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My Food and Nutrition Blog Site:
http://foodandnutritionjunejourneytolife.blogspot.com/
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Reference
In my last blog, i looked at 'my fear of mathematics' and how instead of looking at that fear and learning mathematics, ' i desired having a relationship with DSS' because he's good at Math as 'the easy way out' . I' fell into the mind trap' rather than look at being intimate with self first and then having an agreement with another as me.
I touched on the thought dimension of 'fear of being alone' - which is the 'alone' personality in that blog. In this blog, i am looking at the imagination dimension of this personality - which 'i tried to run away from' - as a way to take self-responsibility to face my fear.
I decided to write about the mathematics of 'falling in love' as i am equalizing with the word 'mathematics' and looking at who i am within 'relationships'.
I am writing about the imagination dimension - imagining having a 'good relationship' with DSS when i was in high school - seeing that wanting a relationship comes from my 'fear of being alone'.
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I am writing about the imagination dimension - imagining having a 'good relationship' with DSS when i was in high school - seeing that wanting a relationship comes from my 'fear of being alone'.
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Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 'as fear of being alone'
to imagine a picture of me being very happy
in the future in a relationship with DSS
when i saw him in high school
not realizing that this is me running away from me 'as fear of being alone'
in the future in a relationship with DSS
when i saw him in high school
not realizing that this is me running away from me 'as fear of being alone'
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Commitment To Correction
Commitment To Correction
I commit myself to when and as i see myself
imagining myself having a happy relationship
with someone
within 'fear of being alone'
imagining myself having a happy relationship
with someone
within 'fear of being alone'
I stop
I breathe
I realized i cannot run away from my fear
as who i have become as the mind
as who i have become as the mind
running away from my 'fear of being alone'
looking for the 'moreness of me'
in wanting/desiring a relationship to not face my fear
in wanting/desiring a relationship to not face my fear
So i am assisting myself to bring myself here
stomp my feet
clap once
and stabilize me as breath
slow myself down
breathe in - pause - breathe out - pause
look at the fear
look at the mind values i am giving the body/physical which are not real
stomp my feet
clap once
and stabilize me as breath
slow myself down
breathe in - pause - breathe out - pause
look at the fear
look at the mind values i am giving the body/physical which are not real
redefine the word alone and use it as equal to my spoken and written
expression
'From' thinking i am A LONE-ly individual separate from all that is here
'who needs to have a relationship with others' separate from me
'who needs to have a relationship with DSS' to 'not feel alone'
running away from looking at my fear
'To' birthing me here as A-ll as ONE as this one Life seeing all as me
to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective living
assist me to look at who i have become
as the mind as 'my within' and look at how i created this world system of inequality
as 'my without' which i created ALONE
taking responsibility for all parts of me as life
birthing me here in equality and oneness with/as Life
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'From' thinking i am A LONE-ly individual separate from all that is here
'who needs to have a relationship with others' separate from me
'who needs to have a relationship with DSS' to 'not feel alone'
running away from looking at my fear
'To' birthing me here as A-ll as ONE as this one Life seeing all as me
to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective living
assist me to look at who i have become
as the mind as 'my within' and look at how i created this world system of inequality
as 'my without' which i created ALONE
taking responsibility for all parts of me as life
birthing me here in equality and oneness with/as Life
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The Mathematics of Giving Mind Values Vs Giving Value Equal to Life
DSS
I realized
i saw a potential of me surviving as a character/personality
in a relationship with DSS
where
i 'felt that he has the qualities i like in a man that will ensure my survival as a personality/character'
where i equated the following with mind values:
Intelligence = good at mathematics = +10
Sexy Man = Naughty but has an innocent look = desire to have sexual interaction with him = +10
Money = possibility of landing a good job if we get married + his dad and mom has money = +10
Family = my family know his family = +10
Looks handsome = in the future we will have good looking kids = +10
DSS = Boyfriend material = i will pursue a relationship with him = +50
-
rather than looking at
who i am
establishing a real relationship with the physical/body
being intimate with/as myself
and seeing DSS as
equal to who i am
as the body/physical/substance
I looked at him through my mind's eyes
and gave his looks etc. mind values
which are NOT REAL VALUES
as i made those values up within my mind
an alternate reality as an alternate version of me
instead of giving him a value equal to who i am as equal to = Life
realizing that the human's body/physical = Life
realizing that the body of nature = Life
realizing that the body of plants = Life
realizing that the body of animals = Life
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DSS
I realized
i saw a potential of me surviving as a character/personality
in a relationship with DSS
where
i 'felt that he has the qualities i like in a man that will ensure my survival as a personality/character'
where i equated the following with mind values:
Intelligence = good at mathematics = +10
Sexy Man = Naughty but has an innocent look = desire to have sexual interaction with him = +10
Money = possibility of landing a good job if we get married + his dad and mom has money = +10
Family = my family know his family = +10
Looks handsome = in the future we will have good looking kids = +10
DSS = Boyfriend material = i will pursue a relationship with him = +50
-
rather than looking at
who i am
establishing a real relationship with the physical/body
being intimate with/as myself
and seeing DSS as
equal to who i am
as the body/physical/substance
I looked at him through my mind's eyes
and gave his looks etc. mind values
which are NOT REAL VALUES
as i made those values up within my mind
an alternate reality as an alternate version of me
instead of giving him a value equal to who i am as equal to = Life
realizing that the human's body/physical = Life
realizing that the body of nature = Life
realizing that the body of plants = Life
realizing that the body of animals = Life
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