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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Sex: Dimensions of My Mind: Day 268: Backchat: DRD

In this blog i am looking at the Backchat Dimension 
I am including a brief outline of the mind dimensions i will be working on
at the first part of this blog for reference purposes.
The details of the backchat dimension is private. The details will not be written in this blog
but i will do self-forgiveness and commitment statements here
correcting myself as in, writing a script that will guide me in my living participation

Topic: Sex

Dimensions of The Mind:

The Conscious Mind:

Thought: me being touched by the man who i am in a relationship with,  in the nipple

Imagination: the nipple hardening and my jade gate secreting fluid with the hard jade stalk inside my jade gate going in and out in a slow but firm motion alternating with deep thrusts and shallow thrusts that drives me to a point of orgasm

The Subconscious Mind: 

Backchat: (I decided to keep the details of this  private)
Reaction: me satisfied and happy feeling ecstatic- like a complete woman
The Unconscious Mind:

Body Movement: my head turning right and left, screaming intermittently, gasping for my breath

I am doing self-forgiveness and writing a commitment to correction script in this blog
specifically on the Backchat  Dimension.

Self-forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 
to participate in the design of
'fear of survival - as information and knowledge - as energy - as physical/body - as movement'

have internal conversation within my mind 
of how i feel when i do not have a relationship 
no one to kiss - no tongue playing with my tongue - no warm saliva coming in my mouth
no one to embrace - male's body pressed against mine
no one to touch my body and no body to touch 
no 'jade stalk' hardening that i can hold or that is thrusting within my 'jade gate'

where this feeling of nothingness 
gives me a negative energy experience

so, within my mind i have internal conversations 
about who i can possibly attract
to have a relationship with me
so I can have someone to kiss  
the warm saliva coming in my mouth 
where a male's tongue is playing with my tongue

to have a male to embrace me
his body pressed against mine
to have a male touch my body
to have a male's body next to me i can touch

to be able to hold a hard male's 'jade stalk
and feel it within my 'jade gate'
thrusting fast and slow
deep or shallow

where within this action happening
i get a positive energy experience

believing that within sex 
i can feel the 'moreness' of me 
as a female personality

within my mind
creating a series of pictures telling a story
a picture of DRD 
and the energy experience of when we were having sex
which gave me pleasure 
which gave me a positive energy experience

not seeing and realizing that
when I participate in my mind
in internal conversations
there is a
consequential outflow
where the body is being resourced 
to transform physicality to energy
so the mind can exist
just like a laptop
connected to the socket on the wall
to get some electricity flowing 
to the computer so the computer can have power 

instead of realizing that
i am here as breath
in every moment
and that i can be here
fearing not having a relationship with a male
desiring a relationship with a male

that i can develop self-intimacy
being intimate with/as my body
developing an equal and oine relationship with my body
and enjoying me as breath  here

Commitment to Correction: Script

I commit myself to when and as I see myself
having internal conversation within my mind
how good having sex with DRD is
how I miss having that same sexual  ecstasy with DRD

I stop
I breathe

I realized that when I have internal conversations within my mind
I take pictures from the past
and the positive energy experience of me and DRD
and then from that I compare
my present experience
so when I am not in a relationship with anyone  - or when I am alone
desiring to have those back
missing those positive energy experiences
hoping that I will find someone like him'
to give me those positive energy experiences again
hoping to have a new relationship

or when in a relationship
compare that to the my positive energetic experience
with DRD in the past

leaving what is here as this physical reality
and going within an alternate reality
in my mind
having internal conversations
using words that I defined according to
mind values I had given words
connected to other words and defined within other words
separating myself from words
abusing words  within my mind

not seeing and realizing
that I sound the script of my life within words
that I write the book within myself through words
and as I charge words with positive and negative values
just like I give value to cents, dollars and dimes
in a casino where I try to win when I lose
I do the same thing with words

all from the starting point of self-interest
me desiring to win
me desiring a positive energy experience

instead of realizing that
the definition I give words
is how I see myself, others and this world

I assist myself to look at
why I have given a positive value
to when DRD have sex with me
and have an internal conversation about that within my mind
holding on to that picture
believing that I will relive that
positive energy experience
when I have internal conversations
about it in my mind

so i assist myself to look at the problem
and seeing that
it is to relive a positive experience
to get out of a negative experience

of not having a relationship with any male
or having a relationship where I have a relationship
with someone who does not give me that positive energy experience

I correct myself in my living participation
realizing that the reward of me not participating in my mind
is me here, as breath, in every moment
moving me
expressing me
enjoying myself
within self-intimacy
able to have physical interaction
with myself or another as me
fully aware of my movements
fully aware of physical sensations
as breath here
in an agreement with an equal

I assist myself to wake myself up
and be with the pulse of my heart
feeling my pulse
clapping once
stomping my feet
bring myself back here
stabilize me as breath

and rewrite the book that is myself
redefine words relating to the internal conversations
identify my fears, reactions etc.
forgive and correct myself
take myself by the hand
unconditionally caring for myself
within self-intimacy
walk back and see how I defined myself into creation
so as I walk forward
as I redefine words
I redefine myself
to birth myself here as equal to all that exist

The Mathematics of Giving Positive and Negative Values
Vs Giving Values Equal to Life

I realized that I have given positive and negative
values to words
'as in

Positive Values:
more pressure = +100
movement = +100
nipples = +100
dance = +100
harmony = +100
sucking = +100
thrusts = +100
enjoy = +100
desire = +100
love = +100
hard = +100
similarity =+100
connect = +100

where the mind equation is:

more pressure exerted by DRD's body on my body than the pressure exerted by me on his body = he loves me more = +100
more harmony in DRD's  movement and my movement = dance of Love/compatible = +100
more times he sucked my nipples  = desires me more = +100
more thrusts of the 'jade stalk' into my 'jade gate' = he is enjoying having sex with me = +100 
more similarity in what I do to DRD and what DRD does to me =  we connect = +100

Negative Values:
less pressure = -100
disharmony = -100
incompatible = -100
no desire = -100
less thrusts = -100
less sucking = -100
less similarity = -100
no connection = -100

where the mind equation is:

less pressure exerted by a male's body than the pressure I exert on another male's body = loves me less = -100
disharmony in another male's movement with my movement when having sex = dance made in hell/incompatible = -100
less times another male sucked my nipple = does not desire my body = -100
less thrusts of another male's 'jade stalk' in my 'jade gate' = he is not enjoying sex with me = -100
less similarity in what another male does to me when having sex, compared  to what I do to him = we don't connect = -100'

Not seeing and realizing that I have given mind values that are not real
not seeing and realizing that I have made mind equations that are not real

Realizing that
Movement = Life
Nipple = Life
'Jade gate' = Life
'Jade stalk' = Life
Body/Physical = Life
Hand = Life
Tongue = Life
Touch = Life

All = Life

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