Tao of Food Preparation Recipes

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Friday, December 21, 2012

Birthday Mathematics Part 1: Location: Day 224: Mothers: Blame: Space


  
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In this blog, i am looking at my relationship with birthdays in a 'family setting'
as recently my daughter celebrated her birthday

I am living in the US while she lives in the Philippines
so this is about 
perceiving a location within my mind
as better than another  location
within 'blame'

Thought Dimension

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 

to participate in the design of/as
 'fear of surviving - as space and time'

to think'I am not there to celebrate the birthday of my kids'

where within this thought i activate an entire character/personality

blaming the physical 

for creating one location
 the Philippine soil

as better than another
 the US soil

justifying that by saying
 ' i have to be a mom to my kids, i have to be there during their birthdays'

desiring to be present in my children's birthday events

not realizing that 
who i have become

is trapped within  time and space

not realizing that i am HERE as breath
in every moment
as all my kids and grand kids 
are HERE as breath in every moment
-
I commit myself to when and as i see myself 
blaming the physical 
for creating space and time
and me specializing one location over another
i stop
i breathe
i realize i am responsible for what i accept and allow in my world
existing as the mind
within fear of survival
 fearing my date of death
desiring life 
desiring birth days
fearing the day i will die

So i assist myself to accept and allow myself to see 
through the physical mind's eyes
without being deluded by what my mind's eyes see
as i time travel in different compartments within my mind
to see what is here
 as the soil in the Philippines
is made from the same substance 
the soil in the USA is made of

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Imagination Dimension

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as blame'

to imagine how difficult it is to be far away from my kids and grand kids

imagining a sad me within my mind

crying with tears in my eyes
then suppressing it
believing crying is a weakness

blaming the physical for creating tears

and within that put a picture within that thought



like a movie within my mind
-

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself
'as blame'

to blame the physical existence for

creating separation through distance, location etc.

not realizing it is me as the mind

as energy

within fear of death

within fear of survival

imagining 
 a 'mom having a relationship to her kids'
within/as my mind 
imagining
an individual in a relationship with another individual
perceived separate from oneself

thinking that my kids and grand kids are
 separate from me

not realizing that

all individuals in the family including me are all birthed here - all eating from the earth, all breathing the same air, all under the same sun 

where all bodies/physicals/substance
are equal to 
the body/physical/substance of the Philippine soil - as matter
where all  bodies/physicals/substance 
are equal to 
the body/physical/substance of the US soil - as matter
-

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 
'as blame'
to give one location in space
'as the soil in the Philippines'
 a value 
 'more than' Life
within/as my mind

where
Philippine soil = +10

and to give another location in space
'as the US soil'
a value
'less than' Life
within/as my mind

where
US soil = -10


thinking of me being separate from the soil
thinking of me being separate from my kids
thinking of me being separate from my grand kids

not seeing the real value 
or essential value of all that is here

where

Philippine soil = Life

 US soil = Life

Human body/physical/substance = Life
-

Backchat Dimension

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as blame'

to have a backchat/internal conversation

' My mom left me with my grandmother when we were young,

to study. It was sad, and i know this is sad for my kids too, but what can i do, i have to survive'

where within this i am using words 

within my mind

separate from me 

blaming my mom for leaving to study

which is essentially

blaming the physical/substance for creating separation
through creating time and space

not realizing it is me as the mind existing as energy

as who i have become 
trapped in time as the past, present and future
time travelling in different compartments in my mind 
as i think of the past, imagine, react etc.
fearing death 
fearing survival as an individual
 that has to be supported by my parents

fearing survival as an individual 
supporting my kids

so i am stopping time travelling in the past 
living the future in the present
within my mind
and birth me 
as
 who i really am

not defined by time and space

moving me as who i am as breath HERE 

referencing the moment

in this physical existence

and referencing HERE 
as the location
as 'where i am' 
 as 'where all are'
within/as myself
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Reaction Dimension

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 

'as blame' 
to react with sadness

when my kids and grand kids have birthday

and me not being present all these years

in celebrating those 

existing within fear of sadness

doubting myself when i am sad 

blaming  the physical for making me sad

having the excuse that i have to survive and be happy

as mom to my kids and grand kids

justifying that by saying 'i want to be whole - having a family of my own'

within self-interest desiring to survive as an individual

desiring to survive as the mother of my kids 

and grand mother to my grand kids 

believing that i have to survive in a family unit

to ensure my survival within an idea of a 'happy family'
an idea that i made up within/as my mind

not realizing it is me

as the mind fearing being sad

doubting myself

blaming the physical 

making an excuse and justifying my existence as energy

so it is me stopping  my fears
it is me stopping blame

it is me that is taking self-responsibility

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Behavior Dimension

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 

'as blame' to use the mind to manipulate the body 

to justify my desire to exist and survive

as a family 

as my stomach tightening 
having anxiety
 having a fast heartbeat

then suppressing these reactions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself
'as suppression'

to suppress my tears from falling on my cheeks
so i will not be sad - not shed tears
 as i fear being sad 
and showing sadness

essentially blaming the physical/body for creating tears

having the excuse that i have to show strength
and not weakness 
by crying
judging those who cry as weak

not realizing it is me as the mind 

as the evil me

existing within fear, suppressing that 
and blaming the physical

abdicating taking self-responsibility

perceiving me separate from all

within me as the mind 

 and my interpretation of what is here

within knowledge and information separate from me 
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Consequence Dimension


I have seen, realized and understand what the consequence of
giving a value more than life to a day and giving other days  a value less than life
so i will introspect it and investigate it and make it a blueprint for self-change to get to know how it is i get to who i am, what i am and where i am
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Commitment to Correction

I commit myself to when and as i see myself 

blaming the physical for who i have become 

as the mind

I stop 

I breathe

I realize i am the creator and the created
creating my fears etc.
in 'my within' as the mind 
creating this unequal world system
as 'my without'

so i am assisting myself to take self-responsibility
to/as all parts of me as life



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