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Saturday, July 21, 2012

2012: My Childhood: 'Who Am I?' 1 I Am The 'Ghost Stories' Character I Chose To Become Day 99




'Ghost Stories' Character


Related Blogs:
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This Is The Start Of A Series of Blogs About My Childhood
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Stepping out of Character:
I realized that the 'ghost stories' character is an alternate version of me -which  i created in my mind - in an alternate reality - a mind reality that i lived and made real. I am stepping out of this character. I am birthing myself as the real character - as who i really am - as the flesh/physical - equal to all that exist - looking at the commonsense that we are made from the same substance all are made of - equal and one.

My Dad's Ghost Story


When i was about 7-8 years old, my father used to tell me a story:

When he was young he lived with his grandmother - one day his grandmother asked him to buy vinegar from the store. It was night time, so he went and got out of the house. It was dark. It was in the country. The road was rugged and grassy. When he was walking there appeared an old woman - whose hair was raised and whose eyes were blood red in color with hands raised

When he was telling me this story, he was demonstrating with his body movements the body movements of the woman and with the voice tonality that is low and slow mixed with a high pitch scream - and then he would  stop - in the middle of it and say 'i first have to get a glass of water' while me and my brother and sister are screaming because of fear.


I imagined the ghosts were right in front of me and that made me fearful - yet i know that the old woman was not in the room with us - but the hope that  one day i may come face to face with this ghost when i am walking in a dark road frightened me.

Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear when i hear ghost stories - coming from a point of boredom living an existence in separation from who i am - where i fear losing me as the positive energy experiences - which i get from hearing stories that get me in a roller coaster ride - cycling through the negative, neutral and positive energetic experiences of my dad in his story - as i recreate it in my mind - in a mind reality -complete with pictures, memories, colors, sound etc. - to produce a moving alternate reality within my mind - which i believe is real - where i desire a positive energy experience from hearing and watching my dad tell stories - which i believe is what is more than me . - not realizing that i am here as breath - in every moment - standing equal to and one with the substance as the physical.

'Bored needs ghost stories' Character
Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'bored needs stories' character'


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'ghost stories' character - where i went into my mind - and imagined what it was like to be my dad in that story he was telling me - and created the pictures of how the old woman looks like - so i made a picture of her in my mind , with hair raised, black hair, blood shot eyes, red color, hands up and screaming on top of her voice with body bent - and when i already created the picture in my mind - i positioned myself in front of her and reacted with fright - i held my breath. Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go inside my mind - a mind reality that is not real - and create a picture complete with details - a movie that i directed and produced in an alternate reality but using energy coming from the real theater i am using - the flesh/physical/body - and when i started playing the scary movie inside my mind - the stomach started to manifest the fear i am experiencing - the heart started to beat faster- where i created a mind physical relationship - where i became one with and equal to both the mind experience and the physical experience.I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear i am experiencing is a real experience of me as self here - not realizing that it started when i created the pictures in my mind - and that the experience is an experience of separation. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that i am here as breath in every moment - not defined by energy - but equal to and one with substance - as life.

Self-commitments:
I commit myself to when and as i see myself  bored - i stop and breathe - and instead of desiring the 'moreness' of me within listening to ghost stories - i bring me back to here - as who i am and enjoy my expression - as self - not defined by movement nor energy.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself fearing  ghosts in ghost stories - i stop - i breathe and change my starting point - from separation of me as mind and the physical to who i am equal to as the physical/substance as life and correct myself breath by breath, moment by moment to birth me here as the real character that stands for what is best for all.
I commit myself

I commit myself to - through writing, self-forgiveness and self- corrective application - assist me to stop living through the characters i created in my mind - as the alternate versions of me - and birth me here as the real character in flesh and blood as the physical/substance - equal to all that exist.



'what if one day i see an old woman with a red 'blood shot' eyes and raised hair  - and this woman will be bending in front of  me with hands up and screaming in a dark summer night ? I will be very frightened. I will scream.'

'I like stories, because they make me experience the emotional ups and downs'

'I don't like him stopping the story, that will stop the excitement'

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backhat as a method to fear the future - which i separated from - not seeing or realizing i am here as breath in every moment.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to desire ghost stories as the 'ghost stories' character - so i can experience me as the interplay of positive energetic experiences, neutral and negative energetic experiences  - which i defined myself within.  Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me within the interplay of positive, neutral and negative experiences - which i created in my mind. Within this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the accumulation of positive experiences through positive and negative energetic experience and the stops in between - as i defined myself within movement, friction and balance - as energy - not realizing that i am not defined by movement, friction and balance. i am here as breath in every moment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to desire the continuation of the excitement that i feel as energy within the totality of the interplay of energetics as i experience positive, neutral and negative energetic experiences.

Self - commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself using backchat as a method to fear  the future - i stop - i breath through the energy and stabilize myself within and as breath - seeing and realizing that i made it all up in my mind - separating from who i am as the flesh/physical/body. I realize that i separated myself into the past, present and future - so fear the appearance of the ghost in a future time - to instead realize that i am here as breath in every moment. I am here.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself using backchat as a method to  desire positive energy experiences from having the interplay of positive, neutral and negative experiences - i stop - i stabilize me as breath - breathe though the energy and direct it as me

Body Movement:
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I screamed and said, 'No, you cannot get water, you have to continue with the story!' with eyes
opened wide, head slightly tilted up, back of the head pressing on the back of the neck, arms locked, holding breath, heart racing, stomach grinding
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Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to 'as the eyes' wide open manipulate myself to fear

Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself  'as the eyes' wide open manipulate myself to fear - i stop - I breathe. I express me as the eyes.
Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to 'as the larynx' screaming manipulate myself to fear.


Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the larynx' 'screaming 'as the voice' manipulate myself to fear - i stop - i breathe and express me as who i am - as the larynx - as the sound - as the voice.
Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself   'as the head' slightly tilted up to manipulate myself to fear


Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself   'as the head'  slightly tilted up manipulate myself to fear - i stop - i breathe and express me as the body in a way that i support me as body - support me as the breath.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i  have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the head' ' back pressing on the back of me 'as the neck'  manipulate myself to fear
Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself  'as the head'  pressing the back of me onto the back of me 'as the neck' manipulating myself to fear- i stop - i breathe and find the body position that will support me as the head, as the neck


Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the arms'  locked together, 'as the right hand' clasping me 'as the left upper arm', and me 'as the left hand' clasping me 'as the right forearm' manipulate myself to fear.


Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself  'as the arms' locking  together, as me 'as the right hand' clasping me 'as the left upper arm and 'as the left hand' clasping me 'as the right forearm -manipulate myself to fear - i stop - i breathe and find the body position that supports me as the left arm - as the right arm - as the left hand - as the right hand.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  'as the heart' beat faster  - as i live though the 'ghost stories' character - manipulate myself to fear.


Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the heart' beat faster' manipulate myself to fear - as i live through the 'ghost stories' character - i stop - i breathe and find a body position that supports me as body - that supports me as the breath.


Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the stomach' grinding manipulate myself to fear -as i live through the 'ghost stories' character.


Self-commitment
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 'as the stomach' grinding manipulate myself to fear - as i live through the 'ghost stories' character -i stop - i breathe and find a body position that supports me as the body - that supports me as the breath 

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