This is a continuation of the Blog
In this blog i will continue the self-forgiveness for different characters i played out in the mind's narrative in the previous blog. I am stretching this blog as i saw some characters that i played out that i missed while i was writing the previous blog, so here i will expand on my thoughts and backchats when i was starting a relationship with DSS.
Stopping the movie that i created in my head about who i am in my relationship with the mind and who i am in my relationship to DSS.
Self-forgiveness for the Characters:
The Courtship Game
Defining me within the following characters:
With Backchats etc.
In High School:
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'he is so aloof, i wonder how i can get his attention, he's difficult to read, but what i can try is that thing i read - i will write his name and make needle holes in it and then burn it - it might work - as the control, manipulation' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'I will keep this to myself because i am a Filipina and i am supposed to be a shy innocent girl - as the shy, good - moral, suppressing self, manipulation' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'i cannot show him i like him - but i can beautify myself and get good grades so he will notice me - as the female attracting the male - courtship game' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'where is he? he's standing right there i can see by looking at the reflection of the glass - i will project a light going from my forehead to his forehead as if i am communicating to him - he looked at me - so it worked, as the belief and manifestation of belief' character
I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'I have an umbrella walking home and here he is running behind me - i bet you he will play a trick on me - projecting thoughts - predicting the future - hoping' character
In High School Trigonometry Class:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'He is so intelligent and with glasses - light skinned and handsome - he's my kind of man - i will marry this guy - i got to have him - attraction, desire and marriage -as the hoping, control, manipulating' character
In The High School CAT Practice:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'he's the commandant of the high school citizen's army training team - he's on top of the rest of us - and plus he's in the top ten - he's intelligent and powerful and handsome - yet he picked on me and made me squat in front of everyone putting the wooden gun on top of my arm - and it looks like he's enjoying it, i am getting angry - but i bet you he just needs some attention from me that's why he did it - as the suppression - inferior - wanting someone superior - relationship - suffering as happiness' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'he wrote me a letter saying he likes me -my efforts for him to notice me worked - as the winning, successful, relationship manipulation' character
In The Prom
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the
'i wonder if he will dance with me? I don't want to dance with anyone but him - as the desire to be in a relationship - dancing together - happiness' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'he's not going to be my partner in the prom? - as the disappointment, sad' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'don't come and get me to dance with you, my other classmates, i am waiting for DSS to dance with me - as the desire to dance with another, special man - hoping' character
Jealousy:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'he's the partner of my other classmate- she's sexy - i am jealous ' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'there's a new girl who is tall and she comes from the US and i see him talking to him - she's intelligent, white skinned and tall like him - jealous' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'her sister is really beautiful - i wonder if he likes women that is as beautiful as her - comparison - inferior- jealous' character
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'he got the top grade in the college entrance exam - 99% -he's going to the best college in the city - i just got a 96% - so i better ask my parents if i can go to a school near where he's going to - as the comparison - inferior - manipulating my parents - hoping' character
Seeing his friend in the cafe below my dormitory after we graduated from high school:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the 'that's his friend - and he's always with him - i bet he's around here somewhere - as the attraction, missing him -building a future relationship - happiness' character
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Continued on Part 2 - The Proposal
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Continued on Part 2 - The Proposal
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References:
Animals:
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The 'Late' Character
This is a Continuation of this Blog
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