2012 Family Blog: My Father: Me as The Best Child Personality : Reward - 'Love' Day 20

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Me as the "Best Child" Personality

When i was a kid i made sure i do what my father say - not because i was good nor because i was the "best child", as what my dad said i was - but because i fear being punished - as i believed if i was not seen as special - i will not be loved. I get a reward for being good/special - love - a limited kind of "love" that only benefits the ego-personality - so i get the caring/loving words  of my dad and him telling all our relatives that i am the best child - which he defined as having good grades and being obedient. I manipulated myself to express the 'good' and hide the 'bad' - as i manipulate my dad and others - and create a world that is based on rotten "love" as self-interest - based on rewards - not realizing that i am love as life - equal to all that exist.

In this blog, i will direct this point using self-forgiveness and self-commitment to expose myself and/as others - existing in rotten "love" within self-interest - to receive a 'reward'.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the giver and receiver of "love", within self-interest - limiting me,  as who i have become in adopting that beingness - based on illusion - defined by my beliefs, ideas, judgments etc.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see that i suppress me by saying 'yes' to rules given by my father

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself tp desire to be loved by him

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself top desire for him to tell everyone about how good i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have my father stand as a living testimony of how good i am - as a way to hide who i have become as the ego-personality - defined by relationships giving life to me as the limited me as the ego

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define who i have become-as the good child personality-  not realizing that within that i am judging myself as more than me - within self-dishonesty and self-sabotage - to not see who i am here as breath in every moment - equal to all that exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate who i am - by adopting the best child personality and believe that as real when in fact it isn't real - because i created it all in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than myself when others dislike me - as i have defined me within like and dislike

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me within how others perceive me - making me more than or less than who i really am - as i feel good when they love me and feel bad when they don't love me - not realizing that i am here as the breath in every moment equal to all that exist - as we are made from the same substance all are made of.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  manipulate my self-expression within judgment
- where i suppress the bad and express the good - because i desire to express that which is good to get a reward -  love

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support personality systems in this world based on desire to express the good to get a reward - money - supporting the reward systems manifested as the beauty industry, fashion industry etc. - within consumerism - where products and services are being marketed to exploit this personality point as the 'best' perfumes, the 'best' clothes, the 'best' education, the 'best' shoes, the 'best' tasting food, the 'best' relationship, the 'best' kids, the 'best' watches, the 'best bags, the 'best' cars, the 'best' house, the 'best' job, the 'best' body form, the 'best gym, the 'best' yoga exercise, the 'best meditation technique, the 'best' sexual position, the 'best lover, the 'best' exercise routine, the 'best' business, the 'best' tv show, the 'best' religion, the 'best' charity, the 'best' non-profit organization, the 'best actress, the 'best' actor etc. - to get a reward - fame, money, popularity and being liked for me to feel good - all to give life to the personality which i have become - defined by limitation. 

It was not real love but 'rotten love'  - a love that is based on i, me and myself - within self-interest - not realizing that i am here in every moment of breath able to stop the mind/ego/personality - and self-direct me to birth me - as Love as Life.- standing for what is best for all.
Self-commitment
I commit myself to - through writing self-forgiveness and self- corrective application expose who i have become as the ego-personality - as all points that is based on self-interest - as that personality who is not supporting what is best for all life  -  to redefine me as my words - and as i do that, i birth me here - as Self as Life - as that which is standing for what is best for all.

Within this, i commit to - stand as a cross reference point- when one commit oneself to writing self-forgiveness and self-corrective application - expose who one has become as the personality - within self-interest - to recreate oneself as self that can be trusted - within ones words, speech and movement/action - as life is born on the physical - to exist forevermore.

I see/realize/understand that if we will not stop our identification with/as the ego-personality - defined by separation, inequality, competition, judgment and survival as the ego-personality, all will suffer - as we will support rather than stop the personality systems - where we will individually be creating the very system that is creating this mess in the physical.

Within this, i commit to when and as i see myself judging me within wanting 'love' as self-interest - as a 'best' child personality - i stop - i breathe and change my starting point from separation, judgment, competition and self-interest - to a starting point based on living in a way that is optimum for all as a whole and optimum for the individual life-form equally - as what is best for all.

I commit to - assist in establishing a world based on equality - where all will be given a chance to live in dignity.