2012 Family Blog: Mother's Journey of Birthing A Child Self-forgiveness Part 4 Day 17

When i got married and gave birth to a child, i did not really understand what it entails to be a mother - nor did i question who i am within that. I am using self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to direct the points that i saw where my starting point was based on self-interest - rather than what is best for all. 

In this blog, i will direct these points using self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so i can stop these patterns - to stand for what is best for all life.

Self-forgiveness  for/as All Mothers:

I  forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bring into this world another being -  who i downloaded my genes to - as identify as the ego-personality  - and in the process - mold this child as my copy - and within that, enslave my child with/as my mind - as i participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions - instead of birthing me here as life by stopping the mind through self-forgiveness and self-correction and standing for what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that a child is not here to entertain the mother and give her love when she feels unloved - but is here to be  supported as one and equal as the mother - to birth oneself as life - standing for what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that giving birth to a child is a responsibility that is one and equal as self-responsibility - and as i birth me here as life - i assist the child as me to birth herself here as life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "loving a child in my heart" - is enough - not realizing that within that statement i am abdicating my responsibility to/as the physical - as i created that love in my mind - which is not real - and turned my back to what is here as the physical.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the family is the parents kingdom - where mothers and fathers reign - as kings and queens - and having children mean that mothers and fathers will have a ready "following" - as their kids will be there to make them feel they are always needed and loved and cared for - not realizing that this is how we enslave our kids - to behave as the ego-personality we have become - needy adults dependent on mind energetics - intead of birthing oneself here as life - and assisting the children to birth themselves as life standing for what is best for all.

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I commit to when and as i see myself wanting to bring a child into this word - i stop - i breathe - and realise that wanting to birth a child into a world that does not support all life equally is - supporting this current system of inequality within abuse - so, within this i commit to assist in establishing a new system based on equality. 

I commit myself to when and as i see myself wanting love in return from my kids - i stop and breathe - and correct my starting point from/as  the personality defined by giving to receive love - to a starting point of standing for what is best for all life - where limited love is redefined to Love as Life.

2012 Self-forgiveness as a Daughter Part 3 - Day 16

Self-forgiveness as a Daughter
(As AJ)
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from JR
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word JR to the word mother
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word JR to the word leave
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word JR to the word cooking
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word JR to the word money
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge JR as less than me because of the belief that she is a bad mother - and me more than her because i am a good mother.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that JR have to take care of me from when i come out of the womb to when i get married
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when i believe that JR is making me wrong.
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(As JR)
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from AR
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word AR to the word mother
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word AR to the word leave
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word AR to the word cooking
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word AR to the word money
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when AR makes me wrong
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge AR as less than me because she loves me, is always there for me and gives me everything i want - and me more than myself because AR loves me, she's always there for me and gives me everything i want
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that AR is more than me because she gave birth to me and i owe her my life - defining myself within birth and death - as i identify as the ego-personality.
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Self-commitment:
I commit myself 'as AJ' to assist myself to -when and as i see myself  separating myself from JR -by going within and as my mind - i stop - i breathe. I realise that i am equal to all that exist as all came from the same substance all are made of - to instead of seeing her as more than or less than myself - acocording to my beliefs, judgments etc. about her - i see her as who she is as equal to who i am - as the substance, as the physical.

I commit myself to assist myself to -when and as i see myself separating myself from AJ -- by going within and as my mind - i stop - i breathe.- and realise that we are made from the same substance all are made of - and see her as who i am equal to/as all

I commit myself 'as AR' to assist myself to when and as i see myself 

2012 Self-forgiveness as a Mother Part 2 Day 15

Self-forgiveness as a Mother
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from AJ
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect AJ to the word daughter
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word AJ to the word pity
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than AJ because i left them to their Dad's care when they were young and so i owe AJ something - and AJ as more than me because she is the one i owe something from
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that leaving them to their dad when i did not have money to support them is bad - and so blame myself for doing that.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i can just desire a person i can be in a relationship with, marry that person and have sex with that person- deciding as the ego-personality within self-interest - where i did not consider the consequence of that decision  within my process of self-perfection,  the kids process - who will be born from that relationship - and how it will affect all life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give love to the kids and expect love in return - in self-interest - not realizing that real love is life one and equal as all.
I forgive myself to blame myself for not being there when my kids were growing up - and instead - leave them in the care of their dad and grandparents - abdicating self-responsibility - within self-interest
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to love my kids - in self-interest - where i give them food for them to love me - as i identify as the ego-personality - in self-interest.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to birth a child into a world that is supporting inequality - as i identify as the ego-personality - enslaved by desire, attraction and sex.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my quest for self-realization as a justification for not taking self-responsibility to earn enough money to support my kids - instead, let their dad take self-responsibility in my behalf.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to leave my kids to their dad - without letting them know - and justify that by saying " better to just go away silently - telling them what i am going through and why i am leaving them to their dad - will be too painful for them to take, and they will not understand that" - when it was a way for me to abdicate my responsibility as a mother.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving birth to kids in this world will give me fulfillment as a woman- in self-interest, without understanding who i have become and who my potential partner has become - as i identify as the ego-personality - and subject them to a life based on mind energy dependency - and teach them how to be exactly like me - and as i fall - they fall - within not taking self-responsibility as all.

Self-commitment:
I commit myself to when i am manipulating myself to abdicate responsibility for/as the physical - i stop and breathe and direct myself to change my starting point from an ego-personality starting point to a starting point that is what is best for all life.

2012 Redefining the Word Daughter Part 1B Day 14

Daughter

I have exchanged messages with my daughter recently - so in this blog i will redefine the word daughter.

I will use self-forgiveness for - perceiving myself separate from the word - and connecting it to other words - based on my beliefs, judgments etc. - where i formed labels through which i am directed by the word- rather than me being one and equal as the word.  

I will redefine the word from an ego-personality starting point to a starting point that is best for all.

Wikipedia defines the word daughter as :

A daughter is a female offspring; a girl, woman, or female animal in relation to her parents. 

This is an ego-personality definition - which limits our expression. 

The word daughter redefined:Daughter - (do- unto- another) a female offspring that has has been downloaded the genes of the parents - so does what the parents does - and through the process of self-perfection births oneself here as life - standing for what is best for all life.

Self-forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word daughter

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word mother

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word father

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word AJ

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word separate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word love

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word hate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word AS

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word JR

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word death

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word anger

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word abandonment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to  the word happiness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word sadness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the words taking care

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word family

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word SS

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word son

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word smile

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word frown

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word fun

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word cooking

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word memories

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word Philippines

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word experience

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word Buenavista

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word Marinduque

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word agreement

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word disagreement

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word AR

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word JR

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word SSJ

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word marriage

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word lola

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word lolo

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word grandson

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word daughter to the word reaction

2012 Redefining The Word Mother Part 1A Day 13

MOTHER

Yesterday i received a message from my daughter who is a mother herself.. This message talked about being a mother. This blog is about the word mother. 

Wikipedia defines a mother as:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother

A mother (or mum/mom) is a woman who has raised a child, given birth to a child, and/or supplied the ovum that united with a sperm which grew into a child.^[1][2][3][4] Because of the complexity and differences of a mother's social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to specify a universally acceptable definition for the term. The male equivalent is a father.

This is a definition that limits our view of ourselves. This is the ego-personality definition of a mother.

The word mother takes the meaning we give it. I will redefine it from the starting point of what is best for all life.

Redefining the word mother:

Mother - (Me as another) - one who has given birth to a child - perceiving oneself as separate from the child - and  through ones process of stopping the mind - is birthing self as life - sees the child as oneself - and assist the child as self to birth self  as life - using self-forgiveness and self-correction - and assist in establishing a world that truly honors life - to make sure all children born into this world is given equal access to the basic necessities it needs to survive - live in a world where there's equal power - so no one takes advantage of another - and equal rights - so all can live in dignity.

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I am doing self-forgiveness for separating myself to the word mother - and connecting other words to it - as i identify as the personality - defined by limitation - within my beliefs, judgments and ideas of what a mother is - which makes me see the word as more than or less than what it is. When i do this, i am not here. The personality is here. I am trapped as the personality connecting the word  to other words - based on my beliefs, judgments etc. where these mind components distort my definitions of words - and turns them into labels through which i can be controlled and which labels control me. 

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Self-forgiveness for Separation and connecting the word mother to other words - where i see it as more than or less than what it really is:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word mother.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word father

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word daughter

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word son

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word family

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word money

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the phrase "being there no matter what".

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word comfort

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word selfless

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word children

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word absence

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word abuse

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word enslavement

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word love

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word abandonment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the phrase "not there when i need her"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word hate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word noisy

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word self-interest

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word away

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word aloof

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word communication

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word death

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word pain

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word give

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word receive

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word leave

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word AR

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to the word AJ

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word mother to June Roca

2012 Tag Heur Watch, Gucci Bag: My Daughter and Me: Part 1"I Like Designer Stuff": Day 12

Today, my daughter sent me a message in Fb. She's looking at Tag Huer watches.  I had a thought when i was looking at her email. "Why do we need to buy a watch that is expensive - when we can look up the time in our cell phones or buy a $5 watch"? 

 It brought out a memory - that i want to direct in this blog.

I had a similar point when i was younger, when i was about 23 yrs old. I liked designer stuff. I had a Gucci bag that i was proud of at that time - because it gives me value - because the Gucci bag costs $100. Obviously, i saw myself with lesser value and judged the Gucci bag as more than me - and me less than myself. I saw that when i walk around with that Gucci bag, people was going to assign me a value - that is equal to the value of that bag. That was me - limiting myself - giving me value equal to $100. 

  I am directing this point here by doing self-forgiveness for/as all - having this point - as i am part of all life:

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the Gucci bag as more than me and me less than myself - as i see designer items as more than myself because they are expensive - and normal bags worth less than $25 as less than me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like the attention others give me when i wear designer items, like bags and watches.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise the truth - that there is inequality in this world - where there are people buying designer items and there are people who do not have food to eat - where equality is being pushed aside in favor of self-interest and mind pleasure.

Self Commitment:

I commit to assisting in the establishment of equal money for all - where everyone is given equal access to flushing toilets, a house, clothing, food, transportation etc. - equal power, so no one takes advantage of each other and equal rights.

2012: Separating Myself From My Client, DCB : Connecting His Name with Other Words SF Part 2 Day 11

In this Blog . I will do self-forgiveness for the letters/word CB as his name - my raw food client - which are words i separated myself from - and connecting it to other words - which makes me see the word CB as more than or less than what it is. 

I am equal to all that exist - as all are made from the same substance all are made of.

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Self-forgiveness for Connecting His Name to Other words:

Positive Connections/Definitions

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the words raw food

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word sales

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word money

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word employer

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word work

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word compliment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word tasty

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the words Chef June

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word nice

Negative Connections/Definitions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word stingy

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word elite

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word DCB to the word advertising

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Self-forgiveness for Judging him as More than Me:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge CB as more than myself because of the belief that he has more money than me and  me less than myself  - because of the belief that i have less money than him.

Self-correction Script:

When and as i see myself judging CB as more than me and me less than myself because i believed he has more money than me and me having less money than him - i stop - i breathe. I realise that this is me as the ego-personality - defined by my beliefs about money. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me - because i will give life to the personality - within self- sabotage. This is not what is best for all - because i will be supporting personality systems in this world - that is based from judgments and beliefs.

2012: Raw Food: Separating Myself From Words - Of Food Items I Use In Food Preparation: Part 1 Day 11

When i was preparing the raw food - i saw me separating myself from the words i use to identify  the vegetables, nuts, fruits and other food items i am preparing. I am not here - the ego-personality is here.. 

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I will do self-forgiveness for separating myself from each of the words i use to label the food item - and direct this point of separation here. I will do this for/as everyone separating themselves/ourselves from/as these words.

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Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words roma tomatoes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words kelp noodles

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words heirloom tomatoes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word cashews

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words cherry tomatoes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words wakame seaweed

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words pine nuts

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words olive oil

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word lemon

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word lime

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word garlic

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words red bell pepper

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words yellow bell pepper

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words orange bell pepper

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word chipotle

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words fine sea salt

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words white pepper

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word almond

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words agave nectar

2012: Raw Food: Perceiving Myself Separate From My Client DCB Part 1 Day 10

When i was about to deliver the raw food to my client, DCB, i was in a hurry. When i looked at what i was doing i realised - I saw myself separate from him. 

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In this blog, i will direct this point using self-forgiveness and i will write a self-correction script - and then apply myself accordingly.

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Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself separate from DCB through giving the word a positive value

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word DCB through giving the word a negative value

Self-correction Script:

When and as i see myself separating myself from DCB through giving the word a positive or a negative value - i stop - i breathe. I realise that I see DCB separate from me because i see him as a person who i work for instead of realizing we are equally birthed here in this word and our body is made of dust, water and clay - so essentially we are equal. This is not what is best for me because i will sabotage my process of self-perfection - within oneness and equality as all life. This is not what is best for all because i will support personality systems in this world based on separation if i continue to do this - creating the very systems i am here to stop - the systems of inequality. 

2012 Raw Food: I Don't Want Compliments: Day 9

I was talking to CB, a client - when he complimented my raw food preparation. After the call, i sensed a reaction when i said to my partner, "I don't want compliments".


I said what i said - because i was guilty. I forgot to bring some stuff for the dish - like the raw bread  - so i was feeling guilty - and judged myself as less than myself - so want to be right by - having aversion for compliments -within self- manipulation - when i can do self-forgiveness and correct myself - without having to manipulate myself by speaking my aversion for compliments - where words are being used - separate from who i really am. I will direct this in this blog using self-forgiveness and self correction.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty that i forgot to bring the bread and 2 more condiments that compliments the dish i brought - defining myself within right and wrong - and within that judge myself as less than myself - which i believed can be corrected by having aversion for compliments - within self-manipulation - as i use words separate from who i really am - as i identify as the ego-personality.

Self-correction Script:
When and as i see myself feeling guilty when i forgot something - defining myself within right and wrong -and within that have aversion for compliments - i stop - i breathe. I realise that the reason why i feel guilty is because i judged myself as less than myself when i forgot to bring the bread etc.- and so - want to be right - which i believed can happen if i have aversion for compliments - within self-manipulation - as i use words separate from who i really am. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all - because i am supporting personality systems in this world that is based on guilt, judgment, self-manipulation and abuse of words.
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Part of My Self-Corrective Application:

I communicated with CB that i plan to bring the bread the next day and asked him if it is okay - he said that's fine. Since he is not always home, we agreed to just drop it outside the door, then text him to let him know. The next day i brought the raw bread - he did not have a problem with that.

The guilt was created in my mind.

2012: I Like LA to I Like Dallas: Polarity Day 8

Los Angeles

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Dallas

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We had a short vacation in Los Angeles. When we arrived in Dallas, i said, "Finally, we are now in Dallas". That was not what i said the first time i came to Dallas. It was the opposite. I considered LA as my home - with lots of events to attend - so i like LA.

I would like to direct my judgment of places i go to, or visit - as i identify as the ego - using self-forgiveness and self correction.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge Los Angeles as more than myself- because it has lots of events i can attend.and Dallas as less than myself - because it has less events i can attend.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge Dallas as more than myself - because it is layback - and LA as less than myself - because it is always busy.

Self-correction Script:
When and as i see myself participating in judgments where i see LA as more than myself and Dallas as less than myself - because it has less events i can attend.- i stop - i breathe. I realise this gives me a feeling that i, as the ego-personality is real because i have a say at which place i like and which place i do not like. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all.

When and as i see myself participating in judgment where i see Dallas as more than myself  - because it is layback, and LA as less than myself -because it is always busy - i stop - i breathe.I realise this gives me a feeling that i, as the ego - personality is real because i have a say at which place i like and which place i do not like. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all.

2012: Seeing NR, A Family Member, in LA - Day 7

I did not talk to NR for about 4 yrs - because of something that she did - that i saw was wrong. When we came to LA - i talked to her and she was asking me assistance on how to do self-forgiveness.

I would like to direct the point of believing she did something wrong - using self-forgiveness and self-correction.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge that what  NR did was wrong - seeing her as less than me and me more than her- believing that actions are right when they benefit me and my relationships - in self-interest - and they are wrong when it does not benefit me and my relationships -rather than deciding from the basis of what is best for all.

Self-correction Script:

When and as I see myself believing that what NR did is wrong, - i stop - i breathe. I realise that believing that actions are right when they benefit me and my relationships - in self-interest - and they are wrong when it does not benefit me and my relationships - are created in my mind - as i identify as the ego-personality. I realise that judging what she did was wrong - - seeing her as less than me and me more than her- gives me a feeling that i was right as the ego-personality defined by right and wrong - rather than what is best for all. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all.

2012: Raw Food, Communication and Backchat Day 6

The next day when we arrived in Los Angeles, i saw the bag where we put the raw food while we were inside the airplane -on the table, so i asked LP, "Did you put the rawfood inside the refrigerator"? He moved his head left and right and said "that's why i did not put it inside the refrigerator". So, i asked him again the same question. He repeated the same answer. I asked him the same question the third time and then he said : i told you already,"no". So, i pointed out that he did not say "no".

While correcting him, i saw my hand gestures and how i used these to emphasize the points i was talking to him about, and i saw that what i was really saying is this, "if this is not raw, this will be spoiled by now". When i told him this, he said he had a thought while talking to me, "that can't be spoiled because that's rawfood."
These are backchats. In this blog i am directing this  point of correcting LP while i myself participate in backchats -which are conversations inside our mind - and using hand gestures to express judgment. I am using self-forgiveness and self-correction.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to use my hand gestures to express judgment to LP as i see myself less than me because he did not put the rawfoods inside the refrigerator - and me more than him.
When and as i see myself using my hands to express judgment - and see LP as less than me because he did not put the raw foods inside the refrigerator - i stop - i breathe. I realise that i can see his points but i am oblivious to mine. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all - because i will be supporting personality systems in this world based on using hands/body movements to express judgment.

2012: My Dad Meeting LP for the First Time Day 5

Today is our first full day in Los Angeles. We arrived  last night. So, we did not have time to visit my family members. Today, my sister called, inviting us to her place  Incidentally, my dad was also at her place. This is the first time my dad will see LP. When i was going to introduce LP to my dad, i was relaxed but there's a change in my breathing  when we went to my sister's place - to meet him. I greeted him and then introduced LP. The first question he asked was, what is his relation to you? I stopped for a moment and my answer was, "he's my boy friend". There was silence from his side, a hesitation. Then LP shook his hand.

I would like to direct the point of fear  - and expressing this fear - where i changed my breathing when we were about to go and meet him. This is  fear of LP not being accepted. I will use self-forgiveness and self-correction to direct this point.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear LP not being accepted by my dad - and express this fear by changing my breathing pattern - as i judge my dad as more than who i am and me as less than who i am.

Self-correction:

When and as i see myself participating in fear that LP will not be accepted by my dad and expressing this by changing my breathing - i stop - i breathe. i realize that this gives me as feeling of the fear being real and me being less than who i am and my dad as being more than who i am - as he is my father - as someone who has authority to accept or not accept people i accept in my life - not realizing that real relationships are thos formed with/as people standing for what is best for all life. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all - because i am supporting personality systems in this world based on fear, expression of fear through altering or changing breathing patterns and  judgments.

2012 Flirting: Getting to Know: “I like what you like” Personality: Part 2 Day 4

"I Like What You Like" 

Part 1

In Part 1 i directed the point of using clothes to impress a guy that i met for the first time. In this blog i will direct the point of getting to know someone because he "likes what i like" and is therefore a potential partner - in the eyes of the personality.

When i met this guy, let's call him RL, i started asking him some questions. First i looked at his body and seeing that he is likeable, i started getting information about him. I found out he also liked vegetarian food and would like to know about it - although he's a meat eater. Was it him just wanting to impress me? Most likely. I was impressed that he wanted to be a vegetarian because i had difficulty finding a vegetarian guy to be in a realationship with. This point made me establish that he is  a potential partner - he passed the food test. So, the second thing i wanted to know was - is he married or is he in a relationship? Because if he is, then, the flirting stops right there. If he isn't - the flirting continues.

I found out he had had a lot of relationships before. That is scary because he can be a cheater. So, i talked to him more about this to find out who cheated and who left who in his past relationships. I got a lot of information - and some are not okay as per my idea of what a good man is - but because of the closeness that was developing - because of  him liking what i like - i decided to go with the flow.

I did not look at who i am within this. I am not here. I am trapped as the personality defined by my likes and dislikes.

I am directing this point by doing self-forgiveness for wanting to form a relationship with a personality - as i identify as the ego-personality - based on my likes and dislikes - which i created in my mind based on a belief that if someone likes what i like i will form a relationship with that person to validate me as the ego-personality - to give me life as a personality - where i give life to an illusion and make that illusion real - within self-manipulation - sabotaging my process of self-perfection.

Self-forgiveness for desire to have a relationship with another personality:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to form a relationship with a personality - as i identify as the ego-personality - based on my likes and dislikes - which i created in my mind based on a belief that if someone likes what i like - i will want to form a relationship with that person to validate me as the ego-personality - to give me life as a personality - where i give life to an illusion and make that illusion real - within self-manipulation - sabotaging my process of self-perfection. This is not what is best for me because i will be sabotaging my process of self-perfection. This is not what is best for all because i will support personality systems within this world based from relationships of likes and dislikes.

Self-corrective Statement:

When and as i see myself wanting to form a relationship with a personality based on my likes and dislikes - i stop - i breathe. I realise that this i created in my mind based on a belief that if someone likes what i like - i will want to form a relationship with that person to validate me as the ego-personality - to give me life as the ego-personality - where i give life to an illusion and make that illusion real - within self-manipulation - sabotaging my process of self-perfection. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness for judging the body based on a belief:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the body and its form as more than or less than myself - within  liking or not liking someone - based on a belief that when the body is 5"5' tall, brown skinned, trimmed, smiles often and clean - that the body is good and when the body has a deformity, less than 5"5' tall, black skinned, tummy bulging, frowns a lot, and is dirty it is bad. This is not what is best for me because existing as the personality - i will  sabotage my process of self-perfection. This is not what is best for all because  i will support the personality systems in this world based on judgments and beliefs.

When and as i see myself judging the body as more than or less than myself based on a belief - i stop - i breathe. I realize that i have  this belief that when the body is 5"5' tall, brown skinned, trimmed, smiles often and clean it is good and when it is less than 5"5' , black skinned, tummy bulging, frowns a lot, and is dirty - it is bad. I realize this is mind created - and this gives me a feeling that i as the personality is real because i have a choice - which is just an illusionary choice - and not real. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all.

The real choice is based from what is best for all life. 

2012: My Great Grandfather: Part 1: Day 4

Great Grandfather

I am directing the relationships i had in this life - from a point  of separation and directing that as who i am here living all parts of me as all life.

 My great grandfather was quiet. I did not see him much. I remembered him sitting on a rocking chair. He was old and a little bit sick. He stayed in the house most of the time. It was my great grandmother that takes care of everything in the household. 

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according tomemories as experiences i had with my great grandfather -a s i identify as the ego-personality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that he is the head of the S family
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the S family  is separate from all life
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge him as more than me because of the belief that without him i will not be born in this world - therefore will not be alive - as i defined life existing in a form - not realizing that am here eternally with or without a form

2012:Raw Food Class and Flirting Part 1: The Use of Clothes To Be Desired By The Other : Day 4

Raw Food Class - Finished Nori Roll

Preparing The Nori Rolls

Last Saturday, after we finished working on all the dishes, while SL and I were eating -she told me that before she came there was a situation at work that involves flirting - which bothered her - so she wanted to let it out. She said she wanted to ask the man this question: 

"What did i do to make you feel so comfortable with me that you think this is okay?"

I take note of what others tell me - because they are a part of me showing me what i had become - so i can direct it using self-forgiveness and self- correction. They are assisting me in my process of self-perfection.

I will bring a memory here - so i can direct it. This is about me flirting with a guy before. 

FLIRTING  as courtship game

When i was at work before, my mom asked a friend of the family to pick me up at work to be with her in a family event. This guy later on became my ex-husband.It all started with flirting - the smile, talking about him,  the clothes, the body movements, the laugh, the slight dilation of the eye, the prolonged gaze etc. 

In part 1 of this blog, i would look at - the clothes i used to impress him. The next blogs after that - i will look at and direct the rest of the flirting game.

When my mom told me on the phone that this guy is picking me up - i had a thought, "this guy can be a potential partner". So, i looked at what i was wearing. I asked myself, "Do i look slim in this clothes? The answer is yes. I then double check some points that i could possibly miss. I also asked myself, "Is my fat tummy visible? Am i wearing clothes that is loose enough that will hide that part of the stomach? Yes. 

I know i was ready to meet this guy.

The point i am directing here is the  use of clothes to be desired by another. 

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a female - as less than myself 

and wanting to be desired by a male - which is me wanting to be more than who i am - and within this, see the male as less than who i am - who i can impulse by the way i dress - using clothes as an expression of me as the mind - as i identify as the ego-personality - with an outcome that is done for what is best for me - which is about me as the personality, defined by my judgments and beliefs in wanting to dress up to impress and hide who i have become - to form a relationship with another personality. This is not what is best for all because when i abuse my expression within the clothes i wear - as to why i wear the clothes i wear - directed by the mind/ego/personality - i support the personality systems within this world which makes the world the way it is  - within the fashion industry and other systems formed and operated based on abuse of clothes - within self-sabotage.

Self-correction:

When and as i see myself using clothes to impress and hide who i have become as the ego-personality - to others- i stop - i breathe. I realise that this gives me life as the personality which is an illusion - by making an illusion real through the use of clothes to impress and hide -clothes, being real, because i can touch it. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all.

My Story

2012 Raw Food: Movement Directed by Fear: Day 4

Today i prepared the salads that SL asked me to make. I made different kinds of salads for her. She requested the Kale Salad in particular - so what i did was make different kinds of dressings for the kale salad. I topped it with marinated vegetables and nuts. She said she will come at 6PM - but at about 6:14 she has not showed up yet. I sent her a text message but she did not respond. I called her but her voice mail was full. I was resting when i saw that myself sitting on the couch and the standing up and sitting down again and standing up again - getting some nuts on the counter to eat. This is me using body movements to express fear. I doubted her. I feared she will not come - believing the salads will be wasted and the money i spent in creating those dishes will be wasted. This happened  in my mind. It was not real.

At about 7:56PM, she called and said she's working up to 8:00 PM. She asked me if it's okay to come at that time. I said i will be at home so i will wait for her. She came at about 9:08PM.

I would like to direct this point in this blog. I will be doing self-forgiveness for the thought, for the fear and for doubting her. I will also write a self-correction script so that when and as this happen - i will be able to stop myself from participating.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use body movements to express fear that SL will not come - believing that it is bad to waste the salads when she does not come and it is good to not waste the salad by arriving on time - where i support personality systems moving directed by fear .

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the money i spent to make the salads were wasted - and within this, project my fear into the future - where i support personality systems projecting fear into the future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt SL - where i support personality systems based on doubt.


Self-corrective Statements:

When and as i see myself using body movements to express fear - i stop - i breathe. I realise that this gives me a feeling that i as the ego-personality moving -directed by my fear - is real - when i am just trapped as the ego-personality moving my body - within abuse - driven by fear - supporting personality systems that use body movements directed by fear in this world. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me - as i will abuse the body - by moving directed by fear - within self sabotage. This is not what is best for all because i will be supporting personality systems - who are moving directed by fear.

When and as i see myself believing that money i spent to make the salads were wasted - projecting my fear into the future - i stop - i breathe. I realize that this gives me a feeling that this has already happened - when it hasn't. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me - as i will sabotage my process this way. This is not what is best for all because if i exist as the personality - i will support the personality systems that project fear onto the future.

When and as i see myself doubting SL - i stop - i breathe. I realize this gives me a feeling that that i as the personality is real - as i generate energy within this mind participation. I stop participation because this is not what is best for me  - as i will sabotage my process. This is not best for all because i will support personality systems based on doubt.