Lessons I Learned From My Daughter's Stay: Comfort Equals Money

We are travelling to see my daughter who is visiting North Carolina from the Philippines for a week for work training.

It is very interesting that after travelling for 4 hrs. we can sleep and rest at a motel for $62. We still have to travel 10 hrs. tomorrow from Malvern, Arkansas to Tennessee then to our final destination - Asheville, North Carolina, where we will pick-up my daughter from the airport.

That is how much we pay for comfort. We can sleep in the car and be uncomfortable for no money but we choose to be comfortable for the night and pay the fee.

Comfort = money

This is why we have to earn more money. The homeless and the poor in the streets of LA, Dallas, the Philippines etc. cannot afford this comfort. The ones with money can.

We avoid discomfort but with no money, we do not have a choice.

It would be cool to see every human able to afford a comfortable home where they can rest and enjoy a good nights sleep.

VS Pulling Mom's Hair: 'Who am I?' I am The 'I Pity My Mom' Character I Chose To Become Day 116

Life Tools

Agreement Course

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Self-forgiveness

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About Writing/Blogging

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Stepping out Of Character

I am doing self-forgiveness to stop, delete or step out of the 'i pity my mom' energy character and birth me as the real character - as flesh and blood -as the physical - through commitment to correct myself in every moment of breath - and birth me here as all Life - standing for what is best for all..

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What is self-forgiveness?

“Speaking self forgiveness is like – ‘saying sorry to yourself’, but in more deep and intimate way. Saying sorry to yourself for separating yourself from yourself, from not realising that you can actually help yourself, from making your life difficult for yourself, from being hard on yourself, from not helping yourself. And in this self forgiveness as ‘saying sorry to yourself’ you then release yourself / set yourself free from your past so that you can help yourself to create a new future for yourself inside yourself. Through self forgiveness, you let go of the burdens of the past in your mind that is haunting you, and set yourself free to take your power back to change yourself, for yourself.” ~ Sunette Destonian Spies

Self-forgiveness is the act of rebirth and giving self to self through letting the past as self go and creating a new self that can be trusted to always be what is best for all. Bernard Poolman

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The Event:
I saw my mom being hurt by VS -when i was young. i saw VS pulling her hair  when i was about 6-8 yrs old.

'I Pity My Mom' Character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i pity my mom' character which i became aware of when i saw my mom being hurt by VS when i was about 6-8 years old - where her long black hair is being pulled in an argument that i witnessed in the kitchen. - within this, i forgive myself to believe that pitying my mom is good and not pitying her is bad - through this,  i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me within pity or no pity - a polarity manifestation of /as the mind.

The Subconscious Mind

Backchats: 

'I felt I have to protect my mom'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to fear pain and so desire to help others get out of pain as the 'fear pain desire to get others out of pain' character
I forgive myself that  i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat to fear being a victim of abuse so desire to protect my mom from abuse
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to justify not helping my mom - and through the use of feeling - feel the need to protect my mom -as a form of 'help given to her' - where empathy is equated to helping her - instead of saying 'stop pulling her hair
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify the desire to be protected in my relationships- and remaining as that character - as a consequence of acting out the 'fear pain desire to get others out of pain' character.

'She's unable to protect herself'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to judge my mom as unable to protect herself - in essence judging her as less than myself and me more than myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  fear being unprotected and so desire to be protected by my relationship partners all my life - as a consequence of acting out this character - an alternate version of me - i believed to be me

'She is trying to hide the pain by not crying'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to believe she is trying to hide the pain by not crying - projecting my fear of pain from my hair being pulled by another.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within pain and no pain

'I know she’s hurt, she's just being strong'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to judge my mom as self-dishonest - pretending to be strong when i saw her as weak - where i connected her not crying when her hair is being pulled by VS - as pretense.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself when i cry - where i copied what i believed my mom did by suppressing tears from coming out - when i want to cry when people are around - as a consequence of being the 'i am pretending' energy character - judging my mom as less than myself when she did not cry and me more than myself when i cry- i also judged myself as less than myself when i cry - so suppress myself from crying -spiting the physical - as who i am - as flesh and/as blood- as the tears - as the tear duct - as the eyes - as the body - that which is assisting me unconditionally to move around in the physical universe and assisting me to express myself here.

'I can see that she isn't strong'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to judge my mom as less than me and me more than myself  - and judge my mother as weak for not saying anything to stop VS from pulling her hair
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to believe my mom isn't strong because of the belief that when people cry when hurt by others - that is normal - and when people do not cry when hurt by others - it is not normal.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  define myself within normal and not normal.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself by not saying anything when someone is angry - as the 'i fear anger' character where i judge myself as less than anger - as less than the person expressing anger - diminishing myself - as who i really am - as a consequence of  acting out the 'i am weak' character - misusing the vocal cords/larynx - as equal to who i am - and instead spite the physical - as the larynx/vocal cords - by suppressing its expression - by suppressing myself to talk in self-honesty in every breath - in every moment.

'She needs someone to help her'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to fear saying something to VS to stop her from pulling my mom's hair - justifying my not taking self-responsibility to say something to stop VS from hurting her by standing there wanting someone to help her - delegating my responsibility to someone else.

'She is her mother so she has the right - and she does not have a say because she’s just the daughter'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to believe that mother's do have a right - believing mother's hurting her kid is allowed/okay/good and the daughter saying something to stop being hurt by her mother is a form of 'answering back' to her mother  - therefore, is bad - because our culture says so - defining myself within the rules of the Filipino culture.

'I want to help but I am  just the the grandaughter'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to abdicate responsibility for saying something to stop VS from pulling my mom's hair - desiring to help my mother but not doing it anyway - because of fear that she will scold me and hurt me too as the 'i fear taking self-responsibility so i will just be an observer' character because i am scared of the consequences of taking on that stand as the 'fear of consequences for helping someone' character - not realizing i cannot get out of consequence.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to suppress myself from stopping VS and not helping my mom 
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  use backchat as a method to judge myself as less than myself and my grandmother as more than myself - where i suppress myself - to not talk about how my parents and grandparents assist me in remaining as the energy character that i am - and to never be the real character in flesh - that is who i really am- talking about the good things that i believed they do only and being blind about the rest - in self-dishonesty - as self-sabotage.

'I am helpless, I need help myself because I am a child'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to believe i am helpless and that i need help because i am a child
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to define myself within helpful and helpless, help and no help
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to judge myself 'as a child - as less than myself and me as an adult as more than myself
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use back chat as a method to define myself within being a child - being an adult
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to believe that children are helpless and adults are not helpless - defining myself within helpless and not helpless 

'I felt pain seeing her being violated by VS'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to project my mom's pain to myself - where first i imagined within/as my mind how it will feel if someone pull my hair - and comparing it from a past experience - and believed it will be painful.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself between the past, present and future.

'I fear intervening because she might be angry and she might punish me'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to use backchat as a method to fear stopping VS from hurting my mom believing she will get angry and then defining myself within the ' i fear she might punish me' character

'love can be cruel - the one who loves you and cares for you  can punish you and  hurt you and that will be acceptable'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge love as cruel believing that 'the one who loves you and cares for you can punish you and hurt you and that will be acceptable - and cruelty will be acceptable'. 

'I feel sorry for her'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat to justify not helping to stop VS from hurting my mom - and to instead just 'feel sorry for my mom' - believing that that is all i have to do - as i believed that is all i could do as a child - believing that that is enough
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by believing i can only do a little bit - or take responsibility for some parts of me and that's okay - believing others say it is so - and so it is - not realizing that i am here in every moment of breath - able to take self-responsibility for all parts of me as all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people help children because they are helpless - and 'i am a child so i can be helpless'  
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to justify my being helpless and as consequence/effect of this believe i am really helpless so be dependent on others all my life - my mom, my dad, my relationship partners etc.- not realizing i am here in every moment as breath.

'People who love me and feed me has the right to punish me'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to believe that people who love me and feed me has the right to punish me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method to spite the physical - as who i am - as the flesh as the body- within accepting and allowing others to abuse it physically.

'I will memorize this event.'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method  to delay taking self-responsibility for my mom as me - not taking responsibility in that moment the event happened - and instead memorize the event and store it in my mind - believing that if i do that i will get VS to one day face what she did for my mom - as the 'vengeance' character - defining myself within time - as taking responsibility in the future - defining myself within the 'i fear taking responsibility at this moment- so i am taking self-responsibility in the future' character - where when i stopped taking self-responsibility in that moment when i saw what was happening to my mom - and as a consequence for suppressing who i am as the real character that takes self-responsibility in every moment of breath.- i have situations where i become overwhelmed by so much stuff i have to take self-responsibility for. 

The Unconscious Mind

Body Movement: 

I am near the door, standing, body slightly bent, body twisted to the left and head turned to the left

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself 'as the body' slightly bent 'as the body' twisted to the left, 'as the head' turned to the left to express pity to my mom being hurt by VS.

Feels like crying
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself 'as the eyes' about to cry to - 'as the tear duct' about to release tears - to express pity to my mom being hurt by VS.

Heart beating fast
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself 'as the heart' beating fast to express fear that my mom will suffer so much pain.

Stomach Churning
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself 'as the stomach' churning to fear my mom will suffer too much pain

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I commit myself to when and as i see myself defining myself within the rules of the Filipino culture - where it is okay for a mother to hurt or punish a child while it is wrong for a child to say something when the mother or grandmother is doing something wrong - i stop - i breathe. i bring myself back here - i assist myself to stand as who i am - equal to all that exist and say something to stop the abuse - and make this a physical doingness by stomping my feet to the ground and saying 'i am here' - as the flesh and blood -as the physical - and say to myself 'i only accept and allow that which is best for all life'.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself defining myself within the 'i fear taking self-responsibility so i will just be an observer' character - i stop - i breathe. I assist myself to realise that i created this character out of fear of being involved in any consequence arising from me taking responsibility - to stop me from taking responsibility in every moment of breath - the consequence of which is me always late - at work - in school - making my assignments etc.- and accepting and allowing only that which is best for all life - as that is essentially what is best for me.

I commit myself to delete this ''i fear taking self-responsibility so i will just be an observer' character -as the memories, as pictures - as desires, as beliefs etc. within and as myself - and let go of the separation as desires etc. within and as myself - and stand with the physical - stomp my feet and say 'i am here' - and find the body position that supports me as the breath - that supports me as the body - and only accept and allow that which is best for all life

I commit myself to stop or delete the memories, pictures of the 'i pity my mom' character- as desires, fears, beliefs etc. within and as myself and let go of the separation - as desires etc. within and as myself and stand as who i am as the flesh and blood - as the physical - as the breath in every moment here - and only accept and allow what is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself manipulating myself 'as the eyes' about to cry - i stop - i breathe - and find a body position that will assist me as the body - that will assist me as the breath and position my body that way .

I commit myself to when and as i see myself manipulating myself 'as the stomach' churning - i stop - i breathe and find the body position that will support me as the body - that will support me as the breath and position the body that way.

I commit myself to when and as i see myself manipulating me 'as the heart' beating fast to express fear that my mom will be hurt - i stop - and breathe - finding the body position that will support me as the body - that will support me as the breath and position the body that way.

I commit myself to - through writing, self forgiveness and self-corrective application - assist myself to stop the 'pity' character and all characters that support this character.

2012: : 'I Have To Give Daddy His Slippers To Please Him' - Character: Part 4 Day 82

My Story

Related Blogs:

Part 1 Redefining Character

Part 2 Redefining Character: Word Connections

Part 3 - 'What Does It Mean To Step Out of Character'?

'POSITIVE (+)' Character:

'I have to give daddy slippers to please him' - Character

In one of my blogs, i wrote about how i separated myself from the word character by giving it either a positive or a negative value.

In essence, it is me separating myself from who i am as ALL LIFE - equal to all that exist ( looking at the commonsense - we all come from the same substance - all are made of)

By giving the word a positive or negative value - i am separating from what is here - as the real physical matter which i consist of/as.

I fear losing me as the 'accumulation of my positive experiences' - as the character. This makes me look for something that is 'more than me'  - to ensure my survival within the positive energy experience.

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 In this blog, we will look at my childhood and how i defined myself within a positive energy experience of this word - as  'I have to give  daddy his slippers so that i can please him' - character.

I believed that this will give me a value that is 'more than me', which is a value that is 'more than me - as here' - as the breath - as all life - not realizing that an illusion has no value. The real value is to realize who i am here as equal to all that exist - as Life.

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How I Gave The Word 'Character' a Positive Value

'(+1) POSITIVE Character : Positive Experience'
'I have to give  daddy his slippers so that i can please him'


 Character #1

I have charged this word 'character' a positive value - separating myself from the word. This can be seen in my mom's story:

She said, when i was young i used to find my father's slippers for him and gave it to him when he arrived home. He's pleased that i do that for him.


I cherished the experience of him saying 'you are my palangga' (you are my favorite daughter). I want to keep hearing him say that. That assures my survival (as the 'well - loved character' in the family - just like a beloved actress in a movie).

The memory of that 'comforted me throughout my life.

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Self-forgiveness Statements:

Separation:

(Separating myself from all parts of me as life)

Me Separating Myself from The Word 'Character':

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word character - within my mind - by charging the word character with a positive value - within a positive energy experience as the 'I have to give Daddy his slippers to please him' - character

(Slippers - Low footwear that can be slipped on and off easily; usually worn indoors)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i like to give daddy his slippers to please him' character - so he will give me love - so i will be his favorite child - to feel good - as i seek the 'moreness' of me.


When and as i see myself defining myself within the 'i like to give daddy slippers to please him' - character - i stop - i breathe and correct my starting point from a starting point of what is best for me to a starting point of what is best for all - realizing the commonsense that what is best for all is essentially what is best for me. I commit to through blogging and vlogging assist myself to stop the positive and negative energetics existent in the 'i like to give daddy slippers to please him' - character - and through correcting and applying myself here in every breath - i stop.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the ' i will give daddy his slippers to please him' - character


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within a memory of the 'i will give daddy slippers to please him' - character -  not realizing it is just an illusion - believing that when i lose the  memory of the 'i will give daddy slippers to please him' - character,  i will lose the 'moreness of me' as the accumulated positive energy experiences of the character - believing that - i will become doubtful and uncertain of who i am - spiting the people who remind me the 'lessness of me' - as the negative, in essence spiting the physical - existing in blame with the excuse that i have to survive - looking for the 'moreness' of me by pleasing my dad - to feel good - and justifying my existence by accepting and allowing me as the character to continue existing - as the 'i will give daddy slippers to please him' - character - believing that this will make me whole - not realizing that this is not real - an illusion of the evolution of separation.


I realize that the memory of this character is an illusion - as the character's awareness of itself is a separation awareness -  not real awareness - where the creation of separation comes from the 'there must be more than me, there must be more than me - as here' character. I realize that i am here as breath in every moment.
When and as i see myself defining myself within the memory of the 'i will give daddy slippers to please him' - character - i stop and breathe and change my starting point. I commit myself to apply myself in the physical using all the tools available in every breath - correcting me in every breath - where the reality of me in the physical - as who i am - as all life can be cross-referenced by all.

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Quote:

This ‘character-creation’ of ourselves originated from and of the moment we as substance separated ourselves into and as an innumerable amounts of manifested-singularities, where substance took on the character of “There Must be MORE than ME, there must be MORE than ME as HERE”. And so within the creation/manifestation of that character from and of itself – Substance accordingly manifested/created the embodiments/manifestations of that character from, within and as itself that manifested as the MORE of itself as all the manifested/accumulated manifested-singularities into and as which it separated itself creating/manifesting the Illusion of MORE. And so separated itself from HERE into and as the accumulation of and as Energies from the negative, to the neutral and to the positive the MORE it separated itself from itself as HERE.

Thus, this Illusion of MORENESS manifested the MORE it separated itself from Itself and HERE. And so, substance as ourselves created/manifested our/its first Character embodiments/manifestations “There Must be MORE than ME, there must be MORE than HERE” that had become the existent/manifested creations of and as the manifested-singularities and energy. Characters which we still exist-as to this day: manifested living-embodiments resonating within and as that starting-point of and as searching/seeking the MORE of ourselves, the MORE of Here. And so from and of us accepting and allowing ourselves to exist/live as this character of searching/seeking the MORE of ourselves, the MORE of Here; we have accordingly created/manifested ourselves and our existence as a whole in and as this image and likeness. To now for example with the existence/manifestation of the World-System of Money in itself, searching/seeking for the MORE of itself as Money, as the very physical-existence that it can permeate and penetrate to accumulate/manifest the MORE of itself as Money in consuming physicality to transform into Money, and duplicating/multiplying itself within businesses, industries, corporations to manifest/create the MORE of itself as the World-System itself.

And so, we’ve from the beginning been stuck in this ONE POINT Character-manifestation of seeking/searching for the MORE of ourselves the MORE of Here, which is all that we’ve done and become infinitely at this stage. Not seeing/realising/understanding that: as long as we exist as this Character of searching/seeking for the MORE of ourselves, the MORE of Here – this is all we’ll ever do, be and remain as. And therefore, the process thus is to ‘step out of character’ – stop the characteristic existence of ourselves as seeking/searching for the MORE of ourselves, the MORE of Here, and realise ourselves as Here in equality and oneness, that once we actuallySTOP searching and seeking, and start REALISING HERE, in equality and oneness – lol; we may just find what/who it is that we’ve been searching for/looking for throughout existence…

Heavens Journey:
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/first-creation-of-character-day-79.html


References:

The Creations Journey
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-80-creating-character.html

Earth's Journey
http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-44-character-game.html

2012: Redefining The Word 'Son' Part 1 Day 28

The Word 'Son'

According to Wikipedia, a son is a male offspring; a boy or man in relation to his parents.

Redefining the word 'Son''

From

S-ervant as O-ffspring coming from d-N-a

A male offspring, a boy or a man born from his parents 

who was downloaded information from ones parents through the DNA who perceiving oneself as separate from all 

To

a male offspring, coming from ones parents -who sees the parent as oneself and births oneself here as who one really is - and stands for what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness Statements:

SF for perceived Separation:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word son

through giving it a positive value

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from the word son through giving it a negative value

SF for Charging the Word Son with A Positive and a Negative Value

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word son with a positive value

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word son with a negative value

Positive Connections/Definitions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word love
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word love

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word birthday
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word birthday

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word SVS
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word SVS

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word AsJBS
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word AsJBS

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word JBR
I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word JBR

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word AlJBS
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word AlJBS

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word intelligent
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word intelligent

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word handsome
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word handsome

Negative connections/Definitions
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word leave
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word leave

I forgiver myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word s'collapsed lungs'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the words 'collapsed lungs'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word hospital
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word hospital

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word death
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word death

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word rage
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word rage

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word pity
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word pity

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word anger
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word anger

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word adopted
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word adopted

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word guilt
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word guilt

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word away
I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word away

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word son to the word slippers
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word son within the word slippers

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Self-forgiveness for Resonating and Experiencing The Word 'Son'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 
resonate and experience the word 'son'
over and over again
into the very physical body
rippling through into the water
and actually program the very physical
from the depths of the physical itself

 Self- Correction Script

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness
and self-correction in my living application
recreate myself by rewriting the book within myself
releasing the positive and the negative energy charge
i had given the word 'son'

I commit myself to instead of connecting/defining
the word 'son'
to/within other words
assigning positive and negative values 
that are my mind interpretation of reality
redefine it as equal to my 
spoken and written expression
as who i am, what i am and how i am

I commit myself to when and as i see myself 

fearing losing 
using the word 'son' so i can feel bad/guilty
about not being with DSRSJ growing up
having the feeling that i lost something
and then wanting to win
using the word 'son'
to satisfy my desire to do something extraordinary
to make me feel good about myself 


fearing that i do not have someone to pass on my genes to
fear that i cannot propagate the race
using the word son to 
satisfy my desire to make my son 
a testimony to my generating capability
as a woman giving birth to a man who will continue the family tree
boasting about DSRSJ to others
believing he is intelligent and handsome 
because he has my genes
to have a sense of winning

using the word son to 
satisfy my desire that  DR is going to be intelligent 
and handsome because he has my genes
and that i will see him when he is ready
to feel good about myself 
to win

I stop
I breathe through the desire

I realize this is me as the mind
running away from my fears

fear of death - as the mother personality
fear of being impotent as a female married to a male
fear of not having a family
fear of not having a son
fear of being inferior

so desiring to be superior 
using the word 'son'
to give me life as the female/mother personality
the evil me separating myself from words 
through giving it a positive and a negative value
charging word 'son' with positive and negative values
connecting word 'son' to positive and negative values
defining the word 'son' within positive and negative values
instead of seeing and realizing i am equal to words i speak and write
as who i am as symbols
as words, as sentences, as sound

redefining the word 'son'
and using the word as equal to my expression
as who i am here

I assist myself to stabilize me as breath
before i speak
making sure i am clear within myself before
i speak and write the word

I assist myself to accept and allow me
to regain dimensional vision and see what is really here

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Quote:
'to resonate and experience that word or such a memory
over and over and over again and because it resonates
over and over again into the very physical body
it ripple through into the water
and actually program the very physical from the depths of
the physical itself'
Parenting Perfecting The Human Race Part 6
https://eqafe.com/i/jroca-parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-6

2012 Family Blog: My Father: Me as The Best Child Personality : Reward - 'Love' Day 20

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=100564830005187

Me as the "Best Child" Personality

When i was a kid i made sure i do what my father say - not because i was good nor because i was the "best child", as what my dad said i was - but because i fear being punished - as i believed if i was not seen as special - i will not be loved. I get a reward for being good/special - love - a limited kind of "love" that only benefits the ego-personality - so i get the caring/loving words  of my dad and him telling all our relatives that i am the best child - which he defined as having good grades and being obedient. I manipulated myself to express the 'good' and hide the 'bad' - as i manipulate my dad and others - and create a world that is based on rotten "love" as self-interest - based on rewards - not realizing that i am love as life - equal to all that exist.

In this blog, i will direct this point using self-forgiveness and self-commitment to expose myself and/as others - existing in rotten "love" within self-interest - to receive a 'reward'.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the giver and receiver of "love", within self-interest - limiting me,  as who i have become in adopting that beingness - based on illusion - defined by my beliefs, ideas, judgments etc.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see that i suppress me by saying 'yes' to rules given by my father

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself tp desire to be loved by him

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself top desire for him to tell everyone about how good i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have my father stand as a living testimony of how good i am - as a way to hide who i have become as the ego-personality - defined by relationships giving life to me as the limited me as the ego

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define who i have become-as the good child personality-  not realizing that within that i am judging myself as more than me - within self-dishonesty and self-sabotage - to not see who i am here as breath in every moment - equal to all that exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate who i am - by adopting the best child personality and believe that as real when in fact it isn't real - because i created it all in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than myself when others dislike me - as i have defined me within like and dislike

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me within how others perceive me - making me more than or less than who i really am - as i feel good when they love me and feel bad when they don't love me - not realizing that i am here as the breath in every moment equal to all that exist - as we are made from the same substance all are made of.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  manipulate my self-expression within judgment
- where i suppress the bad and express the good - because i desire to express that which is good to get a reward -  love

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support personality systems in this world based on desire to express the good to get a reward - money - supporting the reward systems manifested as the beauty industry, fashion industry etc. - within consumerism - where products and services are being marketed to exploit this personality point as the 'best' perfumes, the 'best' clothes, the 'best' education, the 'best' shoes, the 'best' tasting food, the 'best' relationship, the 'best' kids, the 'best' watches, the 'best bags, the 'best' cars, the 'best' house, the 'best' job, the 'best' body form, the 'best gym, the 'best' yoga exercise, the 'best meditation technique, the 'best' sexual position, the 'best lover, the 'best' exercise routine, the 'best' business, the 'best' tv show, the 'best' religion, the 'best' charity, the 'best' non-profit organization, the 'best actress, the 'best' actor etc. - to get a reward - fame, money, popularity and being liked for me to feel good - all to give life to the personality which i have become - defined by limitation. 

It was not real love but 'rotten love'  - a love that is based on i, me and myself - within self-interest - not realizing that i am here in every moment of breath able to stop the mind/ego/personality - and self-direct me to birth me - as Love as Life.- standing for what is best for all.
Self-commitment
I commit myself to - through writing self-forgiveness and self- corrective application expose who i have become as the ego-personality - as all points that is based on self-interest - as that personality who is not supporting what is best for all life  -  to redefine me as my words - and as i do that, i birth me here - as Self as Life - as that which is standing for what is best for all.

Within this, i commit to - stand as a cross reference point- when one commit oneself to writing self-forgiveness and self-corrective application - expose who one has become as the personality - within self-interest - to recreate oneself as self that can be trusted - within ones words, speech and movement/action - as life is born on the physical - to exist forevermore.

I see/realize/understand that if we will not stop our identification with/as the ego-personality - defined by separation, inequality, competition, judgment and survival as the ego-personality, all will suffer - as we will support rather than stop the personality systems - where we will individually be creating the very system that is creating this mess in the physical.

Within this, i commit to when and as i see myself judging me within wanting 'love' as self-interest - as a 'best' child personality - i stop - i breathe and change my starting point from separation, judgment, competition and self-interest - to a starting point based on living in a way that is optimum for all as a whole and optimum for the individual life-form equally - as what is best for all.

I commit to - assist in establishing a world based on equality - where all will be given a chance to live in dignity.