Tao of Food Preparation Recipes

Tao of Food Preparation Recipes
'Living' E-book

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Embracing Sadness: Fear of Being Sad Part 2 Day 189 Vegetarianism, The Philippines and My Grandmother




 
This is a continuation of this Blog

Fear of Sadness Part 2

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no shelter or home to shield my body from the heat of the sun - where i fear being under the intense heat of the sun - my skin burning - with no clothes to wear

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the intense heat of the sun burning my skin'

- where i fear the feeling of my skin burning from the intense heat of the sun

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the feeling of my skin burning from the intense heat of the sun

- where i connected pain to suffering, discomfort and agony



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the fear of feeling the pain of my skin burning from the intense heat of the sun - because it's like my skin tearing apart and then creating a sore that i will put medicine on and will sting

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my skin tearing apart

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the sun - where within that fear having skin sores i am blaming the sun - so existing within blame.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having skin sores

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite nature as the physical as i blamed the sun for my fear of having skin sores

- and connecting this to an experience within a  memory of when my grandmother putting merthiolate (colored orange) on my  skin when i was pierced by the needle of the sewing machine when i was trying to operate without her permission

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'fear of unpleasant sensations' character -where i fear physical sensations of pain and form a relationship with physical sensations, not realising that physical sensations are just physical sensations, i do not have to judge them as good or bad or have aversion for them.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting medicine  on my skin or any part of my body

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear merthiolate

-where after she found out about me operating her sewing machine without her permission -

These were my thoughts:


 'she is not around so i can sneak in and operate her sewing machine and see how this operates'

'i can hide the fact that i operated her sewing machine without her permission'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide the fact that i operated my grandmother's sewing machine when i agreed not to - using words within my mind to hide and be self-dishonest in separation of me equal to the words.

- where i enjoy the risk of doing something that she said is dangerous for me to do

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the ''risk is happiness' character

- where my backchat was:

 'i just want to try it, see what will happen, why is she stopping me to do this? I have the right to do whatever i please'

'i will do as i please'

'she put this medicine on the cut on my skin which hurts - she wants to hurt me'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear medicine

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doctors

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear nurses

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear hospitals



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within my fear of pain and suffering - spite the physical, as in the hospital building etc.

- where i fear going to the hospital - so tried to become healthy by becoming cooked vegetarian, and later be cooked raw vegan, then became raw vegetarian, then became raw vegan and then tried not eating for 3 and 1/2 days - trying out the 'breatharian diet'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing myself like the poor kids in the philippines without sandals to go to school, noses full of snout, their faces looking apathetic - in the midst of pain, discomfort and suffering









I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being so poor and out of job and end up living in a cart -with cardboard boxes shielingd them from the rain and the sun - not having a blanket to cover themselves at night

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think that there is no way they will have a better future

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear me being in their shoes, doomed to be this poor

I forgive myself that i  have accepted and allowed myself to be 'unaware' of who i am as the breath in every moment - where i create an alternate reality within my mind where i fear and then desire happiness as i fear the dark side of me and desire only the light - not seeing and realizing that within my desiring the positive and the light to make me happy in my 'within' as my mind i am creating a world of darkness and negativity in my 'without' as this current world system based on inequality and self-interest
===
Commitment to Correction
To Birth me as LIFE

I commit myself to instead of fearing being hospitalized and fearing nurses, doctors, and hospitals, and then desiring to try every diet that seems working for others, assist myself to see the the body and food as equal to my expression and assist myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, find out how i separated from the body and nature and food and correct myself within that, redefining words and using them as equal to my expression

I commit myself to assist myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self corrective application to instead of hiding and blaming others for my suffering, i will redefine the words which i gave a negative value to - which i react to, stop reliving memories of me being hurt by my grandmother's sewing machine seeing that it is the past that i am relieving at this moment - which is me time travelling withinmy mind-  and just take self-responsibility for operating machineries like sewing machines, driving a car and learning how to operate them so i can stop myself from hurting my body and wrecking the machine. 

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, i assist myself to instead of fearing i start looking at what stops me from looking at my world, forgiving and correcting myself in my living -  to birth me here as life and birth life in this world - as standing for what is best for all on  EAR-th.

I commit myself to release the memories as pictures, as desires etc. within and as myself and let go of the separation within and as myself and stand with the physical in breath by breath, moment by moment.

I commit myself to instead of fearing pain and suffering and connecting/defining those words within/to other words such as hospitals,  nurses and doctors, to redefine these words and forgive myself for defining and connecting these words within/to other words and instead of using them as separate from me as i charge these words with a positive or negative value, i release the energy charge i give it and use it as equal to my expression.

I commit myself to rather than fear not having a roof over my head i assist in establishing a world that truly honors life based on equality - where everyone will get the basic necessities to survive - as all would get a roof over their head - and live in dignity



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