Tao of Food Preparation Recipes

Tao of Food Preparation Recipes
'Living' E-book

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Sex: Dimensions of My Mind Day 269: Reactions: DRD

In this blog i am looking at the Reaction Dimension 
I am including a brief outline of the mind dimensions i will be working on
at the first part of this blog for reference purposes.
I am writing self-forgiveness for mind participation  here
and commitment statements
to correct myself - writing a script that will guide me in my living participation

Topic: Sex

Dimensions of The Mind:

The Conscious Mind:

Thought: me being touched by the man who i am in a relationship with,  in the nipple

Imagination: the nipple hardening and my jade gate secreting fluid with the hard jade stalk inside my jade gate going in and out in a slow but firm motion alternating with deep thrusts and shallow thrusts that drives me to a point of orgasm

The Subconscious Mind: 

Backchat: (I decided to keep the details of this  private)
Reaction: me satisfied and happy feeling ecstatic- like a complete woman
The Unconscious Mind:

Body Movement: my head turning right and left, screaming intermittently, gasping for my breath

I am doing self-forgiveness and writing a commitment to correction script in this blog
specifically on the Reaction  Dimension.

Self-forgiveness Statements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to participate in the design of
'fear of survival - as movement -as temperature - as energy'
fear feeling sad, incomplete and unsatisfied
desiring to have good sex with a male who knows how to give me pleasure
So, reactingwithin feeling happy, complete and satisfied
having sex with DRD
being touched at the points I wanted to be touched
being held the way I want to be held
having his saliva warm my mouth
when we kiss
and my tongue against his tongue
having his 'jade stalk'
inside my 'jade gate'
thrusting shallow and deep
fast and slow

the positive energy building up
starting from when he touched my nipples
to the time he kissed me
to the time he thrusts his 'jade stalk'
into my 'jade gate'
like a crescendo
that builds up to the point of orgasm
feeling satisfied, happy and complete
as a woman
as a female

believing that I can only get that happiness,
that feeling of being a complete woman
when I am in a relationship with DRD
as he is the only one who satisfied me in bed

believing he is special
believing I love him
believing I will not be complete without
a man like DRD

specializing him within my mind
as an individual separate from all

believing that even if he has a bad temper
and gets angry when he is jealous
pulling my hair to interrogate me asking
who called me that day
believing that because he is good in bed
that positive energy experience
is still more than  the negative experience
of when he gets physically abusive
and angry
believing that it is only when one loves someone that
one can react with anger
believing that when one does not care about someone
one does not care about what that someone does
so does not get angry
believing that that is a sign of too much love
when DRD gets angry at not finding out
who called me for the day
believing he loves me too much
and that he cares too much
connecting that to me being special
that someone cares about what I do
believing that that is not normal for men to get that jealous
and that being not normal
it is one of a kind
connecting that to me being one of a kind
a special woman being loved too much by DRD

believing that the physical abuse is a sign of love
believing that as a man
he cannot show his weakness
so he shows it through applying physical force
believing that physical force is a male energy
believing that this physical force complements the female's
softness and weakness
believing that it is a good thing

enjoying in one hand
the interplay of both that positive energy experience
of having sex in bed
and the negative experience
of when he becomes physically abusive
and on the other hand
feeling the physical pain
within my body

connecting that to a memory I had when I was young
of seeing my dad
embracing my mom when my mom is angry
and to get her out of anger
he would playfully embrace her
asking her, in a pretend angry tone:

'are you still angry?
If you are , i will throw you up the air!'
then he will laugh and both will be laughing together

seeing my mom gets amused with my dad's antics
laughing with my dad
and asking him to stop fooling around with her
believing that this interplay of positive and negative energy
is how one experience love

where the memory of my dad and mom
enjoying a positive and a negative experience
together in a relationship
directs me
rather than me directing me
not realizing that the positive comes from the negative
not realizing that the desire to be touched by DRD
comes from
fear of not having someone touching me
as I connected that to not being loved
not realizing that the desire to be held by DRD
comes from fear of not having someone to hold me to keep me safe
having connected it to loneliness and sadness
not realizing that the desire  to have a warm saliva inside my mouth
comes from fear of having a cold and dry mouth
having connected it to aloneness
not realizing that the desire to have his tongue 
playing with  my tongue
inside my mouth
comes from fear of not doing anything with my mouth
having connected it to boredom

not seeing and realizing that 
real love cannot be experienced
in the mind
nor physical sensations 
directed by the mind be real love
what is experienced in the mind are
positive and negative experiences
that has no real physical existence

REAL LOVE  is Life
one and equal to/as all
It does not require
participation in positive, neutral and negative energy experiences

It is to  realize that 
I am here as breath in every moment
moving me
expressing me
Commitment to Correction: Script
I commit myself to when and as I see myself
fearing being sad, incomplete and unsatisfied
when I do not have good sex with a male
fearing losing my female personality
I stop
I breath
I realize that it is me as the mind
it is who I have become as the mind
thinking about pictures
imagining pictures within my mind
having internal conversations about
positive, neutral and negative  energy experiences
I had in the past, people in the past etc
always wanting the 'moreness of me'
in an alternate reality
within my mind
So, I assist myself to
accept and allow me to develop
a one and equal
relationship with my body
and see that I am here in a body
with trillions of cells
that I am here as the breath

Realizing that
fearing being alone
and fearing that I will lose my female personality
is an illusion I animate when I do not have a relationship/good sex with someone
is an illusion I made up within my mind
based on my fear of losing my female personality
within self-interest
to instead of fearing to lose that female personality
forgive and correct myself for defining myself within a limited
rather than stand for what is best for all

to instead of believing beliefs are real
forgive my beliefs
and correct myself in my living application

to instead of believing physical abuse is love
realize that
pain is real
and what I experienced
when DRD pulled my hair is real

realizing that real love is
not an idea within my mind
believing an individual separate from another
feels a positive energy experience when one haves sex with
another separate from oneself
it is  to assist myself to have an equal and one relationship
with/as the body/physical
enjoying me as breath here

to instead of having a relationship with another separate from me
assist and allow me to be  self-intimate with myself
to then have an agreement with another as an equal
interacting physically
as breath here
birthing oneself as life
assisting in establishing a world that truly honors life based on equality

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