'Postponement' Character Part 3
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand or even comprehend the fact that i am altering, changing and manipulating my physical body and its stability/naturalness through and as energy of thought, backchat, imaginations, reactions etc.in the physical
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to for so long believe this to be normal in how i manipulate, , change and alter the 'experience' of me in and as the physical body and how my relationship to the physical body is based on an experience i create in an alternate reality within /as my mind from thought, imagination, backchat, reactions that define who i am as an experience in the physical never seeing what i am doing with my physical body with manipulating the experience within self-interest never questioning what the physical is going through as i am too preoccupied with the energies of a character i am possessed within
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical body that i am more preoccupied with thoughts, backchats, imagination and reaction within anxiety, apathy and boredom that while it is going on i can feel to a relative extent that my eyes are heavy, my neck and face is turning left - my eyes gazing blankly to the pebbles outside the window - the front ball of the feet pressing against the floor and the back of the feet turned up away from the floor - my arms on the table, and face facing the table with my hands holding both sides of my head - and use this as manipulation tactic , excuse/ justification to follow the 'positive or create the positive' in my mind - that i do not stop in that moment - never questioning why my body is physically changing - 'i am stable a moment ago' , 'what is really happening here?' What am i accepting and allowing here?' - but no i did not investigate - i just created a relationship in my mind - manipulate my experience in the physical/body and use my creation in the physical as excuse, justification and reason to manipulate myself into getting my want, need and desire as postponement of my responsibility to me and the physical and my life in this world for a positive energy experience
More to follow...