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Saturday, October 20, 2012

Embracing Sadness : Fear of Sadness: Desire for Happiness SF Day 188





 
This is a continuation of this Blog
I have blogged in my previous blogs about the 'Happiness' character,  as who i have become within my desire to be 'happy' as, that was what drive me to do/have :

'Happiness' from Eating Noodles:
 http://foodandnutritionjunejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/food-and-nutrition-noodles-philippine.html
'Happiness' from Yoga and Meditation
 http://juneroca.com/my-process/tantrik-yogi-character/
'Happiness' from Prayer
http://juneroca.com/my-process/jesus-mary-and-prayer/

'Happiness' from doing Zen Meditation
 http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-breath-21-days-breathing-sf-zen.html
Happiness from going to Philippine Picnics
 http://juneroca.com/2012/10/20/picnics-as-happiness/
'Happiness' from Relationships and Sex
 http://juneroca.com/my-process/sex-and-relationships/


So, in this blog, i will look at and write self-forgiveness statements for the opposite polarity of that, which is  really what is driving me to desire 'happiness', my fear of sadness, fear of pain, fear of suffering, fear of death and essentially, fear of 'not existing' and the origin of my 'desire for happiness being my fear of sadness'

For context about self-forgiveness, go to this link, http://juneroca.com/my-process/self-forgiveness/

Self-forgiveness


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to create a relationship with fear of sadness defining myself within the 'fear of being sad

 - where what made me sad is seeing the poor in the Philippines


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being poor


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money to buy something to eat

- where i have taken this experience within a memory, of when i was a child seeing some poor people in the Philippines not having food to eat - not having money to buy food to eat- where i saw them in a condition i will not want myself to be, as i travel with my mom around town asking for people to vote for her as a candidate for counsellor in the town where we live, i saw:

a family, in a small hut with floors made of sand 4 square meters big, doing nothing, wearing dirty clothes staring at me with apathy, silent, not uttering a single word, resolved to being that poor for the rest of their lives - where when i looked at their stove which wass made of clay with 3 stones mounted on top, and an empty pot with no electrc power nor water source - i wonder how they live, or how i could help, but i was a child
so i could not even help myself - where the only thing i believed i could do is pity them, and so i did.So, i commit myself to when and as  i see myself feeling sorry for the poor and giving them pity, i stop, i breathe. I bring myself back here and realise this current monetary system is being supported by me, the same monetary system that supports poverty, so i commit myself to assist in establishing a world that truly honors life based on equality where all gets the basic necessities they need to survive.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to - within my fear of sadness suppress my anger of  being in a world that does not honor the equality of life - and to rather than suppress my anger, i commit myself to when and as i see myself suppress my anger, i stop - i breath and change my starting point and assist myself to instead of standing in a platform of me being separate from all life, where i judge, compete, fear, desire, suppress etc. to be 'happy'. I commit myself to instead, assist myself to stand in a stable platform of equality, where i can embrace and equalize with/as who i really am as everything that is here, sadness, happiness, anger, fear, suppression, redefine these words, and use them as equal to my expression and assist in establishing a world that truly honors life based on equality
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