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Saturday, May 10, 2014

Self-forgiveness for Mental Health: Heart Pains



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Heart Pains: Angina


The Mind Pattern:

>I had heart pains when i was in high school
>I attended a dinner and someone talked about vegetables being healthier than meat
>I believed eating meat will give me disease
>I blamed meat for causing my heart pains (angina)
>I decided to be vegetarian

What Is The Fear?

Fear of Heart pains




What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath. 


Forgiving Myself In Writing:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  fear having  heart pains (angina),

believing that if i continue to have difficulty breathing, i will die and so  having believed meat will give me heart pains, specifically angina - it will give me more disease and eventually death,

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an inflated definition of heart pains/angina rather than a realistic assessment of what is happening in my body, what is the physical and psychological cause of it and providing a practical solution.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge meat as bad for my health then act out this judgment by resisting eating meat where within this is me  blaming animal meat based on other's definition of the word meat and judging a part of the whole - that is life , which i am also a  part of - the animals, as less than life and vegetables as more than life, using fuzzy logic in saying i care for animals where i am at the same time judging animal meat as less than life - without even looking at how much meat i eat as i do not even have a log of how much of it i eat, and how often i eat it, where instead of logging this and instead of physically being aware of what meat is in physical reality, the nutrition that it contains, my relationship with pork and my relationship with my body, I resort to going into my mind - an alternate reality where I have given a mind value to animal meat as less than life and vegetable meat as more than life, instead of giving both a value equal to life, as both are birthed here therefore equals, in physical reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to have heart pains is not healthy where within that is me judging diseases as bacteria, viruses, the body (the physical functioning  of it) etc. as inferior where i project my own inferiority to them rather than forgive and correct myself. I do realize and understand that we use bacteria in making cheeses and yoghurts and the body is helping us in expressing ourselves here (as the breath) so judging them as inferior is not best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the body by manifesting my desire to adopt the vegetarian diet to run away from my fear of disease and fear of death and instead run after health believing that i can transcend the fear of disease and death through 'healthy eating' which I equated to a vegetarian diet, instead of seeing and realizing that I will eventually face my fears - which I did when i was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in the middle of my healthy eating craze. I realize now that running away from my fear is missing the gift life is giving me where as i investigate the origin of it, i am seeing more and more of myself - as different parts of me that i try to run away from is embraced and the fears forgiven and corrected, bringing me back to who i am here as that breath. 
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Commitment to Correcting Myself:


From: Trying to heal Angina through being vegetarian and resisting to eat meat which is manipulating the body.
To: Looking at where the Fear started, forgiving and correcting myself by embracing that part of me I tried to run away from.

I commit myself to when i see myself inflating heart pains such as angina by attaching it to my fear of disease and death i stop - i breathe and instead of interpreting heart pains within my mind and fearing disease and death, and relying on my beliefs that i gathered from others, and using words defined by others, I align its definition to my expression, research about it, release the fear of disease and death through self-forgiveness and correct myself.

I commit myself to forgiving myself and then testing food items that i dislike  to eat, like meat, to then test it again  to see how the body reacts to the food items after i release the fear etc. i have within me, and do the necessary correction. 

I commit myself to taking food that gives nourishment to the body, then cross-referencing with the body using a personal record log - and log my blood glucose levels, weight, blood pressure, and/investigate  levels of nutrition in the blood, food and blood type etc., looking at my relationship with food and developing an equal and one relationship with the body

From the Word Web

Angina


A heart condition marked by paroxysms (A sudden uncontrollable attack) of chest pain due to reduced oxygen to the heart.



I commit myself to expand the word disease and death - and redefine them as equal to my story of how i changed and live the practical correction for this.

I commit myself to blog about the bacteria and virus - and research about how they have helped us in this world and how we have abused them - to forgive and correct myself and develop an equal and one relationship with the bacteria and the virus.

I commit myself to be clear within myself before i speak and write the words disease, death, bacteria and virus


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