2012 Self-forgiveness as a Mother Part 2 Day 15

Self-forgiveness as a Mother
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from AJ
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect AJ to the word daughter
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word AJ to the word pity
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than AJ because i left them to their Dad's care when they were young and so i owe AJ something - and AJ as more than me because she is the one i owe something from
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that leaving them to their dad when i did not have money to support them is bad - and so blame myself for doing that.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i can just desire a person i can be in a relationship with, marry that person and have sex with that person- deciding as the ego-personality within self-interest - where i did not consider the consequence of that decision  within my process of self-perfection,  the kids process - who will be born from that relationship - and how it will affect all life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give love to the kids and expect love in return - in self-interest - not realizing that real love is life one and equal as all.
I forgive myself to blame myself for not being there when my kids were growing up - and instead - leave them in the care of their dad and grandparents - abdicating self-responsibility - within self-interest
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to love my kids - in self-interest - where i give them food for them to love me - as i identify as the ego-personality - in self-interest.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to birth a child into a world that is supporting inequality - as i identify as the ego-personality - enslaved by desire, attraction and sex.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my quest for self-realization as a justification for not taking self-responsibility to earn enough money to support my kids - instead, let their dad take self-responsibility in my behalf.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to leave my kids to their dad - without letting them know - and justify that by saying " better to just go away silently - telling them what i am going through and why i am leaving them to their dad - will be too painful for them to take, and they will not understand that" - when it was a way for me to abdicate my responsibility as a mother.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving birth to kids in this world will give me fulfillment as a woman- in self-interest, without understanding who i have become and who my potential partner has become - as i identify as the ego-personality - and subject them to a life based on mind energy dependency - and teach them how to be exactly like me - and as i fall - they fall - within not taking self-responsibility as all.

Self-commitment:
I commit myself to when i am manipulating myself to abdicate responsibility for/as the physical - i stop and breathe and direct myself to change my starting point from an ego-personality starting point to a starting point that is what is best for all life.