Tao of Food Preparation Recipes

Tao of Food Preparation Recipes
'Living' E-book

Monday, June 4, 2012

2012: 'I Love Mess': Rebellion Against Organized Living The Split Part 10 Day 52




My 'Relationship'/Agreement Partner Blog About the Same Point:
Leon's Blog about Rebellion
http://leonperry.com/?p=2017&fb_source=message
'Relationship'/ Agreement Page:
 http://juneroca.com/relationships/

I am writing this blog because i saw me and my agreement partner, Leon, has the same point - which came out when i was pointing out - for him to remove his clothes on top of the bathroom counter. He said, what about yours? He pointed on a short pants - that did not belong to me. I put it on top for him to look at and put inside the laundry. So, i looked up at him , with my left eyebrow raised, and asked him - what's your starting point for asking me - 'competition? He said yes. He blogged about it to direct that point. I also looked at who i am - in what i said, so that instead of me making him wrong and making myself right, i will be able to correct myself.

During my childhood - my mom also said i was 'careless' because i was not folding my clothes properly and not putting them where they belong. I used to have backchats when she did that. Is this me rebelling? Is this me competing against her? I realized i was also doing exactly what Leon did. We have the same points.

The Favorite daughter rebelling against being called 'careless' - or not the best/worst :


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to REBEL against anyone that defines me as not the best - believing those saying i am 'careless' or not the best - (my mom saying i am careless - in our Visayan dialect-  'hapak-hapak' ) - is bad - and those saying i am the best - is good.

*I commit myself to - when and as i see myself rebelling against anyone that defines me as not the best - believing that those saying i am careless is bad and those saying i am the best is good -  i stop - i breathe.

 I see/realize and understand  that i participate in energetics when i do this - defining myself within friction and balance - good and bad - right or wrong - best and worst - 'favorite and careless' - giving life to the limited ego-personality - where the mind directs me - giving me a seemingly real existence - where i defined life as energy - friction and balance. I  stop participating  because this is not what is best for me - as i am not defined by energy - i am that which is equal to all that exist - i stop participating because this is not what is best for all - as  i can see that i am supporting rebellion and war in the society.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mom, AR

I forgive myself to DOUBT who i am - when my mom calls me 'careless'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be UNCERTAIN about who i am when my mom calls me 'careless'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have ANXIETY when my mom calls me 'careless'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being called 'careless'

I forgive myself to FEAR - NOT being the 'BEST' in my family

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to - within living in FEAR -BLAME substance for having to live that way - in constant doubt and uncertainty - which gives me anxiety - with the excuse that i have  to survive as the ego-personality - so justify living an energetic existence - where i  only understand me - according to my movement in relation to friction - between the mind and body - polarity of 'best and worst' - 'favorite and careless' - defining myself within polarity and balance -  not realizing that i am here in every moment of breath - expressing me here - within self- movement - not defined by energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect my mom saying i am careless - without anger, just a sigh, = is her, loving me - and not caring about my imperfections - so it is okay to be careless and live the definition in my life - of both polarities- wanting and asking others to be organized, organizing the pantry and then disorganizing it, wanting vacations -going to places without having to work- being relaxed and spending the day lazily basking under the sun and/or the moon at night, working at home, reading lying down etc.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the polarity of mess and no mess- organized and not organized - as i identify as the ego - existing as energy - within polarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rebel against organized living - believing it is normal and messy living is special- and believing normal is boring and special is energizing - defining myself within normal and  not normal/special - boring and energizing  - as i identify as the ego-personality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare what my mom say to what i believe - and judge what my mom say as bad and what i believe is good - judging my mom as less than me and me more than my mom - existing within competition - designed through comparison, judgment and jealousy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite substance/life within not taking self-responsibility within blame giving the excuse and justification that i have to feel good - within not taking self-responsibility and rebel - not realizing that within this - i judged rebellion as more than self - where i abused self in favor of me as energy within feeling good.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe freedom is living life as how i want to live it (good) - and believe control is not living life the way i want to live  (bad )-  as i identify as the ego - defined by freedom and control - in favor of feeling good - which is in fact me saying i defy life and glorify the energy i get from feeling good - not realizing that this energy is taken from the body's energy - where i,  in essence consume the body's energy for mind energy use - which is abuse of substance/life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify not taking self-responsibility for all parts of me as life -  not putting clothes where they belong - seeing them as less than me - because they are 'non-living things' - not realizing i am equal to all that exist - as we all come from the same substance all are made of - which includes clothes - and all 'non-living things'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support personality systems - the fashion industry, the entertainment industry etc. that participate in the same points i am participating - creating a world that abuses life/substance

Stopping the subconscious mind:

Backchat: 'I hate her'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom when she says i am 'careless'
- within backchat
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to COMPARE what my dad said - which was 'you are my palangga' (or favorite daughter) - to what my mom used to say, ' you are careless'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE my mom as more than me when she said  i was 'careless' - and judge me as more than her


Back chat: 'she will say i am 'careless' again
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my mom starts talking about the broken plate - she will say i am 'careless' again

Reaction: Suppressing answering back
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mom by suppressing  myself from answering back
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that answering back is wrong - because it is wrong according to the Filipino family culture - that i grew up with

Stopping the Unconscious Mind:

Body movement: 
Raising left eyebrow:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express judgment that my mother is more than me and i am less than her - by raising my left eyebrow
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express sarcasm about what my mother is saying - by raising my left eyebrow


 Body Movement:
 Pulling the left side of my mouth in and up:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express judgment that my mom is more than me and i am less than her - by pulling the left side of my mouth in and up
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express sarcasm to my mom - by pulling the left side of my mouth in and up



Where did this Happen: Kitchen
My mom was in the kitchen cooking something on a stainless steel 2 burner stove. I was standing up at the right side of the kitchen table - which was about 3 meters away from her.

===
How I Created this World:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the fashion industry' judge clothes as less than life - so use clothes as commodity to be exchanged for money - not realizing clothes are fabrics that come from the earth - so in essence abuse substance/earth/life in favor of money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the elite' judge clothes as more than me because it can enhance how i look - so i use it to feel good about who i am - defining myself within the polarity of beauty and ugliness - and using clothes to beautify myself to increase my value - because i judged myself as less than life - using clothes to make me beautiful - and using money to add value to who i believed i am - as i identify as the ego-personality defined by money or no money - where i abuse clothes and money - which are manifestations of substance/life - in favor of feeling good - which i get when i have nice clothes and a lot of money

I forgive myself for allowing an unequal monetary system where dressmakers have to work to earn money making clothes - where the produce of the earth is consumed - plants becomes fabric that is exchanged for money - not realizing that it is possible to establish an equal money system where people do not make money out of produce from the earth - rather, everything and everyone will be given value = life - and dressmakers will make clothes as an expression of themselves
===
Self-Correction in every moment: 
Self-Commitment
I commit myself to through writing self-forgiveness and self corrective application - assist me to stop the mind and birth me here as life - and birth a world that truly honors life

I commit myself to show how we abuse life/substance in favor of energy - or feeling good

I commit myself to - when and as i see myself rebelling against organized living in favor of living in a disorganized way - i stop and breathe - and stop participating because it is not best for me and not best for all

I commit myself to - when and as i see myself defining myself within the polarity of control and freedom - stop and breathe and correct my starting point - by saying 'i am here' - and within self-honesty - write, do and say - from that starting point - and stop participating in manifesting this polarity equation because this is not best for me and not best for all

I commit myself to when and as - i see myself judging rebellion as more than self- i stop - i breathe - and stop participating in energy - because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all



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