WORDS, MONEY, FOOD, RELATIONSHIPS, SPIRITUALITY, BUSINESS, MARKETING,PUBLIC RELATIONS, DANCING Etc. 'In this journey I am looking at who I have become as the PERSONA defined by words which are interpretations of reality, where I see words as more than or less than what they really are by the meaning i give them, so I am expanding and redefining words to see them as what they really are and look at what they really mean in reality to align their meaning to what is best for all.' June Roca
Monday, June 4, 2012
2012: 'I Love Mess': Rebellion Against Organized Living The Split Part 10 Day 52
My 'Relationship'/Agreement Partner Blog About the Same Point:
Leon's Blog about Rebellion
http://leonperry.com/?p=2017&fb_source=message
'Relationship'/ Agreement Page:
http://juneroca.com/relationships/
I am writing this blog because i saw me and my agreement partner, Leon, has the same point - which came out when i was pointing out - for him to remove his clothes on top of the bathroom counter. He said, what about yours? He pointed on a short pants - that did not belong to me. I put it on top for him to look at and put inside the laundry. So, i looked up at him , with my left eyebrow raised, and asked him - what's your starting point for asking me - 'competition? He said yes. He blogged about it to direct that point. I also looked at who i am - in what i said, so that instead of me making him wrong and making myself right, i will be able to correct myself.
During my childhood - my mom also said i was 'careless' because i was not folding my clothes properly and not putting them where they belong. I used to have backchats when she did that. Is this me rebelling? Is this me competing against her? I realized i was also doing exactly what Leon did. We have the same points.
The Favorite daughter rebelling against being called 'careless' - or not the best/worst :
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to REBEL against anyone that defines me as not the best - believing those saying i am 'careless' or not the best - (my mom saying i am careless - in our Visayan dialect- 'hapak-hapak' ) - is bad - and those saying i am the best - is good.
*I commit myself to - when and as i see myself rebelling against anyone that defines me as not the best - believing that those saying i am careless is bad and those saying i am the best is good - i stop - i breathe.
I see/realize and understand that i participate in energetics when i do this - defining myself within friction and balance - good and bad - right or wrong - best and worst - 'favorite and careless' - giving life to the limited ego-personality - where the mind directs me - giving me a seemingly real existence - where i defined life as energy - friction and balance. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me - as i am not defined by energy - i am that which is equal to all that exist - i stop participating because this is not what is best for all - as i can see that i am supporting rebellion and war in the society.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mom, AR
I forgive myself to DOUBT who i am - when my mom calls me 'careless'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be UNCERTAIN about who i am when my mom calls me 'careless'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have ANXIETY when my mom calls me 'careless'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being called 'careless'
I forgive myself to FEAR - NOT being the 'BEST' in my family
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to - within living in FEAR -BLAME substance for having to live that way - in constant doubt and uncertainty - which gives me anxiety - with the excuse that i have to survive as the ego-personality - so justify living an energetic existence - where i only understand me - according to my movement in relation to friction - between the mind and body - polarity of 'best and worst' - 'favorite and careless' - defining myself within polarity and balance - not realizing that i am here in every moment of breath - expressing me here - within self- movement - not defined by energy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect my mom saying i am careless - without anger, just a sigh, = is her, loving me - and not caring about my imperfections - so it is okay to be careless and live the definition in my life - of both polarities- wanting and asking others to be organized, organizing the pantry and then disorganizing it, wanting vacations -going to places without having to work- being relaxed and spending the day lazily basking under the sun and/or the moon at night, working at home, reading lying down etc.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the polarity of mess and no mess- organized and not organized - as i identify as the ego - existing as energy - within polarity.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rebel against organized living - believing it is normal and messy living is special- and believing normal is boring and special is energizing - defining myself within normal and not normal/special - boring and energizing - as i identify as the ego-personality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare what my mom say to what i believe - and judge what my mom say as bad and what i believe is good - judging my mom as less than me and me more than my mom - existing within competition - designed through comparison, judgment and jealousy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite substance/life within not taking self-responsibility within blame giving the excuse and justification that i have to feel good - within not taking self-responsibility and rebel - not realizing that within this - i judged rebellion as more than self - where i abused self in favor of me as energy within feeling good.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe freedom is living life as how i want to live it (good) - and believe control is not living life the way i want to live (bad )- as i identify as the ego - defined by freedom and control - in favor of feeling good - which is in fact me saying i defy life and glorify the energy i get from feeling good - not realizing that this energy is taken from the body's energy - where i, in essence consume the body's energy for mind energy use - which is abuse of substance/life
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify not taking self-responsibility for all parts of me as life - not putting clothes where they belong - seeing them as less than me - because they are 'non-living things' - not realizing i am equal to all that exist - as we all come from the same substance all are made of - which includes clothes - and all 'non-living things'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support personality systems - the fashion industry, the entertainment industry etc. that participate in the same points i am participating - creating a world that abuses life/substance
Stopping the subconscious mind:
Backchat: 'I hate her'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom when she says i am 'careless'
- within backchat
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to COMPARE what my dad said - which was 'you are my palangga' (or favorite daughter) - to what my mom used to say, ' you are careless'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE my mom as more than me when she said i was 'careless' - and judge me as more than her
Back chat: 'she will say i am 'careless' again
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my mom starts talking about the broken plate - she will say i am 'careless' again
Reaction: Suppressing answering back
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mom by suppressing myself from answering back
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that answering back is wrong - because it is wrong according to the Filipino family culture - that i grew up with
Stopping the Unconscious Mind:
Body movement:
Raising left eyebrow:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express judgment that my mother is more than me and i am less than her - by raising my left eyebrow
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express sarcasm about what my mother is saying - by raising my left eyebrow
Body Movement:
Pulling the left side of my mouth in and up:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express judgment that my mom is more than me and i am less than her - by pulling the left side of my mouth in and up
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to express sarcasm to my mom - by pulling the left side of my mouth in and up
Where did this Happen: Kitchen
My mom was in the kitchen cooking something on a stainless steel 2 burner stove. I was standing up at the right side of the kitchen table - which was about 3 meters away from her.
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How I Created this World:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the fashion industry' judge clothes as less than life - so use clothes as commodity to be exchanged for money - not realizing clothes are fabrics that come from the earth - so in essence abuse substance/earth/life in favor of money.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'as the elite' judge clothes as more than me because it can enhance how i look - so i use it to feel good about who i am - defining myself within the polarity of beauty and ugliness - and using clothes to beautify myself to increase my value - because i judged myself as less than life - using clothes to make me beautiful - and using money to add value to who i believed i am - as i identify as the ego-personality defined by money or no money - where i abuse clothes and money - which are manifestations of substance/life - in favor of feeling good - which i get when i have nice clothes and a lot of money
I forgive myself for allowing an unequal monetary system where dressmakers have to work to earn money making clothes - where the produce of the earth is consumed - plants becomes fabric that is exchanged for money - not realizing that it is possible to establish an equal money system where people do not make money out of produce from the earth - rather, everything and everyone will be given value = life - and dressmakers will make clothes as an expression of themselves
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Self-Correction in every moment:
Self-Commitment
I commit myself to through writing self-forgiveness and self corrective application - assist me to stop the mind and birth me here as life - and birth a world that truly honors life
I commit myself to show how we abuse life/substance in favor of energy - or feeling good
I commit myself to - when and as i see myself rebelling against organized living in favor of living in a disorganized way - i stop and breathe - and stop participating because it is not best for me and not best for all
I commit myself to - when and as i see myself defining myself within the polarity of control and freedom - stop and breathe and correct my starting point - by saying 'i am here' - and within self-honesty - write, do and say - from that starting point - and stop participating in manifesting this polarity equation because this is not best for me and not best for all
I commit myself to when and as - i see myself judging rebellion as more than self- i stop - i breathe - and stop participating in energy - because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all
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