Public Speaking: Giving an Impromptu Speech: Self Forgiveness for a Mind Pattern

I saw a mind pattern here  that I want to correct and share with others. I did not prepare for the talk yet said 'yes' when asked, so I was thinking of the possible subjects and structure  of the talk in my mind before the talk.

I Don't Know What To Talk About' Mind Pattern:
>I did not know I am going to talk
>I want to push myself to talk
>but I do not have the outline of the talk
>If I have the outline I can work from that
>but I don't
>this is scary
>why did I say yes
>Maybe I should not have said yes

What I saw In This Mind Pattern:
There's fear of not knowing what to talk about. I am pushing myself to talk - which is a form of manipulation  - acting out my fear. There's also fear that I do not have the outline of my talk and fear of speaking in the moment. There's a belief that I can only talk if I have an outline. There's a belief that I will be scared if I speak without an outline. There's self-blame for saying 'yes' to speak without an outline. There's doubt that I can pull it together.

Self-forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to talk about before my speech creating conflict within myself and in so doing put the body in a state of stress instead of realizing that I can allow myself to be uncomfortable, forgive myself for creating conflict within myself by figuring out in my mind whether 'I can or I can't'.   I commit myself  to after writing self-forgiveness, correct my living by physically giving the speech as I  communicate who I am and my story of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to transcend my fear by acting out my fear - which is a way of manipulation, through giving a speech in a trembling voice and body instead of realizing I can stabilize myself by bringing myself here in physical reality, breathing in a stability and then giving the speech. I commit myself to identify the fear, forgive, correct and do the speech.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that not having an outline of my speech believing that through the outline, I can have a mental reference of what I will talk about so I can draw on that when I am speaking instead of realizing that  I do not need to go inside my mind when I am speaking. I commit myself to speak about what I see is the problem in this world and provide some solutions that worked for me aligned to what is mutually beneficial to all - humans, plants, animals etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking in the moment, believing that the structure of the speech should be known before I speak instead of realizing that this is what I learned from others and therefore this is information that was not tested by me. So, I commit myself to speak about something that I walked and tested where I give a message - my story of how I changed - that is aligned to what is mutually beneficial to all concerned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having an outline is better than having no outline - within an idea that a structured speech will be better understood by others rather than realize that understanding is based from knowing the nature and meaning of something within my own living - where they can observe how I live the words I speak and how i align it to what is best for all - which others can truly understand as inherent in my nature as a human lies the nature of other humans. So I commit myself to speak about the problems and the solutions I have applied in my life that worked for me in my speech.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be scared if I speak without an outline - having heard others say this instead of realizing that a speech is me communicating my own story of change to others. So I commit myself to talk about what I have walked, what I saw and how I changed - realizing that since I walked this, I can draw on my experience whenever I decide to - as this is an integral part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for saying 'yes' to speak - believing that because it is an impromptu speech, I can ran out of things to talk about, and when that happens, I will be shamed and will be disliked by the audience instead of realizing this is me projecting my own fear of being shamed and fear of being disliked to others. So, I commit myself to forgive and release these fears and when I see myself blaming myself within my mind for saying 'yes' to giving a speech - I stop, breathe and bring myself back here in physical reality, forgive and correct myself, then give a speech when I am stable and clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I can pull an impromptu speech together believing that I am not good enough to deliver a speech in front of lawyers and educated people fearing that they will judge me as inferior instead of realizing that this is me projecting my own fears to others. So, I commit myself to forgive judging myself, correct and breathe through the perceived discomfort and push myself to give an impromptu speech.

Living My Utmost Potential 14: What Is A Craving?

Links To Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-desteni-of-living-my-declaration-of_30.html

I was sharing my story of change to the audience here which is sharing what i found out about what a craving is. I did not have any prepared speech. I just stood there and talked about whatever comes up.

As his is also a moment to moment walking, I am sharing the points I saw in my talk here through looking at my mind or thought pattern - to assist others.

                                           'Why Is The Sound of My Voice Different'?  Mind Pattern

>there is something wrong with the sound of my voice 

>It has a higher pitch than normal
>my voice tonality  is not my normal pitch 
>I normally get into this pitch when I am reacting to what someone said? 
> the tone of my mom's voice when she talks a lot sounds like this
>I do not like it when she talks at that tone
>I found it irritating in my ears

Here in this mind pattern, there is fear that the sound of my voice is different - which i believed was having a higher pitch than normal. I associated  my definition of a normal voice pitch to a certain vocal tone (that of a polished speaker that I saw in the media - like presidents and leaders of community groups) that I defined as better than a high pitched voice which i did through association. I associated the high pitched vocal tone with the voice of my mom when she was talking lengthily which irritated me - which is a projection of my own judgment of the tone of my voice when I react to what was being said by another who I am in communication with .

Self-forgiveness  

Living My Utmost Potential 13: What is Health?

Links To Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-desteni-of-living-my-declaration-of_30.html

I wanted to communicate here what I found out about the word 'Health'. I initially believed that 'Health' means 'absence of disease'. So, I tried to evolve myself in my mind as someone who is following a 'healthy diet', without realizing that my starting point was 'fear of disease' and in my 'eating healthy', I was not seeing 'health' as what it is. In my redefinition, 'Health' is the alignment of physical, mental and social well-being of man to what is mutually beneficial to all. I communicated this change in my redefinition and my story of how I changed to the audience. 

As this is a moment by moment walking, I saw a mind pattern here that I want to correct in the next coming blogs and share with others. I did not prepare for the talk yet said yes when asked, so I was thinking of the possible subjects to talk about in my mind before the talk.

I Don't Know What To Talk About' Mind Pattern:
>I did not know I am going to talk
>I want to push myself to talk
>but I do not have the outline of the talk
>If I have the outline I can work from that
>but I don't
>this is scary
>why did I say yes
>Maybe I should not have said yes

What I saw In This Mind Pattern:
There's fear of not knowing what to talk about. I am pushing myself to talk - which is a form of manipulation. Then, acting out my fear. There's also fear that I do not have the outline of my talk and fear of speaking in the moment. There's a belief that I can only talk if I have an outline. There's a belief that I will be scared if I speak without an outline. There's self-blame for saying yes to speak without an outline. There's doubt that I can pull it together.

Self-forgiveness and Self-Correction

The Accident 3 : How Will I Survive This?

                                 

                                    The Accident Part 1

                                 http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-and-breath.html

                                                

                                     The Accident Part 2

                                      http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-theres-something-wrong.html

===

                                                  Here is a mind pattern i spotted after our car accident last Dec. 17,                                                          2014.

                                                  How will I survive this? Mind Pattern

                                                    >my phone has no battery power
                                                    >how can we call someone?
                                                    >I better borrow a cell phone from someone
                                                    >so i can call a cab to bring us home
                                                    >but I am embarassed
                                                    >because I will be bothering them
                                                     >where is my purse?
                                                     >we are not going to be able to do what we need to do tonight
                                                    >what a waste of time
                                                    >we are not going to be able to drive home
                                                    >who will bring us home?
                                                    >I do not like accidents
                                                   
What I can see in this mind pattern:
Here, there is fear of being cut off from life - by not being able to communicate with someone using a cell phone/telephone. There's a fear that if i ask someone to lend me their cell phone, they will think that I will call long distance even if I wont -within doubt. There is also fear that my purse was lost - so fear that I will not be able to call a cab to go home and blame the accident for not being able to go where we need to go. Because of all these perceived difficulties going on in my mind, there is a general fear of having accidents. There also exist blame - believing that the accident stopped me from doing what I set ut to do. Here, I defined mself as a victim rather than someone who is self-directive so I will correct myself by first forgiving myself and then writing a commitment to correct myself in how I live my life.


                                                 What is Self-forgiveness? 
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self 
to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath. 

Writing Self-forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being cut off from life by not being able to communicate with someone during an accident where I cannot use my phone rather than see that I am here as breathe in every moment moving me and expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarassed to borrow a cell phone from the lady next to me in the hospital believing that she might think I will use her phone to call long distance even if I will not - within doubt, which is a projection of what I think (my doubting others) when strangers borrow my cell phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my embarassment through the belief that I will be bothering her by borrowing her cell phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when faced with an accident, blame my cell phone for the difficulties I am facing during an accident

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not seeing my purse after the accident, believing that if it's lost, I cannot have access to money  in my purse, therefore, I will not be able to buy food or pay for whatever I need (like a cab) to get home

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless, hopeless and useless in an accident and without a cell phone instead of realizing that I created these definitions in my mind - of 'cell phones' and 'accidents' based from fear so I can release these fears, redefine these words and commit to assist myself - and live the word 'stability', when faced with difficulty, change or pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the driver of the car, the car, and the the circumstance - the accident, for not being able to do what I set out to do that day the accident happened, instead of realizing that I have to embrace life and allow for changes in my daily schedule when external changes present itself in my world and realize that I create my 'within and without' - so instead of blaming others, take self-responsibility by  looking and releasing my mind's fears and desires including providing myself with physical necessities I need to live in a stable way using common sense.

Commitment To Correct Myself
Script

I commit myself to bring myself back here in the physical when I see myself creating fear of accidents in my mind where I interpret living as an individual separate from other individuals that needs to communicate or gossip to be connected instead of realizing that the cells are communicating with each other without cell phones/telephones which points to the reality that I need to develop an equal and one relationship to sound.

I commit myself to redefine the word 'accident'
From (Word Web)
Anything that happens suddenly or by chance without an apparent cause

To

Anything that happens suddenly which I defined as an external event presenting itself to be corrected so one can take self-responsibility and realize what one create one can un-create so one can live as 'stability' in ones world.

I commit myself to redefine the word 'telephone'

From (Word Web)

Electronic equipment that converts sound into electrical signals that can be transmitted over distances and then converts received signals back into sounds

To

Electronic equipment that converts sound into electrical signals that can be transmitted over distances and then converts received signals back into sounds which is used to transmit messages

that is aligned to what is best for all life.

I commit myself to redefine the word 'sound'

From (Word Web)

The particular auditory effect produced by a given cause

The subjective sensation of hearing something

To

The sensation of hearing something being/as part of the whole - that is life, where I am fully present as the breath, in every moment, hearing the auditory effect produced by a given physical body/cause that is a part of the whole - which I am a part of .

The Accident 2: 'There's Something Wrong with My Body' Mind Pattern

   

                                               We had an accident last Dec. 17, 2014. Here is a mind pattern that I                                                spotted when it happened.

                                               The Accident Part 1

                                         http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-and-breath.html

                                                
                                                The Accident Part 2
                                                There's something wrong with my body' Mind Pattern
                                                >I better get out of the car because this car might turn into flames                                                           (fear)
                                                >I am a little bit dizzy
                                                >and I am walking in an unstable way
                                                >my chest is painful and different parts of my body feel sore
                                                >my neck is a little bit stiff
                                                >I better get a medical check - up in the nearest hospital (fear)
                                                >so I will know if there's any part of my body that is damaged (fear)
                                                >I don't want to be alone in this hospital (fear)
                                                >plus the medical expense will be too much (fear)
                                                >I will just go home and put cold compress to the sore body parts
                                                >then i will see a chiropractor, that is cheaper (survival)
                                                >have an x-ray and get him to give me a bone/skeleton adjustment

What is Self-forgiveness? 

It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self 

to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, 

positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or 

someone that leads to stability as breath. 

Writing Self-forgiveness Statements 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear damaging my body in an accident
believing that it will be painful - fearing pain and so desires comfort and within that, desire to be healthy believing that if I am healthy, I will be free from bodily harm and disease which translates to the need to support our business to earn money - within fear of survival .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear high hospital bills and project this into the future, believing it is unnecessary to pay high hospital bills - as we can give our body support through adjustments and massage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a body and identity believing that I do not have a memory of me without a body - so not knowing how to express myself as such

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a memory of who I have become as a personality that I defined myself within  - where I  experience myself in my mind reacting to my internal and external environment that I perceived separate from me seeking a positive experience from a perceived negative or fear of lack - which is where the positive is created, rather than be here as breath in every moment expressing myself as such.

I commit myself to assist in establishing a world that gives everyone equal access to what is given to all of us equally by the earth - a world where all are given the basic necessities to survive to live in dignity and where survival is not being negotiated or worked for - but is assured - realizing that the value of all that is here is equal to life.

Youtube Link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJrj8_DyCJ4&index=22&list=PL_ddDRG9N-9VT6GItjXBH_KV7vayJ41ok

I commit myself to develop an equal and one relationship with my body.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself fearing not having a body, I stop and breath. I bring myself back here and put my palm on top of my heart - listening to my heart beat and realize it is the heart beat of the physical existence which remains and which I am a part of - as Life.

 I commit myself to redefine the word body

From
Word Web
The entire structure of an organism (an animal, plant, or human being)

To
The entire structure of an organism (an animal, plant or human being) which extends to or includes the internal and external structure that consist of parts of this one life - as all that is here in this physical existence living or non-living.

Living My Utmost Potential 12: Speaking In Public 1: Nervousness: Who am I?

I pushed myself to talk about who I am as a part of the whole and why that is important. I shared my story of change in front of people  for the first time. I am posting this as part of my Living my Utmost Potential Series. 

Links To Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential

http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-desteni-of-living-my-declaration-of_30.html

As this is a moment by moment process, I am also going to look at some points (nervousness) about speaking in public. When I was giving this speech, I was nervous. I would like to look at my mind pattern here.

'I am Nervous' Mind Pattern

>I am speaking before a new audience 

>they expect me to deliver a perfect speech 

>but I am not going to say what they want to hear 

>so I am sure they will not like my speech

Here, I have an idea of what the audience wants me to speak in a perfect manner

I believed that they were expecting me to talk about something

they like, which is not real. I was really projecting my own fear of speaking in public to them and then doubting myself in in my ability to entertain them.

What is Self-forgiveness? 

It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self 

to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath. 

Writing Self-forgiveness Statements 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea that the audience expect me to deliver my talk in a perfect way instead of  realizing this is me 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that they are expecting me to say something they like to hear

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of what other people like to hear, believing that what I am going to talk about will not interest them therefore, judging what I would say before I am able to say it, which is me projecting my own fear of being disliked to them.

I forgive myself to doubt my ability to communicate myself with others - using words used to entertain others rather than an expression of my story of change through  speaking

in stability communicating about what is best for all life - humans, animals, plants etc.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself fearing being disliked when speaking in public, I stop and breathe and bring myself back here realizing that I can live confidence - as who I am - and instead of thinking about entertaining the public,  speak in confidence about my story of how I change from being an individual driven by self-interest to someone who is standing for what is best for all. as I speak.

The Accident Part 1: The Breath

The Accident Part 2

                            http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-theres-something-wrong.html

The Accident Part 3

                                http://junejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-accident-3-how-will-i-survive-this.html

 We had an accident last December 17 2014. It was raining and  Leon was driving. A car showed up from the intersection and there was not enough time to stop according to Leon, who was the one driving - so the accident. I am writing what went on in my mind during that incident as a mind pattern. I will focus on breathing in this blog. I had difficulty breathing after the accident so I am forgiving and correcting myself here.

                                                       'I can't Breathe' Mind Pattern
                                                      >That's Leon shouting
                                                      >what just happened?
                                                      >There was an accident!
                                                      >I can't breathe even if I try to
                                                      >let me try again
                                                      >I still can't breathe
                                                      >what is going on?
                                                      >calm down and be here
                                                      >do not try to force it
                                                      >Oh, I can breathe now

Here, I was forcing myself to breathe which is me separating myself from the breath.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

Writing Self-forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to the memory of how to breathe and so force myself to get into that experience i have in my mind, rather than move myself in that moment and work with what is here - as who I am as the breathe in this body.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of me as breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself to breathe to survive rather than be here as breath in every moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself unaware of physical reality as I go inside my mind when an accident happen, I bring myself here as who i am as breath

I commit myself to accept and allow me to develop a equal and one relationship with/as the breath.

I commit myself to redefine the word 'breath':

From a mind definition
The process of taking in and expelling air during breathing

To
the process of inhaling and exhaling as an expression of myself in this body in every moment

'I Want To Eat Small Portions' Mind Pattern

'I Want To Eat Small Portions' Eating Mind Pattern
>I want to eat a lot of the food I like
>but I will get fat
>so I better eat smaller portions
>I will make small cakes

Here, there is desire to eat larger portions of the food i like, a belief  that i will get fat when i do that, an idea that I should eat smaller portions, and me manipulating my way into getting slim through making smaller cakes.

The desires, beliefs, ideas that I have and how i manipulate myself to get what i desire - which is becoming slim, is based from fear of being fat. This is not a self-directive way of eating based from my own observations of what i eat and its relationship with my blood sugar levels. I am relying from information coming from others that i cannot trust because our body has different DNA make-ups.

What is Self-forgiveness?

It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative - as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath. 

Writing Self-forgiveness Statements:

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to eat a lot of the food I like believing that food is here for entertainment purposes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i will get fat when i eat a lot of the food that i like believing that it has a lot of sugar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the idea that if i eat smaller portions of the food I like, I will not get fat as per information i heard from others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the amount of food I eat so that i will be slim believing that i am beautiful when i am slim and ugly when I am fat instead of realizing that I am going in my mind and having a subjective view of reality - a judgment based on a fear (fear of being ugly) which is not what is really going on in physical reality considering that my body has a different DNA make-up. It can present itself in a certain shape, with a certain fat content etc. and can present itself as having a certain weight.

I commit myself to bring myself back here, stop, and breathe when and as I see myself going into this mind pattern and correct myself by looking at how my body's blood sugar is responding to the portion of food i eat, be aware of what I eat and decide the amount of that food I can eat that will not cause a danger situation in my body's functioning based on practical methods and as per what is available to me in terms of gadgets

I commit myself to accept and allow me to see my body as what it is - a vessel for me as the breath to express myself as a part of the whole - that is life, and so use it as that.