April 15, 2012
Today, when i finished washing the dishes, while i was turning on the kitchen sink incinerator - i saw the strainer was out of place. I saw my hand slowly holding the switch to on and slowly turning it off and then my stomach had movements. It turned out there's nothing wrong with the incenerator. It was just me connecting a certain sound generated in the machine that i connected to a past incident - where i saw the incenerator being clogged - which turned out to be a problem - because the plumbers saw very small pieces of glass inside the drain . They then told me that we have to pay for this and when i asked how much, he said about $100+ dollars. This frightened me because that is a big amount of money and the fact that i am doing something wrong - made it a frightening experience - where i blamed myself for doing something wrong. I saw the fear being generated inside me causing stomach movements - which i did not pay attention to in the past - as i accepted it as if it is normal for me to have those. I accepted it as if it's part of me.
Today i will direct this point using self-forgiveness for the fear and self-correction by writing a script on what i will do so i will not participate in this fear - when and as i see it.
Self-forgiveness Statements:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the kitchen sink incenerator being clogged - where the sound of the machine was connected to a past experience- which was unpleasant - so having fear of breaking something.- where the past experience was being projected to the present .
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for doing something wrong - as i believed that breaking something is wrong - where i connected a past experience in the kitchen where mothers told children that they are careless - whenever the children drop something in the kitchen - and so, manifest this fear within body movements - with muscles in the stomach.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than myself when i break something and judge myself as more than myself when i do not break something.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manifest my fear of breaking something within my physical body
Self Correction Script:
When and as i see myself having fear that the kitchen sink incenerator is clogged - where i connected the sound of the machine to a past incident - and project that experience to the present -fearing that it is wrong to break something - i stop - i breathe and let go. i realize that this gives me a feeling that i - as the ego-personality - exist for real - not realizing that i created this fear in my mind - therefore not real.
When and as i see myself judge myself as less than myself when i break something - i stop - i breathe and let go. I realize that this gives me a feeling that i am not valuable enough - as i identify as the ego-personality. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all because i will give life to the ego-personality - within self-sabotage - and support the personality systems in this world.
When and as i see myself blame myself for breaking something - i stop - i breathe and let go. I realize this give me a feeling that i will cease to exist if i break something - so people will be disliking me and no one will validate me as i identify as the ego-personality - within self-sabotage. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me because i will be sabotaging my own process . This is not what is best for all because this will give me life as the ego-personality which will support the personality systems in this world.
When and as i see myself manipulate myself to manifest - fear of breaking something - within the physical body - through body movements - i stop - i breathe and let go. I realize that this gives me a feeling that the fear is real - not realizing that i am the one making it appear as if it is real - within self manipulation. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me because i will sabotage my process. This is not what is best for all because i will support the personality systems in this world.
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