This Blog Is A Continuation of This Blog
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
'Postponement' Character Part 4
Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own physical - body to such an extent that i hadn't even noticed in that moment, or see, realise and understand - the connections -
My hands crossed in front of my body
Left hand holding the left and right side of the cheek
Right hand supporting the right side of the chin
My upper arm and front part of my body on top of the table
My hands at the back of my head
My face facing the top of the table
My eyes closed
My forearm supporting both sides of the front of the head at the temple area
The ball of my left and right foot pressed against the marbled floor
The heels turned up away from the floor
My body slouching on the chair
My eyes getting heavy, blankly staring at the pebbles outside the window
My eyelids shutting down
My shoulders tightening
- to what i am accepting and allowing within and as my mind as the thoughts, imagination, backchat and reactions within the nature of anxiety, boredom and apathy, that has in that moment come to manipulate my 'state of being' and so the state of/as the physical.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to within this place myself in and as the shoes of my own Physical Body, with regards to really questioning/considering how i can alter and change my experience within Energy and so that of the very Physical body within and as my accepted and allowed 'state of mind/experience', which more often compromise the Physical Body in the extent of discomfort, pain, dis-ease i experience within and as it - feeling distorted within me in my experience of me as the physical body. Not looking within this, how in this particular instance with postponement and its effect on my physical -body within the energies of anxiety, apathy and boredom, what has been the consequences in my relationship to my physical body throughout my Life with the extent of manipulation i have accepted and allowed within and towards it, from within and as my separation as the Mind as Energy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so separate from/of my Own Physical Body, that i do not/did not even see, realise and understand how i was changing the conditions in the experience of myself in, as and with the Physical body, when and as my Imagination, Backchat and Reactions changed from the Negative to the Positive. where, as i was accessing the positive energy experience of 'enthusiasm', i experienced an eruption/release in the pit of my stomach, like an excitedness erupting, with my physical body vibrating with a more elevated experience as though 'waking up' / 'coming alive' and my eyes changing from the heaviness to becoming more open, crisp and clear - taking a deep breath, put my hands on my hips and go towards the kitchen
In this, not seeing, realising and understanding how i am changing the very experience/ condition of the physical Body within and as my participation in Energy as the Mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how i am in fact accepting and allowing myself to abuse my relationship with the Physical Body, because befor the Postponement personality activated, my Physical was stable, here, breathing - and how i had from there started manipulating myself and so my physical body with creating a 'dis-ease'/ 'discomfort in the Physical-Body. Manipulating the physical body and so myself into energy-submission with how the negative Energy experience changed my shoulders to tightening, my stomach to cringing/cramping and the following:
my Left hand holding the left and right side of the cheek
The ball of my left and right foot pressed against the marbled floor
my heels turned up away from the floor
My body slouching on the chair
My eyes getting heavy blankly staring at the pebbles outside the window
My eyelids shutting down
My shoulders tightening
And then, simultaneously with creating those very conditions/experiences, i manifest me as the 'cure' as the positive-energy experiences i then participated in with my body vibrating with positive-energy as enthusiasm 'coming alive', thus relaxing my shoulders, my stomach erupting in an energy experience and my eyes becoming open. Not seeing, realising and understanding within this all - that none of it is 'real', from the perspective that my experience in the body and so the body's experience in itself is dependent on the energy i generate in my mind through, within and as the dimensions of thought, backchat, imagination and reaction. And so in fact use my mind to manipulate my body and so myself to justify, excuse and validate manifesting my wants, needs and desires in reality, instead of what is here as what would be best for all, and so best for me in/as this actual, real physical world.
In this, i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to also see, realise and understand that how i changed the experience/state/condition of the Physical Body and thus determine the experience of the physical body and so of me is not real, because: before i went into and as the personality possession of postponement, i was simply here, stable, breathing. It's most certainly not the physical body placing itself into and as anxiety/boredom/apathy and then into and as enthusiasm, deliberately manipulating/abusing itself into various physical experiences/conditions/states - as i can self-honestly trace how in that moment changed the internal conditions/states of the physical body through and as energy and the dimensions of the postponement personality from/of the negative into and as the positive. And so, it was me within and as my conscious-participation in the dimensions of the personality/character and the energy within them - that altered/changed the physical into a negative/positive experience that's determined by energy and not in fact the real/true expression of/as the stability of the physical body as breath, here.
In this, i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand what is in fact happening on a quantum mind level within the physical body is the following-
with me existing in my mind within the physical throughout my lifetime on this earth, i conditioned my physical-body response in relation to the energy of the mind, as follows:
For the quantum mind in the physical - negative energy is the 'lesser source' of energy, so, when/as one participate in negative energy, the quantum physical will respond in/as a reaction of tightening, stiffening, clenching, constriction, restriction as essentially a physical - mind 'feedback' of the nature of the energy not being sufficient enough for the quantum mind to channel into and as the rest of the mind consciousness system. and this is where the force/consciousness comes into play that will deliberately initiate the movement and motion of the negative-energy from quantum mind in the physical - thus, the quantum mind essentially initiating its force of producing more energy from/of the physical body. And so, with there existing more energy, the rest of the mind consciousness system from the unconscious to the subconscious and to the conscious mind as one's personality will thus interpret the 'more energy-production' from the quantum mind in the physical as a 'positive' and will so activate/initiate the positive-energy experienced thoughts, imagination, backchat and reactions. thus, when/as one have moved from the negative to the positive in the mind/within a personality - there has been processes taking place on a quantum physical and quantum mind level to which ones mind consciousness system as the unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind responded, and so initiated ones relationship/experience as the 'positive'.
Within this entire process, as the quantum mind produce more energy, releasing energy into the rest of the mind in the physical: this 'makes the body feel better' but, what is actually 'feeling better' is the quantum mind and mind consciousness system in the physical because in the negative - the systems rooted in the physical body thus clenched/constrained/constricted the very fabric/tissue/substance of the physical within its process of penetrating the physical more and more and more to get into the depths of the physical to produce more energy. And then when/as the positive energy manifest as an accumulation of the negative when/as the quantum mind in the physical successfully penetrated the physical depths and started producing more energy, the systems release the intensity of its relationship to the physical as they are being provided with the necessary energies.And so in turn create the idea that the body feels better and self feels better, when it's all the while the mind as energy getting its desired energy fix at the sacrifice of the physical. and within the positive-energy experience that the quantum mind initiated from the physical and spread into and as the rest of the mind consciousness system and so one's personality. The quantum mind extend deeper/farther into the physical body and so resource more energy through sacrificing more of the physical.
In this, i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand why/how it is that in and from creating/manifesting the negative physical internal change, with the 'negative experience' in/as my physical body actually being that the quantum mind/mind consciousness system is in the process of generating more energy through penetrating the depths of the physical body and so manifesting discomfort, pain and dis-ease in the very physical. And that when/as the quantum mind in the physical start producing more and more and more energies and release it into and as the rest of the mind in the physical, it release its intensity in its relationship to the physical, which creates the illusion in my mind that i am feeling better/my body is feeling better - when this entire process has in fact me been experiencing my mind as energy's relationship to the body and how the physical has come to respond to the processes of the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship to my physical body that respond according to energy and essentially enslaved into submission with regards to the mind's relationship to the body, the mind that i am accepting and allowing to continue existing within and as my very accepted and allowed definition and participation in and as it as personalities, its dimensions and the energies within and as that. That can really only in fact exist through producing it, parasitically, from the very physical body that is the manifestation that in fact give me life through/as breath. and so, i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to live with the breath as the physical as the here of life, but instead sacrifice the physical throughout my life for the illusion of life/living as experience as energy.
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Continued in the next post
