Life Support
When I was young, I have lots of questions like 'who am I?'
This was what went on in my mind,
Mind Pattern:
>I do not know where I am
>Who created me?
>Why am I here?
>Who chose my mother and father for me?
>I have to survive even with no information about who i am?
>This is strange
>I feel disempowered
>my life is futile with no purpose
>I am uncertain this is a world that will not guarantee my survival
>So, I will just work my way through this uncertainty to survive
>Food is the one that I can depend on because my mom always cook what I want - the Philippine 'humba' (a sweet and sour pork dish with dried banana blossom)
>It is delicious because it has lots of sugar that makes it sweet
>It has vinegar that cuts through the sweetness
>the soft fleshy part with fat of the meat entertains my tongue
I was in my mind figuring things out.
I found out it is a matter of bringing me back here in physical reality and me changing, standing and living these principles that I stated that will define who I am, what I am, how I am etc..
There is fear of not surviving and fear of being in this world yet not knowing who i am, when I was a kid but i hid it within my mind and this fear fueled my desire for something that will give me power, life and energy.
Food was a source of entertainment, so it became my power source, my life source and my energy source - my primary source of survival.
My favorite dish was 'humba', a Filipino pork dish with vinegar, soy sauce, black pepper and lots of sugar, so I ate this dish that was cooked by my mom for me specifically. She used to ask me what I want for her to cook and that became my experience of 'love', and so I defined food within 'love' and 'family'.
When at times my mom had to go and attend a conference somewhere, my dad did not know how to cook, so he fed us this fried small dried fish called 'dilis' which i was not accustomed to because it has no taste, so I defined and attached food with a negative experience also.
These definitions create a conflict within myself because they were my mom and dad's definition of food that is used within bias, which I am using as my definition.
So, i am committing myself to redefining the word 'food' and in essence redefining myself - and is now in the process of living the redefined definition.
From being a vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, fruitarian etc., I am now eating all kinds of food and not limiting my food choices to any dietary restrictions. I realized that the solution is NOT in running away from food that I labeled as 'bad', but in releasing my fear of food that I believed as 'bad' and 'unhealthy' and so as I investigate my fears, release them and start seeing food as part of the whole - that is life, which I cannot judge or blame for making me feel bad and look bad or use to satisfy a craving, rather, an entity that is expressing here, birthed here - therefore my equal.
I have developed recipes that is not restricted to a certain diet but rather, created recipes out of what i eat that supported my body and can be eaten by others that needs recipes to support the body to survive which is part of the process of correcting my mind pattern which is about me seeing food as something that can satisfy my sweet or sugar craving and make me happy or blissful in the past. Here's my expanded definition of the word 'food':
I am doing investigation on sugar right now and I have just finished an e-book that is about what i eat with different recipes, where I lost 9 lbs. in the beginning and lost more as time goes by, which is not really about losing weight as a goal but rather a result of investigating my relationship with food after i stopped my 'healthy eating' craze where I saw my body having difficulty with movement because it was gaining weight. I realized food is not to blame. It is not about going from one diet to another but releasing our fears, the memories we connect them to, expanding and redefining words as equal to our expression of how we changed and having a self-intimate relationship with the body and all that is here which I am in the process of living.
I realized that when I write recipes it has to be something that is a part of my self-investigation process and correcting my relationship with food. It is not about just writing recipes that taste good and look good that appeals to those who crave food and recipes that taste good and look good because when we do that we project our limited definitions of ourselves - as our fears and cravings to food.
What's interesting is that I found out weight loss, weight gain and weight maintenance is not what I believed it to be. It is a number that we either deify or hide because of what we will get from it like us either becoming or perceiving ourselves as fit or fat - to be validated by others or within fear that we will be invalidated by them. I used the weighing scale as a reference point.
To show what i found out, I will have to use these numbers but they are not here to be deified or hidden because of a belief or judgment, they are here for us to use in whatever we do that will benefit all, same thing with my blood glucose or sugar readings.
I am uncovering many things in my investigation that does not support the belief systems I had when I was vegetarian, vegan, a raw foodist etc. and it is very interesting to see how I have changed from being in one corner of the earth eating only vegetables and at one time not eating and drinking (for 3 and 1/2 days) to seeing vegetables, fruits and animal meat as my equals living this one life and talking about not judging or blaming them as part of my self-correction in my self-perfection process. I enjoy that a lot.
Recently, i have prepared a no salt grass-fed beef burger and i have eaten it and I accepted and allowed myself to experience the taste of the beef without any added taste. That was an awakening for me and a realization: We have to experience the taste of beef as it is. We have to stop using food for entertainment. There's a lot to explore in this area where we can expand ourselves.
Today, I have created a cake and ate it with ground pork as a side and some creamed cauliflower. I will talk more about that when I finished putting together the recipe.
I realized that the utmost potential is not something that can be measured in terms of a 'superlative degree' because we are here as equals but rather, I see it as a possibility of developing an equal and one relationship with all that is here in 'my within' and 'my without' in this life and the next, to stand for what is best for all life - in all ways, which I am in the process of living.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having information and knowledge about who i am, what I am, how I am, when, why, and where I am believing that i cannot survive in a world where i do not have a story, an identity based on the uniqueness of me as an individual separate from all, so desiring to know and have information about who made me, what am i made of, how was i made, when was i made and why was i made, believing that if I know these things i can better live and express myself here, instead of seeing and realising that i am here as breath in every moment, yet i am in my mind asking and searching for answers rather than live as who i am here as the breath.
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have to have a purpose and that if i have none, I am disempowered, and it is futile living in this world without a purpose.
Through this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this world for not guaranteeing my survival instead of seeing and realizing that i have to take self-responsibility and assist in creating a world that truly honors life by blogging about solutions for change endorsing LIG
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cope rather than assist in creating effective change in this world - working my way through the uncertainty rather than change and stand for what is best for all - mutually benefitting all.
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use food to cope with the uncertainty in this world rather than use food as what it is - a substance that nourish the body.
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mom loves me because she cooks me my favorite 'humba' dish using the sweet and sour pork stew called 'humba' as object for my entertainment - something that will entertain my tongue within its soft gelatinous texture, sweet and sour taste,and the soft texture of its flesh, instead of seeing and realizing that this is food and therefore it should be used as such.
I commit myself to expand and redefine the word 'humba' as equal to my story of how i change
Humba
Sugar braised pork dish, where the pork ad the sugar is given a value equal to life
Phonology (Sounding words)
From
HUM BA-by
To
HUM B-ody A-ll nourished
Here are Some of The Links For Perspective:
21 Days Mind Investigation on Sugar
Physical Support
Awareness of How Much Sugar We Take: The Sugar Log Project
Physical Support
My Food and Recipes Blog
Relationship Support: Blogging with Partner
Leon's (My husband) 21 Days Mind Investigation on Sugar Blogs
Financial Support
https://juneroca.selz.com/
Relationship Support: Blogging with Partner
Leon's (My husband) 21 Days Mind Investigation on Sugar Blogs
Financial Support
https://juneroca.selz.com/
Life Support
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