gets in the way of me applying myself practically in doing my DIP assignments daily - where i would automatically think about things i have to do and stand up and do it - leaving my assignment unfinished .What i found is working is really applying me in the physical writing and doing my assignment and not giving in to the mind, so i am doing my assignment daily.

I started initially by starting my day doing my assignment but then there's a time when there were other tasks that needs to be done early on the day - so then i started doing these tasks  instead of my assignment and pushed my doing my assignment later in the day - whenever i have time - but making sure i do it - but i forget if i have done it or not. So within this, there is the 'unknowing' character - as i play this one when i try to get out of taking self-responsibility.

I asked myself a question - did i do my assignment today? and the answer is - I am sure i did but i cannot remember when, and then i go into a sense of being overwhelmed. So, here i can see that i am being overwhelmed when i am not here as breath doing my assignment. This is clearly me as the mind character - the 'overwhelmed' character.

I have looked at this character - but i have not blogged about it.

I realised it is not just doing the assignment but BEING HERE AS BREATH WHEN DOING IT.

These are points i will direct in blogs to come:

*Redefine the Word Time
*Blog about Unkowing and my experience as the mind character within that and correct myself  and birth me as the real character as the breath in every moment here
*Blog about being overwhelmed and my experience as the mind character within that and correct myself and birth me as the real character as the breath in every moment here.
*Redefine The Word Assignment
*Look at how i charged the word 'here'

So, i am also writing down the task that i will do for the day and instead of me writing a to do list or not writing one - which i tried before, i am writing down the amount of time i allocate for each task that i do daily - but i will not hold myself to the time i scheduled daily and will not restrict me to do other tasks when i am finished with the task..

Here is my self-forgiveness and self-commitment for this blog :

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate - and define myself within the 'procrastination' character  - where i stop what i am doing - like making my assignment - when i think of something that i have not finished to do that i need to do - where i am hoping that in doing that task it will give me a positive experience - with the thought that i actually finished something- leaving the task i have to do unfinished and sometimes forgotten -when i come back to the task that i was doing - not realising that this character i  have given life to for a long time - and so i am directing myself to stop and physically assist myself to do it. Clearly, this is me as the mind, directing me to do any task that i think about, react, imagine etc.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself procrastinating and defining myself within the 'procrastination' character - where i become bored and sleepy when i do not clearly understand what is being conveyed in the assignment - I ask myself what word i do not understand and assist myself to be patient with me to really assist me to look up the meaning of the word or symbols or numbers  and redefine it to something i can live as my expression - based on who i am as equal to all parts of life.

I commit myself to put the assignment  within and as myself and see who am i within this assignment - what am i in doing this assignment and why am i doing what i am doing in making my assignment

I commit myself to when and as i feel sleepy and bored and having a mental blank -when i am making my assignment  i stop - i breathe and say, 'I am here'. I clap 2x to wake myself up and stand up and splash water on my face  or take a shower - whichever is practical to wake me up - then assist myself to get back in front of the computer and finish what i am doing.

I realise that when i am not doing my assignment or when i procrastinate - i think about those unfinished tasks during the week and become overwhelmed when thoughts come up about doing and finishing the task - so i commit myself to assist myself to be intimate with me as who i am as breath here - as the physical sensation of what i do - as the movement of my physical body - as the presence of who i really am - and to instead of entertaining thoughts, backchats, reactions, pictures, sounds, or desiring to finish an unfinished task in the past - to tell myself to stop - and tell myself that i will put that in my list of tasks to finish - allocate time to do it  - and finish what i am doing in that moment - and if there is a 'call of nature' that i really need to do something to assist the body or the physical existence, i tell myself to stop and tell myself to start another task - and to slow myself down and not be caught up in that - where whatever i see i connect to something that i have not done - to not do that - to instead finish that part of the assignment i am working on according to the time i allocated for that task - breath by breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being controlled when doing an assignment - because i do not like sitting and doing the same thing for a long time and so desires freedom by doing something else - where i have thoughts of getting some nuts/fruits, sweeping the floor, folding the clothes, preparing food etc. - and entertain me as the mind - and imagine that i will feel good by getting up of the chair for a minute - creating an alternate reality within/as my mind where i imagine and think about things i can do to make me happy separating me from the task at hand  - and time - desiring to get up and do something else - justifying it by saying 'i can do my assignment later after i feel better' which is from fear of control - not realising this is me as the mind character that i am giving life to and not who i really am as the real character - equal to the task at hand and the accumulation of my breaths here as time.

I commit myself to stop the fear of being controlled when doing my assignment - and stop the memories as pictures, desires etc. - within and as myself and let go of the the separation within my mind where the task at hand becomes a negative experience and desiring  another activity or task for a positive energy experience and assist myself to bring the task within and as myself - and express me within the task and whatever i create within that practical movement breath by breath as freedom as who i am here in my expression.


I Had A look At The Things I Have To Do Daily and In The Next Blogs I Will Come Up With The List of Things I Have To Do Daily, as My Daily tasks!
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Friday, September 28, 2012

Wait: Prove That You Love Me Part 2 SF: Day 170 Characters Jealousy Blame Happiness



Animals:
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My 21 Days Breathing
Daily Blogs

This is a Continuation of this Blog


My 'Experience' Of The Word Wait
Stopping the Mind Narrative
Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'wait for me - you love me don't you? - if you do you'll be patient - i desire to be special and superior - because i feel normal and inferior -manipulation' character  


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the ''stand and wait for me while i beautify myself to entertain you - because you were so illusive in the past - making me suffer - and now that i got you - you have to suffer also - so we're even - competition in relationships- winning as happiness' character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'I am important - let him wait and suffer - while i entertain myself - as the blaming him for my suffering when we were in high school - as the blame' character 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 
'let him suffer - happiness' character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the  'I do not like to wait because he might not come - as the shameful, inferior, doubting' character




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the
'I will make him wait - as he made me wait when we were in high school - as i was attracted to him then - but he did not really pay that much attention to me at that time - as the vengeful, spiteful, blaming' character 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'I enjoy it when someone suffer and wait for me - as love is suffering and waiting - spiteful' character 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'you have proven your love - you are patient - you are the kind that will die for me - you are my kind of a man - i love you - i want to marry you - please ask me now - i like to be married with you - happiness' character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'love is doubt and manipulation - competing with another - playing the game to win - as the winning in competition desiring to be happy' character



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'show me you are patient by waiting for me and prove you deserve my love - so i can bear your kids -and live happily ever after in a relationship - desiring to be happy' character
''show me you are patient by waiting for me and prove you deserve my love - so i can bear your kids - live ever after - relationship - eternal happiness' character 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'if you become angry and spite me - i will spite you back - as the blaming, spiteful' character
A similar event that happened when i was a child:


 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 

'i am scared to tell her - she will get upset as the suppression and fear of anger desiring to be happy' character 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 

 'i am angry and i am blaming you for making me angry because of what you did as the blame and spiteful -yet after  eating tasty food you made - my blame turned to love for you - entertainment as happiness' character




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 
'you made me feel unimportant and inferior - so i am blaming you - blame' character 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 

'where are you going?  what are you doing? -i am  suspicious that you are hiding something - blaming you as the suspicious, jealous, blaming' character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the  
'i will not say anything - just give me food and make me happy - to make me forget what you did - entertain me - food bribe happiness' character

As My Mom:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i am wandering and not taking responsibility for letting others in the family know where i am going - as the self - interest first, freedom seeking, i don't care ' character 


Let's look at my childhood - where i feel controlled when my dad tells me to ask permission before i go out and tell him where i am going :


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'ask permission before you go anywhere and tell me where you are going - i am your dad and you are my child - possessive - superior- controlling' character  - where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee - defining me within the 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'serving my dad coffee - i am a good child - suppression - inferior - i like to preserve peace - fear of anger and punishment - peace is happiness' character 



As My Mom:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'you are procrastinating - do what you're told - finish the house - inferior trying to be superior - disgusted - desiring a nice house - controlling' character 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 
'he's okay - he loves me - so let him be -being liked as justification to being self-dishonest - as the i like to be liked' character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the
'desire to always agree with someone - to preserve peace - desiring happiness' character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'fear of upsetting someone - suppression' character


As My Dad:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'ask permission before you go anywhere and tell me where you are going - i am your dad and you are just my child - possessive - superior - controlling' character


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'making you coffee - inferior - pleasing dad - as the suppression, happiness' character

More Self-forgiveness for self-definition in the coming blogs

Thursday, September 27, 2012

WAIT: Prove That You Love Me Day 169 SF Jealousy : My Dad: Happiness Character





Animals:
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My 21 Days Breathing
Daily Blogs

 The 'Late' Character



This is a Continuation of this Blog

The Mind Character's Narrative
My 'Experience' Of The Word Wait

In this blog i am opening these characters and in the next blogs i will direct them using self-forgiveness and self-commitment to correct myself within self-corrective application breath by breath moment by moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ask people to wait for me - connecting someone waiting to that person loving me - believing that the reason why someone is waiting for me is because i am special - defining myself within the

 'wait for me - you love me don't you? - if you do you'll be patient - i desire to be special and superior - because i feel normal and inferior -manipulation' character 

-  where when i was in college i asked my ex - husband to wait for me for hours when we were scheduled to have a date - defining me within the 

''stand and wait for me while i beautify myself to entertain you - because you were so illusive in the past - making me suffer - and now that i got you - you have to suffer also - so we're even - competition in relationships- winning as happiness' character

 -during the courtship stage - and asked him to wait for me downstairs - when i was living in a dormitory - while i chat with my friends upstairs - defining myself within the 

'I am important - let him wait and suffer - while i entertain myself - as the blaming him for my suffering when we were in high school - as the blame' character 

where - only when he arrived and the intercomm lady tell me that he's there -  will i start having a shower - not wanting to take a shower and wait  - for fear of him not arriving - so not having a shower early - to save me from shame - and then redeeming me from shame - by making him wait - enjoying that positive energy experience of making him suffer - and at the same time being guilty of what i was doing - not realising it was what i made  me believe within/as my mind - as what i created as the alternate version of me and him within/as my mind - and the characters i play in relationship to one another - like a movie - where i always win as the main character -where the consequence is - making the physical suffer for that energy fix - as the mind needs energy from the physical to survive - defining myself within the following characters:

'let him suffer - happiness' character

'I do not like to wait because he might not come - as the shameful, inferior, doubting' character

'I will make him wait instead - as he made me wait when we were in high school - as i was attracted to him then - but he did not really pay that much attention to me at that time - as the vengeful, spiteful, blaming' character

'I enjoy it when someone suffer and wait for me - as the love is suffering and waiting - spiteful' character

 - him still standing outside the door when i go down - as he did not like to come inside and prefers to stand outside to wait - where after an hour or so i come down and him asking me what movie i want to watch - defining myself within the

'You have proven your love - you are patient - you are the kind that will die for me - you are my kind of man - i love you - i want to marry you - please ask me now - i like to be married with you - happiness' character

- believing that that was love - not realizing that i made it all up within/as my mind - thinking that feeling and emotion is who i am as the physical - not realizing that i manifested my ideas and beliefs within the physical - where i become an animated illusion - defining myself within the

'love is doubt and manipulation - competing with another -playing the game to win - as the winning in competition - happiness ' character

 - believing that him doing that is him loving me - because he proved he is patient and that we can have a lasting relationship together - defining me within the 

''show me you are patient by waiting for me and prove you deserve my love - so i can bear your kids - live ever after - relationship - eternal happiness' character 

-  believing that when he will not wait for me and become impatient and angry when i come down he is not worthy of my love - defining myself within the

 'if you become angry and spite me - i will spite you back  - as the blame, spiteful' character 


so let's have a look at a similar event that happened when i was a child

 -  where when my mom is not home and i don't know where she went -  i chose to wait for her to arrive home - and while waiting i criticized her for not telling me where she went  yet cannot tell her  what i observed - when she arrived home because she will get upset - defining myself within the 

'i am scared to tell her - she will get upset - suppression - fear of anger' character 

- where when  she disappeared for the whole day and i do not know where she went - i become upset - yet when she's home  and as she cooks dinner - cooking my favorite food - where upon tasting the food, i  suppressed the anger i felt  - and blamed her  -  defining myself within the

 'i am angry and i am blaming you for making me angry because of what you did - blame- spite - eating tasty food you made - blame turned to love - happiness' character

 - believing that she made me feel unimportant and inferior than her when she did not tell me where she's going - defining me within the 

'you made me feel unimportant and inferior - blame' character 

- believing that when someone does not tell me where one is going  - and what she's doing - i feel that something is being hidden from me -   defining me within the 

'where are you going? - what are you doing? - suspicious - you are hiding something - blame' character

- not realizing that within me  suppressing me i validated what she did -  accepting and allowing it as okay -  her cooking my favorite food - which i equated to her loving me - defining me within the 

'i will not say anything - just give me food and make me happy - to make me forget what you did - entertain me - happiness' character

- not realizing that what i am doing is accepting and allowing her to be the 'wandering not taking responsibility for letting others know where i am' character - which i now have accepted and allowed me to become - within the pattern that i live - as i make others wait when i do not do my assignment as i let my ex-husband wait - where this pattern remains unseen by me as i was not looking and blogging and not using self-forgiveness and self-corrective application - so i am taking self-responsibility here - writing , looking, self-forgiving and correcting me breath by breath moment by moment.


Let's look at my childhood - where i feel controlled when my dad tells me to ask permission before i go out and tell him where i am going - defining me within the 

'ask permission before you go anywhere and tell me where you are going - i am your dad and you are my child - possessive - superior- controlling' character  - where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee  -  where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee - defining me within the 

'serving my dad coffee - i am a good child - suppression - inferior - i like to preserve peace - fear of anger and punishment' character 

while he stays in the living room working on a big table drawing his house plan - being an engineer designing our house at that time 


Let's bring the memory of my mom always telling my dad 'you have no house that is finished. They are all unfinished' - where my mom is referring to my dad designing our house and then building the concrete house with a second floor but then only finishing the first floor and not finishing the second floor - where he made another house in the corner of lot in another location in that same town - and it was also unfinished - until we sold it to my grandmother - and the house that he built near the city which is in another suburb - he also did a 2 story house but left the second floor unfinished with part of the first floor unfinished - where when i heard my mom say this all the time - i had a backchat, 'it's okay because that's the way he is and besides the house can be sold and you can make money from it - so why complain - just take it as it is and not say anything because when you say something - he will be upset and there will be an argument' - where within this, i accepted and allowed me to say yes to procrastination - where i gave life to that same character all my life - without seeing and realising the outflow and consequence of that acceptance and allowance 

- and where i can see my fear of having disagreements showing up here - where i am suppressing myself to speak up about what i see - because i fear saying something that will upset someone who like me -defining myself within the

'fear of disagreements - fear of not being liked - fear of pointing out what is not best for all - i like peace and agreement - passive - suppression - happiness' character 

- believing that when we will have a disagreement that person will end up not liking me - so i end up suppressing me


Let's look at another memory here - where i feel controlled when my dad tells me to ask permission before i go out and was told to tell him where i am going before i go out the door - defining me within the 

'ask permission before you go anywhere and tell me where you are going - i am your dad and you are my child - possessive - superior- controlling' character  - where i followed what he said and just stayed at the house and served him coffee while he stays in the living room working on a big table drawing his house plan - being an engineer designing our house at that time 


and looking at my relationships in the past where i have waited for the man to ask me to  marry him - defining myself within the 

''i am waiting for you to ask me to marry you - hoping that you will ask in the near future - successful - relationship - do not ask me to wit too long because when i become impatient i will leave you for another one - blame' character

- first being asked to be engaged with him and then eventually being asked to marry him - where within this desire for the man to ask me for marriage - i became a character that he will like  doing what he likes and him doing what i like so we both become the mind characters that we  play out - where i strive to be the right woman for the man - manipulating myself to be an alternate version of me within/as my mind - so that he will end up asking me for marriage - hoping that i will end up with someone living happily ever after - defining myself within the 

'i like you - i love you - i cannot live without you - i want to  marry you - relationship - special someone - eternal happiness' character


Let's have a look at my relationships in the past - where when i was married to DSS -he was asking my permission when he wants to attend events and i made sure that i was also with him when he attends events at work  - as i also wanted to know that he does not flirt around with other females in those events - protecting our relationship - with the intention to make an eternal - lasting relationship with him - defining me within the 

'i am watching you - do not flirt - i am here to protect this relationship - i make sure you don't step out of character - suspicious - controlling - relationship - eternal happiness' character 

- so when i attended these events i watch the way he interact with the female co- workers and see if there is any flirting going on and when i saw this woman who's skin is darker than most Filipinas - let's call her DBE - skin colored dark brown - i felt jealous looking at the way she talks to my ex-husband believing that when a woman talks to a man in an extra friendly way - where she can make my ex-husband react with a smile and laughter - she is having an effect on her when she asked my ex-husband if he needs his cigarrette lighted, got my ex-husband's cigarrette and lighted it by putting it in her mouth and lighted it with her lighter



- where i connected her putting my ex-husband's cigarette in her mouth as her telling me she can get my husband and be intimate with him as i connected her putting his cigarette inside her mouth as putting a body part of him inside her mouth - so i am getting angry within me - but suppressed the anger - defining me within the 

'i am angry - but i will not show you i am - suppression - anger' character

so i can be' civil' as i believed i have to act nice when attending events - as i believed people who quarrel in events are ill- mannered - defining me within the 

'i am not ill mannered  - i have good manners - suppression - i am good - morality' character

and looking at the 'jealousy' character - where when he comes home late - i smell and look for lipstick marks on his shirt - defining myself within the 

''you can be cheating on me - i don't know - so i am spying on you - smelling - finding lipstick mark - doubt - suspicious - jealousy' character 




and when he's talking to someone on the phone - i eaves drop - defining me within the

'you could be talking and flirting with another woman - i am spying on you - eavesdropping - as the doubt - suspicious - jealous' character




where when her sister spoon feeds him when she's eating something she wants him to taste - i also get jealous



 - where my backchat is 'she is jealous of me and is competing for his attention' - defining me within the 

'i am jealous but i will not show it - suppression - as the  competition, jealous' character






and where when this happens - i hold my breath - 




suppressing myself from making my jealousy visible - not wanting her to see because that will mean i lost the competition - defining myself within the

'she wants to get him and i am here to protect her from doing that - i hate her guts - competition' character

 - where i am manifesting a mind reaction within the physical body transforming substance to energy.

- where i do not like waiting on people - believing i will be less than them if i wait for them - 
defining me within the

'i don't like to wait - i want everything according to how i planned it in my mind - no stepping out of character - suspicious - manipulation' character 

Let's bring a memory back here - where when i was a child my mom left to study in the city and my dad went to work abroad leaving me and my siblings under the care of my grandmother - 
where they made me wait for them for a long time - where i felt inferior than my dad and mom - and my backchat was 'they do not care for me ' - defining me within the

 'if you let me wait - i will blame you - inferior - spiteful' character

where i believed  my grandmother cares - believing that my grandmother cares for me and loves me more - defining myself within the 

'my mom and dad left me - my grandmother took care of me - she's always there - love is being here always - fear of being left alone and waiting for someone' character - 

Let's look at my past relationships with a man - where i hated waiting for the man - defining me within the 

'if you let me wait - i become suspicious you are cheating on me - suspicious - angry - spiteful' character 

I commit myself to stop giving life to these characters using writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application

Self-forgiveness for the different characters will follow

Monday, September 24, 2012

21 days Breathing: Last day: 21st Day: START of 21 Days Breathing PART 2 JTL Day 165


Animals:
The Elephant
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 The Creation of Heaven On Earth
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My 21 Days Breathing
Daily Blogs

This is the 21st day of the 21 days breathing.


I faced my fears etc. in those 21 days, as i saw my participation within what i accepted and allowed within/as my mind.

I 'peeped through' the character system that i created .

I saw a lot of patterns that i can open up - to show me how i created who i have become - as the mind character- and from there stop and birth me as who i am - the real character - as flesh - as blood - made from the same substance all are made of - equal to all that exist.

So, i decided to do  a '21 Days Breathing' Part 2

I am facing myself again and the fear system that i created and take self-responsibility for the atrocities created in nature - also to animals and plants - which stemmed from my own acceptance and allowance 

I will look at how i created me as a mind character - and how i accepted and allowed this abuses in nature and the animal and plant kingdoms - to also look at who i am within FOOD, RELATIONSHIPS etc. and take it on as it unfold  using self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

 

In the 21 Days Breathing Part 2, I will start looking at each character in the system of mind characters i created  - identify the fears and commit to correct myself and stop - using writing, self-forgiveness and correct myself breath by breath moment by moment in my commitment to correction within self-corrective application - as  movement as presence as sensation - to stand for what is best for all - as life.

The Link to 21 Days Breathing : Days 1-21: Part 1
 http://juneroca.com/my-process/the-21-days-breathing/

Join me in the 21 Days Breathing Blog. Blog with me .

Let's birth Self as Life One Blog At a time!

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