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This is a Continuation of these Blogs:
1
I Don't Care character : Fear Dimension
2
Thought and Backchat Dimension
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I am looking at the 'Fear that when i truly care i will have to take responsibility to/as all parts of me as life' , in this blog, where because of this fear, i choose to 'not care' - using self-forgiveness and commitment to correction to recreate me as someone who can be trusted to always stand for what is best for all - as someone who in fact cares to birth me here - as all Life.
Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not care about whether i have money or not
- and have internal conversations/backchats such as:
'I really don't care about money'
'It's so stressful to run after money'
'I like to be Jesus look at him he lived without money'
'The guru - Anandamurti - also did not touch money, so i will live like him'
'The monks do not have money too, and they lived like that, they survived'
- where i used words within and as my mind separate from me within my internal conversations as the different characters that i define myself within - and formed a relationship with money within my mind - forming a picture, a memory of when i first i saw the poor in my country - and looked at how they suffered - so created a relationship with fear - of suffering, pain and poverty- and essentially fear of not existing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain, suffering and poverty- which is essentially fear of not existing - and instead of facing the fear - i evolved the 'negative' more - as the evil me hiding this within my mind - where no one can see where i can hide the evil me that is giving up on me - not facing my fears - rather, went to the opposite polarity - desiring to be rich and because of the difficulty involved in getting money and becoming rich - which is studying and then building a business and then then making everyone know about it selling the product, organizing a schedule and not being able to go to picnics and just take it easy - i gave up and not care about money - and through this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jesus, the gurus and the monks are special believing that they can survive without money - and through this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be like Jesus, the gurus and the monks
- where i have separated myself from Jesus, the monks and money itself - and formed a relationship with them within my mind - in an alternate reality where i am an alternate version of me - and through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge money as special - believing that because it is difficult to get - it is special - through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe money is special because it is difficult to get - and so gave up on money - and then suppress my desire/need for money to survive in this world system of inequality - not seeing and realising that the body of Jesus, the body of the monks, and the metal (as in coins) or paper (as in paper money) money is made of - is a manifestation in this world - and is made from the same substance all are made of - equal to all that is here.
Commitment To Correction
To Birth me here As Life
Equal To all That Is Here
I commit myself to when and as i see myself fearing pain, suffering and poverty - and essentially fearing not existing - evolving this 'negative' to desiring and then not caring about money and then suppressing my desire/need to survive in this world of inequality - i stop - and breathe and realise how i evolved this point - so to assist myself to see that i have given money value equal to who i have become as the mind - and to redefine money and use it as equal to my expression - and assist in establishing a world that truly honors life based on equality where all will have the basic necessities all need to survive in dignity - and give it value equal to life
I commit myself to delete the memories, as pictures, as fears, desires, suppressions etc. - within and as myself and let go of the separation within and as myself and stand with what is real/physical - assist myself to accept and allow me to see the commonsense, simplicity and practicality of living life as what it is - equal to all that is here - as i am made from the same substance all are made of - living life and birthing me here as who i really am - as the breath - moving breath by breath, moment by moment.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself desiring to live like Jesus, the guru and the monks - i stop - i breathe - to instead of fearing pain suffering and poverty - then desiring to live without money like Jesus, the guru and the monks - assist myself to see that the problem is not the money but the system which i supported - within my acceptance and allowance in my 'within' as the mind and then creating a mirror of that in my 'without' - fearing, desiring, suppressing - and then creating the very things i fear, desire and suppress - not seeing, realising and understanding that i am the creator and the created - creating this system where people have the same fears and desires etc. as me - so stopping starts from me.
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