2012: Female Personality: At Home: The Split It's All About LOVE! Part 6 Day 48

The Split: Father: 'Favorite' - Mother: 'Careless'

  Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

In my past blogs, i was impulsed by the words 'favorite' and 'best' . While i was writing my blog, another word that popped up is the word 'careless'.

In my last blog i uncovered how - through defining the guru as the best - i am defining myself as - the worst. There was  also fear that i will not be the best - as the favorite daughter throughout my life - so Fear of Losing that definition i gave to myself.

 Hearing my mom criticize me when i am not organized, at home - and calling me 'careless' when i was a child - gave me a 'negative' experience of the word - which is the polarity opposite of the 'positive' experience i had when my dad call me his 'favorite daughter'. This puts me in a position where i have to decide  who i have become - the favorite daughter or the 'careless' daughter? This gave me the belief that i split me into 2 worlds. Doubt and uncertainty came up. This gave rise to anxiety- that vibration, that anxiety accumulated into FEAR.

In this blog, i will direct this fear by doing self-forgiveness and self-commitment to correct myself for what is best for all . 

Self-forgiveness:

The split

Favorite and not favorite
The Words 'Favorite' and 'Careless''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i split myself into 2 through a decision based on definitions i gave the words 'palangga' or 'hindi palangga' meaning 'favorite' and 'not favorite' - believing that the word 'palangga' or 'favorite' is good and 'hindi palangga' or 'not favorite' is bad - where i judged myself as good when i hear the word  'palangga' from my dad and when i do not hear it - i hear the opposite - i feel bad - not realizing that i as who i really am - is here as breath in every moment - so rather than believe and judge - i simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i split myself into 2 through a decision based on definitions i gave the words 'hapak-hapak' and ''hindi hapak-hapak' which means careless' and 'not careless' - believing that the word 'hapak-hapak' or 'careless' is bad and the word 'hindi hapak-hapak' or 'not careless' is good - where i judged myself as bad when i hear the word 'hapak-hapak' and when i do not hear it - i feel good -defining myself within words i separated myself from - based on my beliefs, judgments etc. -  not realizing that i am here as breath in every moment - so rather than believe and judge - i simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist - as we are made from the same substance all are made of - which include words

The Word 'Normal' and 'Special'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i split myself into 2 through  the positive definition i gave the word 'special' and the negative definition i gave the word 'normal' - defining myself within words i separated myself from - based on my beliefs, judgments etc. -not realizing that i am here as the breath in every moment - i simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist - as we are made from the same substance all are made of - which include words- so redefining the words i separated myself from.

The Word 'Favorite' as 'Special' and 'Careless' as 'Not Special'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i split myself into 2 through the interpretations i had of what the words 'favorite' and 'careless' mean - where i connected the word 'favorite' to the word ' special' and the word 'careless' to the word 'not special' - defining myself within words i separated myself from - based on my beliefs, judgments etc. - not realizing that i am here as breath in every moment - i simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist - as we are made from the same substance all are made of - which include words - so redefining the words i separated myself from

 Good and Bad : 'Favorite' as good and 'Careless' as bad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'hapak-hapak' to the the word bad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word 'hapak-hapak' within the word bad

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'palangga' to the word good

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word 'palangga' within the word good

Split:

'Bad Me'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am giving life to a bad me  - defining me within the polarity of good and bad - as the 'careless' personality - based on the words 'hapak-hapak' - as an interpretation - of an experience i had when i heard the word 'hapak-hapak' which means 'very careless' - from my mom - which i felt bad about - within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how i feel when i heard my mom say the words 'hapak-hapak' - not realizing that this is not real - as i created this in my mind- and that i am here as breath in every moment -i simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist - as we are made from the same substance all are made of.

'Good Me '

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am giving life to a good me - defining me within the polarity of good and bad - as the 'favorite child' personality based on the word 'palangga' - as i identify as the ego-personality defined by words i separated myself from - based on beliefs, judgments etc. -as an interpretation - of an experience i had when i heard the word 'palangga' - which means 'favorite daughter' - from my dad - which i felt good about - within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how i feel when i heard my dad say 'palangga' - not realizing this is not real - as i created this in my mind - and that i am here as breath in every moment - i simply live as who i am - equal to all that exist.

Repetition of a 'negative' word twice as 'Doubly bad'- 'hapak-hapak'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience the word 'hapak - hapak' - as doubly/very bad because the word is repeated twice -connecting the word 'hapak' to bad and 'hapak-hapak' as very bad.

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Polarity Definition as Good and Bad:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i split me into 2 by defining me within the polarity of the words 'good' and 'bad'

Polarity Definition as Right and Wrong:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i split me into 2 by defining me within the polarity of the words 'right' and 'wrong'

Polarity Definition as Positive or Negative

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself tobelieve that i split me into 2 by defining me  within the polarity of the words 'positive' and 'negative'

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"Best' and 'Worst'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the word 'best' is good and the word 'worst' is bad -

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 Fear that i will be the worst

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will be the worst person  - based on the definition i gave the word 'worst'' - and the experience i had of it - defining myself within a memory

Self-forgiveness for Connecting the word 'Best' to other Words - where i see the word as more than or less than me and me more than or less than the word - not seeing the word for what really is
Best and God
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word God

I forgive myself that  have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word God
Best and Guru

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word  guru

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word guru
Best and Dad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word dad
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word dad
Best and Grandmother

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word grandmother
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word grandmother
Best and Money

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word money
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word money
Best and Love

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word love
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within  the word love
Best and Fans
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word fans
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word fans
Best and Survive

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word best to the word survive
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word best within the word survive

Connecting the Word 'Worst' To Other Words - where i see the word as more than or less than me and me more than or less than the word

Worst and Best

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst to the word best
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst within the word best
Worst and Shoes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word  worst to the word shoes
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst within the word shoes
Worst and Clothes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst to the word clothes
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst within the word clothes
Worst and Asian

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst' to the word Asian
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst' within the word Asian
Worst and Poverty

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst'to the word poverty
Worst and 'Not Survive'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst to the words 'not survive'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst within the words 'not survive'
Worst and 'No Money'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst to the words 'no money'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst within the words 'no money'
Worst and Death

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word worst to the word death
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word worst within the word death
Worst and 'Non-Existence'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'worst' to the words 'non-existence'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and myself to define the word worst within the words 'non - existence'

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Self-forgiveness for Personality Systems participating In The Same Point That I am Participating In - putting it back to self -as them:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to - 'as the beauty industry' come up with contests like the Miss Universe Contest - which is a competition designed for profit - where contestants are being compared to one another - for someone to win - just so the 'BEST' will get the prize of being popular and be 'special' while the rest of the women suffer in poverty and does not even have clean water to wash their bodies - not realizing that giving to charity and supporting charity organizations - as an ambassadress will not stop the root of the problem - which is greed for profit - in an unequal monetary system - not realizing that unless we establish a new monetary system based on equality we will just be supporting the elite who owns the planes and the charity infrastructures that we utilize to help the poor -  not realizing that we will be damned and suffer as this world slowly but surely  collapse on our face - not realizing that participating in competition consumes life/substance  in favor of money and profit - as the mind uses mind energy which takes energy from the physical/substance.

I commit myself to expose the personality systems that support competition - in sports competitions, food competitions, beauty competitions, the Oscars awards, the Emmy awards  etc.- which compare and  judge the contestants - for the best - for a prize - for the sake of profit and self-interest.

I commit to through writing self-forgiveness and self-commitment to correct myself to assist me when and as i see myself  believing that i am splitting myself into 2 - to stop and breathe - and when and as i see myself going into doubt. uncertainty and anxiety -  i also stop and breathe  - realizing that deciding from a point of fear is of the mind - therefore i am not here. The ego-personality is here - defined by words i separated myself from like 'best', 'worst' , 'favorite' and 'careless' - which i connected to other words - based from my beliefs, judgments etc. - which made me see the words more than or less than what they are.  on doing something to be the best as a way to run from my fear

I commit myself to expose personality systems which i support having the same points like consumerism, the beauty industry, the entertainment industry etc.